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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Screw Roses and Teddy Bears

posted by on February 13 at 13:37 PM

gross.jpg

I just went over to Babeland to buy myself a Valentine’s Day present. Tomorrow can be super depressing if you’re single. It doesn’t have to be. It should be a rule that you go and buy yourself something nice. And I don’t mean flowers, candy, or frickin’ teddy bears. Gross. Even more depressing.

After seeing all the toys at the Porn Con with Savage, I sorta had my heart set on this or even this. Instead I found myself distracted an old skool Magic Wand (not this one - THIS one).

There’s also a ton of stuff for couples. Tons. Some of it’s already wrapped in neato gift boxes for the lazy, super last-minute shoppers. There’s chocolate, bunnies, and something called a Le Petit Ami. Another gift idea might be this or this. I mean, who doesn’t want their boyfriend or girlfriend to be better at THAT? Um, nobody that’s who…

RSS icon Comments

1

My thoughts exactly, I got my SO a nice vibe with adjustable levels.

Posted by vooodooo84 | February 13, 2008 1:44 PM
2

I'll be your Valentine Kelly

I *heart* you so much I'd help you use any of those toys you want to buy. We could celebrate singleness together by going out and playing with the toys together. I'll even put my special piercing in just for you!

Let me know. I'm free.

Posted by Reality Check *hearts* Kelly O | February 13, 2008 1:49 PM
3

I'm going to buy myself some pot. A lot of it. And then I'm GOING TO SMOKE IT!!!

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 13, 2008 1:51 PM
4

But I gotta say, those Vermont Teddy Bear commercials, where the dudes at the office are saying "I can't wait 'til she gets my package" and the porn starlets in the next cubicle are pouting and cooing and saying "oh, I can't believe how big it is" make me want to detonate myself on the 44 bus. If I was a girl, and I got one of those for Valentine's Day from my boyfriend, within seconds there would be another single man for y'all to have your way with, because his ass would be DUMPED.

Posted by fnarf | February 13, 2008 1:57 PM
5

kellykellykelly.

Let me introduce you to somebody.

Her name is Yva, and she love love LOVES you.

(and is rechargable, so she can love you long time, even.)

(she also comes in non-gold plated for far less than $1300)

Posted by Mrs. Poe | February 13, 2008 1:58 PM
6

Valentine's Day is for suckers.

Posted by T | February 13, 2008 2:00 PM
7

Mrs. Poe? This is foul.

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 13, 2008 2:04 PM
8

Why do so many single people allow themselves to get upset because coupled people celebrate on 2/14? I am single, and have other single friends who aren't bothered by hearts and cupids. Hallmark isn't holding anybody hostage, it's like Xmas, if you aren't Christian, you ignore it. Don't go blaming advertising, this Slog post is a pretty blatant advertisement itself for Babeland and products for an anti-Valentine's Day celebration, which seems to validate holiday advertisement in general.

Posted by inkweary | February 13, 2008 2:05 PM
9

This was the most SFW post about sex toys I have ever seen. Bravo!

Posted by Aislinn | February 13, 2008 2:06 PM
10

This is what the husband and I are doing for VD-- turning me loose in Babeland after a nice meal at Cafe Presse.

Not that I'm ever opposed to flowers, but I'd rather the flowers not be bought at a 600% markup.

Posted by Jessica | February 13, 2008 2:07 PM
11

Kelly I think this post may have killed the babeland server or is it always that slow?

Posted by Little Red Ryan Hood | February 13, 2008 2:15 PM
12

I'm with 8 - why care about V Day at all? I've never 'celebrated' it when I've had a SO, and never cared when I didn't. The fact that some single women (maybe men too - I've only ever seen/heard women whine about it) take Valentine's Day as a personal indictment of their singleness is just sad. I'm not saying Kelly O is in this crowd, but I hate to see anyone buy into the notion that Valentine's Day is anything more than a trumped up holiday to sell cards, candy and flowers.

Posted by genevieve | February 13, 2008 2:25 PM
13

Oh, come on, Mr. Poe, you two look cute together.

Posted by fnarf | February 13, 2008 2:43 PM
14

If "Mrs. Poe" isn't Claire Danes, I want nothing to do with her.

Posted by Mr. Poe | February 13, 2008 2:49 PM
15

i want MY boyfriend to be better at THAT! Shit - i didn't know you could learn to lick pussy from a video. is it rude to give your BF an instructional for a VDay gift?

Posted by ann | February 13, 2008 2:54 PM
16

For Valentine's Day, I'm going to buy myself a bucket-full of booze at Slog Happy, then go see dirty, dirty shadow-puppet theatre.

It was either that, or stay home with a pack of Kleenex, a large dose of Sudafed, a bucket-full of booze, and watch episodes of "Firefly" on DVD...

Posted by COMTE | February 13, 2008 3:11 PM
17
Posted by Virginia Eliza Clemm Poe | February 13, 2008 3:13 PM
18

Kelly: the Hitachi hasn't failed me yet. Srsly.

The Babeland site is always slow, it's hella annoying when you're trying to be COVERT.

Posted by Katelyn | February 13, 2008 3:18 PM
19

Proven fact: ladies love the Hitachi Magic Wand. Also, the thing's built like a brick Buick, so it keeps working for a long time.

Posted by Greg | February 13, 2008 3:52 PM
20

It's the day after Valentine's Day that I love - you know, the day all the candy goes on sale for half price?

Comte, dammit, come down to Renton and see my show instead. You've seen the puppets already, I'm sure you have!

Posted by Geni | February 13, 2008 5:27 PM
21

Oh, but speaking of covert, the Magic Wand is LOUD. Though generally not as loud as the woman using it.

Posted by Greg | February 13, 2008 5:52 PM
22

Comte: may I suggest adding 'Spirited Away' to your sudafed-fueled delerium? Because at least when that doesn't make sense, it's easier to roll with than 'Firefly', and it's pretty dreamlike anyway.

I speak from personal experience. Get whacked on cold medicine and be freaked out by the spirits in the bath house.

Posted by Jessica | February 13, 2008 6:27 PM
23

More power! It ain't a vibrator unless you have to plug it into the wall. Long live the Hitatchi Wand!

Posted by Suz | February 13, 2008 6:30 PM
24

Just as long as it wasn't one filled with pthalates, like that Babeland bestseller the Rabbit, or any of their other pieces of soft plastic trash. You don't want cancer on your special parts.

Check out

badvibes.org

Posted by Sara | February 13, 2008 11:09 PM
25

I can't believe Kelly is single, she's a hottie, someone ask her out (my SO would frown on it or I would)!

The magic wand actually works pretty nicely for guys as well, seriously, try it.

Posted by mrobvious | February 13, 2008 11:18 PM
26

My long distance girlfriend just got her Valentine's gift from Babeland yesterday. I'm sure she likes the chocolate and flowers too, but the Bgee will hopefully keep her happy for longer.

Posted by flyingdics | February 14, 2008 9:28 AM
27

Wait, are you saying you DON'T want to celebrate Emperor Claudius' beheading of Bishop Valentine in the 3rd century?

Posted by Victoria | February 14, 2008 12:10 PM
28

eww...#24 the Rabbit i got at Babeland was totally pthalate free and the gals there completely steered me clear from getting anything that had pthalates in it.

this is it if you want to see.

http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-rabbit-style/elastomer-rabbit-habit

i know what I'm doing for valentine's day tonight!

Posted by RH | February 14, 2008 1:49 PM

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