Retail Millard Fillmore, I Love You
posted by February 18 at 10:14 AM
onToday is one of Value Village’s many 50%-off sales, this one because a bunch of American presidents have been born and then died. I was really excited about working at The Stranger for many reasons, and one of those reasons was the proximity to a Value Village.
The whole Value Village shopping experience is magical: Easy listening music, including songs you may not have heard since the late eighties! Six t-shirts and two pairs of pants for 18 bucks*! Crazy old men wandering around wearing Tommy Hilfiger sweats two sizes too big! Women faking orgasms over purple faux-silk tops!
Forget those semi-nude Lindsay Lohan pictures, this is the story of the day. There are still plenty of Christian Youth Group t-shirts to be bought, so get to it.
* In honor of a friend of mine, though, a warning: For God’s sake, launder that shit before you wear it. This is more than just a simple hygiene issue.
Comments
Sorry to burst your bubble, but the LiLo photos certainly made my day.
Couldn't disagree w/ you more, 5280. I used to like La Lohan, but these photos almost made me renounce my heterosexuality (boy would Inga have been surprised!)
Mr. Constant,
Your girlfriend looks like The Joker when she fakes her orgasms?
Concerned,
-Sven
OK, first you give up on Hillary, and now you don't like Lindsay. Where is Big Sven and what have you done with him?
The sales are not because "a bunch of American presidents have been born and then died." - thank Jebus! The federal holiday is Washington's Birthday. The sales are because the one guy was born and then died. A distinction of the utmost importance, to me at least.
I love the smell of creosote in the morning.
I will never walk in there.
Big Sven, whassmatta, you don't like freckles?
that place smells like ass and charbroiled poverty.
I love thrift store shopping but the Value Village by The Stranger offices has a the most distinct (read unpleasant) odor of all of the Western Washington VVs. It is something like a combination of moth balls, sweaty balls, stale perform and body odor. Long live the downtown VV!
It's not Washington's Birthday, it's Presidents Day, as in multiple Presidents -- Lincoln and Washington, to be precise, but the others have snuck into the group photo too. Today we honor Warren Gamaliel Harding and George W. Bush! Hip hip!
Funny. Lindsey Lohan usually does good things for my penis. I feel like I just crawled out of the pool.
Paul-
You wouldn't happen to have her number, would you?
Sincerely,
w7ngman
P.S. I'd go for the blond, too.
you all are nuts. LiLo's guns are NICE!
you know what this calls for? dina martina's 'the presidents day song' - you can find it by searching in the stranger's archives....
i think if we get through our hectic day here (in the elections office) i might just have to blare it when we finally get to leave....
you know what this calls for? dina martina's 'the presidents day song' - you can find it by searching in the slog archives....
i think if we get through our hectic day here (in the elections office) i might just have to blare it when we finally get to leave....
Those LiLo pics have all the charm of autopsy photos. Which they kind of are, preemptively.
I do like them better than yesterday's graffiti "Photo of the Day", though.
The Value Village on the hill has declined in quality to the point that it's rarely worth going there.
They seemingly fired a bunch of workers there so now there's typically a long wait to pay for your stuff. Often I've waited in line longer than I spent looking around the store.
The clothing prices have gone way up. Please let me see the 8 clothing pieces you got for $18. The t-shirts, etc I've recently looked at have been $5 and up.
VV continues to have whack book prices. For most books, the price is determined by the original price of the book, which is a ridiculous system to go by. A popular hardcover from a few years ago (of which there are millions of copies out there) will cost a lot more than a rare paperback from the '50s. (Some "nicer" books though are individually priced up higher.) That's why a lot of their books are never sold (and then they dump them by selling in bulk to other businesses, etc.).
Scabies!? Gross. I was planning on hitting up that sale, but now I'm going to feel like things are crawling on me the whole time I'm in there.
The Lindsay Lohan pictures were disappointing. Her body is in no way evocative of Marilyn Monroe; where's the shape? Her form reminds me of two water balloons taped to a ruler. They say she has "returned to her voluptuousness," but all I see is titties. I think Charles would agree that an ideal figure involves hips,as well.
pedantry alert
The feds:
"The birthday of George Washington, military leader of the American Revolution and first President of the United States, has been a legal holiday since 1885. It was originally celebrated each February 22. The Uniform Holidays Act, passed by Congress in 1968 to take effect in 1971, fixed the holiday on a Monday. As a number of states also celebrated the February 12 birthday of Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth President, some legislators advocated combining the two events into a single holiday. The final legislation retained the Washington's Birthday holiday but many Americans now call the holiday "Presidents' Day," believing the change to Mondays was intended to honor both Washington and Lincoln or all Presidents."
The state of WA:
"The following are legal holidays: ...the third Monday of February to be known as Presidents' Day and to be celebrated as the anniversary of the births of Abraham Lincoln and George Washington..."
@10:
There's a DOWNTOWN VV?
And some of the aroma at the CapHill VV no doubt lingers from its days as REI's original store - sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between sweaty old street persons and sweaty young mountain bikers.
If I knew any Dutch I'd be celebrating Martin van Buren, but alas.
Those "Christian Youth Group t-shirts" are the BEST. Usually worn once and then donated. Perfect for ironic layers!
I'm related to Millard Filmore!!
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My late SO used to give me seven kinds of shit about buying clothes there or at any second-hand store. "What if somebody DIED in that?" he'd say. "Well, then they don't need this FINE shirt for only $2.99," I'd say.
I just canNOT see spending $35-$40 for a shirt. That's just plain highway robbery of the first magnitude.
I will not, however, buy pants there because they have no fitting rooms. I can find decent Dockers-style pants at Wal Mart for about $14. I don't find that price too hard to swallow, although it does mean I have to actually go in to a Wal Mart.
OK, the first part of the message got cut off. It said:
I (heart) VV, and my nearby Salvation Army store rocks out loud as well. They even have an antiques and collectibles department.
Carry on.
Is it possible that LiLo actually looks more haggard and near death than Marilyn did?
Well, not her boobs...those will obviously live on longer than anyone currently alive...but in her face (and yes, she DOES HAVE A FACE, guys...)
I remember meeting Lindsay at a party once, before all these negative things came out, and before ... um ... her boobs got a lot bigger but not her bum.
Don't know what to think about it, but at least she doesn't have kids right now.
Being a child star can really mess up your life, as we obviously all now realize.
Me and all my friends got scabies once on a road trip...
it was the grossest thing that's ever happened.
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