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Friday, February 22, 2008

The Morning News

posted by on February 22 at 7:57 AM

Protests: Cantankerous over American support for Kosovo, Serbians storm U.S. Embassy, McDonald’s, Nike store.

Counter Protests: Croatian police arrest 44 flag burners.

Indicting: GOP Congressman charged with conspiracy, wire fraud, money laundering, extortion, and insurance fraud!

Debating: Clinton all but concedes.

Hamstring: Pakistani opposition parties outmaneuver Musharraf.

Six Hundred: Starbucks layoffs.

Six Point Oh Shit: Quake in Nevada.

Chopper: State cited for employee sliced by helicopter blades.

Stabber: In Greenwood.

Digger: School district to bury 230 cases of bad beef.

Developer: Appealing Denny’s landmark decision.

Passenger Jet in Venezuela: “The aircraft is practically pulverized.”

Local Catastrophe Roundup: Man killed in Tukwila, banks bashed in Bremerton, Francisco’s family offers larger reward, Tarleton pays for ethics violation.

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer: World’s smallest therapy dog.

Open the Floodgates, Valve: Here comes Portal 2.

Microsoft: Our shitty code, let us show you it.

From Popularity Plus: Good Manners for Young Moderns, by Sally Simpson. Copyright 1947.


Why is petting so prevalent? No use shutting your eyes to the fact that it is.

Petting can mean anything from a few kisses in a parked car to serious delinquency—according to the definition you subscribe to. Let’s discuss the serious type.

Case histories of delinquents show that heavy or promiscuous petting is more likely due to a feeling of insecurity or a yearning for popularity. Yes, a boy or a girl may go on a petting bender when he or she feels uneasy or unhappy.

Unglamorous, unpopular teeners often get the idea that petting is the Open Sesame to success. Actually the opposite is true. The easy-loving lass broadcasts the fact that she is unsure of her charm and desirability.

Popular boys and girls seldom rely on petting routines. They’re too busy with other activities and interests.

RSS icon Comments


serious delinquency=anal penetration

Posted by Mike in MO | February 22, 2008 8:16 AM

I spy an or.

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 22, 2008 8:21 AM

Heavy petting and portal 2? Sounds like my kind of Friday.

Posted by wisepunk | February 22, 2008 8:22 AM

I'm not exactly 100% sure what "serious delinquency" is, but I can pretty much guarantee that I've done it all at one time or another.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | February 22, 2008 8:26 AM

Does that mean I should stop fucking my best friend's wife?

Posted by Elvis | February 22, 2008 8:30 AM

Thank god for insecure people.

How else would anyone ever get laid?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | February 22, 2008 8:38 AM

Portal 2?!?!

This [is] a triumph!
I'm making a note here
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction

Posted by glados | February 22, 2008 8:38 AM

Petting benders: The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Posted by Gloria | February 22, 2008 8:40 AM

Isn’t “shitty” a bit rude Dominic? Considering that many of those “shitty” programmers are themselves avid Stranger readers and Slog commenter’s – who work hard every day and do a lot to support our community including Stranger events and fundraisers?

Posted by Greenlake Geek | February 22, 2008 8:40 AM

So I wonder what those other activities and interests are that the popular boys and girls are involved in.

Posted by Johnny | February 22, 2008 8:42 AM
Posted by Mike of Renton | February 22, 2008 8:43 AM


And cheerleading.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | February 22, 2008 8:44 AM


No, "shitty" is objective fact.

Posted by Bison | February 22, 2008 8:49 AM

I've never been 100% sure what petting is. Hand jobs? Blow jobs? Second base? Can someone clear this up?

Posted by Henrietta | February 22, 2008 8:54 AM

@9) I love the programmers -- I've petted several of them -- but the products are still shitty.

Posted by Dominic Holden | February 22, 2008 8:55 AM

Cheers to all the seriously delinquent easy-loving lasses out there who make getting up in the morning that much more worthwhile.

Posted by tsm | February 22, 2008 8:56 AM


"petting" today tends to mean heavy makeouts with lots of fondling, either over clothes or under.

She's using it to mean everything from makeout sessions to girl-on-boy anal play.

Posted by NaFun | February 22, 2008 9:01 AM

Re MoR@11, if Nader runs a 3rd party campaign against Obama, can we once and for all agree that he's 10lb of shit in a 5lb bag?

Oh that's right, he's going to take more votes from McCain than Obama. Never mind.

Posted by Big Sven | February 22, 2008 9:07 AM

No, it makes a huge difference that there are some swell people at Microsoft.

It used to drive me nuts futzing with my antivirus and firewall and near-daily Windows Defender updates. And I'd get pissed because CTRL+f did one thing in Word and something else in Outlook. But now that I know that they donate money to good causes and love their grandmothers and so on, well, that makes it all better.

Now playing with all the neat security toys is downright fun. Now nothing pleases me more wondering what the difference is between "Customize" and "Options" in Outlook. I often want to spend my whole day cleaning up spyware just to think about what nice folks did that for me.

Posted by elenchos | February 22, 2008 9:08 AM
the products are still shitty

D- Oh, bullshit. Your statement was last true in like 1995.

Word is fine, Excel is fine, Powerpoint is fine. I'm not a big IE fan, but as far as ubiquitous software, M$ products are certainly no worse than anybody else's. Ever tried to use Oracle or any of the ERP softwares?

Meanwhile, Apple ruined a great, simple operating system by making it progressively heavier and heavier and featurier and featurier until it's *harder* to use than Windows.

Posted by Big Sven | February 22, 2008 9:13 AM

ps- I'll take M$ products of Real products any day of the motherfucking week. Note: I don't work, and have never worked, for M$ or any of their partners.

Posted by Big Sven | February 22, 2008 9:15 AM

pps- "M$ products over Real products"...

Posted by Big Sven | February 22, 2008 9:16 AM

11: I agree. Nader 2008 = President McCain

Posted by Not again! | February 22, 2008 9:20 AM

Microsoft products are crap -- particularly their operating system, but also several of their applications.

Word is a long way from fine. The section breaks function is so reliably buggy it's barely worth using and the style functions -- particularly as regards pasted text -- are totally FUBAR. Also, they removed the macro function from the latest iteration of Word for Mac. Fortunately, Mac's OS has an automated task function that can be used to effectively run macros in Word, but if you just wanted to have a keystroke for, say, "Paste Unformatted Text" (in order to avoid having to play whack-a-mole with their shitty style functions), it's pretty irritating not to just be able to set it up in Word.

Microsoft's software is bloated and slow and their few innovations in interface and search functions are only useful if you don't push them too hard -- even their help function is full of dead links and outdated information when you start getting into the visual basic and margin formatting functions necessary for legal and other specialized formatting that should be easy for word processing software.


Stabber: In Greenwood.

Keryst, did anyone else read the history on this guy that got killed? File that one under DSF.

Posted by Judah | February 22, 2008 9:30 AM

Chopper: State cited for employee sliced by helicopter blades.

My dad worked for Fish & Wildlife for 30 years, and was close friends with Rocky Spencer. When we heard the news about him, we all started crying. He was by far one of the best biologists in the country. Thanks for reporting this, Dominic.

Posted by Emily | February 22, 2008 9:31 AM

I'm not worried about Nader yet. Remember this:

Though he won 2.7 percent of the national vote as the Green Party candidate in 2000, Nader won just 0.3 percent as an independent in 2004

... and I can't see how Obama could lose more votes to him than Kerry did.

Posted by tsm | February 22, 2008 9:33 AM

I'm laughing. Hoouwhoahahahaooo.

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 22, 2008 9:35 AM

This book continues to blow my mind. And enrich my soul. There's so much I need to learn about life.

Posted by Abby | February 22, 2008 9:39 AM

The thing I hate about Word isn't how bad it is -- it's pretty good -- but how much better it could be with just a smidgen of common sense. Whenever they get something right -- mail merge in Word 2000 -- they go and break it again in the next version -- Word 2003.

With their server products, Exchange Server has managed to fix about 2% of their usability problems since the days of version 5.5. It's a fucking pig, and the structure of the various control portions makes no sense. Security is a joke, requiring about a dozen unecessary duplicative steps and concepts to do the most basic stuff. They have no IDEA about what is useful and what isn't; the whole thing is ten thousand times more complicated than it needs to be, but with additional functionality to go with the complexity.

The OS and SQL Server are pretty good, though.

But being "not as bad as Adobe" is a horrible criterion for a software company.

Posted by Fnarf | February 22, 2008 9:45 AM

Exchange Server 2003 and beyond is awesome when you get into the small little details of it. Like having your phone sync to your work outlook account with full control?

Posted by Bellevue Ave | February 22, 2008 9:49 AM

Popular boys and girls seldom rely on petting routines. They’re too busy with other activities and interests.

Like fucking.

Posted by Giffy | February 22, 2008 9:49 AM

Have you heard my new band, Petting Bender?

Posted by Christin | February 22, 2008 9:50 AM

One month before Portal was released, Valve invited game critics to their Bellevue studios to play the game (and the rest of The Orange Box) in-house. When I was done with Portal, the first thing I asked their rep, Eric Twelker, was if they were already planning a sequel or anything, since I immediately fell in love with the thing. At the time, he said they were trying to decide whether to put the Portal tech into a new Half-Life game, create a sequel, or create downloadable content. Doesn't shock me that they'd ride the wave of good publicity and "Game of the Year" accolades to an easy-selling sequel.

Posted by Sam M. | February 22, 2008 9:52 AM

There's a special circle of Hell reserved for anyone who ever had anything to do with Vista.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | February 22, 2008 10:12 AM

Re the earthquake in Wells....I travel through Wells every year, and I am so saddened by this. Essentially every building in town was damaged, and about 40 families are displaced (only ~1400 people live in town). Much of the older part of town was brick buildings from the late 1800s, and it looks like Pioneer Square after the Nisqually quake, but this actually did even more damage. The elementary school ins the only large building in town still structurally sound, the junior high/ senior high is apparently a total loss, and those kids will probably have to finish the year in Elko 50 miles away. Give to Red Cross for earthquake relief, anyone who can.

Posted by Tlazolteotl | February 22, 2008 10:53 AM

Microsoft is the worst software company in the world except for all the other ones. Really, as screwed up as MS software can be, does anyone look at its actual competition? Google's marginally better in providing a few online services, but bound to get worse as it becomes an older company. Every other Microsoft competitor makes crappier software pretty much across the board.

Posted by Cascadian | February 22, 2008 11:32 AM

Um, Abby, you mean the Popularity Plus book? Where did you get a copy of it?

Posted by Will in Seattle | February 22, 2008 11:37 AM

BA, if they would only fix the stuff they already have before adding new junk, I'd be happy. I don't WANT to sync my phone with anything. If it was up to me I wouldn't even have a phone; phones = ass. I just want email to work the way it's supposed to.

Posted by Fnarf | February 22, 2008 11:55 AM

The cake is a lie!

Posted by Jerod | February 22, 2008 12:13 PM

Petting is prevalent because it feels good and gets you warmed up for sex. You stupid whore.

Posted by Greg | February 22, 2008 12:48 PM

Whatever you feel about Microsoft, that article doesn't say anything about source. That would be pretty controversial (also as any math person knows, it's stupid to try and keep such secrets).

They'll be releasing protocols and APIs for now.

Posted by V | February 22, 2008 2:24 PM

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