Life Pooper Tuesday
posted by on February 5 at 16:46 PM
Does this happen to other people: You have to take a dump, and you go sit on the toilet. And you feel yourself… part with something significant. Something considerable. You’re sure of it. You were distinctly conscious of its leave taking—distinctly—and it was no small matter.
But when you look down into the toilet… there’s nothing there.
I assume this phenomenon has something to do with trajectory and velocity, with form and function, with bowl design and bottom position. Does this happen to others? Or is it just me? If it does happen to others, it seems to me that ought to be a term for this phenomenon.
Your butt is supposed to sit on the toilet, not your head.
Yeah I am not Alone!!!
A "huckabee" perhaps?
This phenomenon is often referred to as "ghost shit," or as my high school world history teacher Mr. Malchow called it, "ghost poopie."
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghost+turd
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=phantom+poo
santorum
Sometimes it's hiding down the pipe. Fluash and watch. Please keep us posted.
Very often caused by dehydration. Not enough fluids to move things along, so something small feels like something very big.
Hydrate, D.
Aside from the sock missing in the dryer, this has been one of the great mysteries of my life. I was always too afraid to discuss it. You, Dan, in a Huffingtonian way, are fearless. Thank you. This was a personal breakthrough.
I'd call it a Giuliani - like his campaign, it disappeared without a trace.
That's the old phantom feces... or maybe its "phantom pheces". Though, I don't think that misspelling for the sake of alliteration makes for good nomenclature.
You need a German toilet.
http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000212.html
yes Dan, this happens to others - it's called ghost poopie.
Yeah, I've always called it "the phantom"
That, sir, is the finest euphemism I've heard in recent memory. I submit "part with something significant" to the "reasonably popular but not annoyingly so" vaults of the English language.
No.
Pics, please!
We knew this was coming - just a matter of time, and Dan wanting to share tooooo much.
I have no answers, and can't even conceive what you are talking about.
Taking a shit is taking a shit. And the shit is just there with the glory of a thousand variations.
Talk to your doctors...both the butt doctor and the head doctor.
I don't need to hear about another bowel movement of yours Dan.
Are you stoned today?
It's blatantly and obviously a side effect of getting fucked up the arse. Ahem.
You're shitting out pieces of your soul.
This is a classic case of a "ghost shit"
My college roommate had a Shit List poster that accurately accounted for every possible type out there, with illustrations. No, you're not alone. Yes, it's the Ghost shit. Not to be confused with the Phantom (that's when it appears mysteriously and noone will admit who put it there).
The real head scratcher is: why is your pee so freakin green, Dan?!?
D:
The Immaculate Defecation?
It only happens to bottom boys.
Seriously, thanks for bringing this up. It's happened to me on a variety of toilets the last few years.
What's really weird is how often the 'phantom faeces' coincides with the cleanskin wipe. Spooky.
I generally call it constipation. Try eating more fiber.
Obama just said: "The movement is real" to great applause.
I agree with the Poop Fairy, except I use a slightly more delicate term: "ghost poop." Dan, you are NOT alone.
I agree with the Poop Fairy, except I use a slightly more delicate term: "ghost poop." Dan, you are NOT alone.
In my family we call it "sending a message to michael."
Yes, we are not alone, we all huckabee from time to time (depending on toilet design).
Proposal: "To huckabee"-a have a bowel movement that apparently has disappeared into a toilet due to the design of the exit pipe and the trajectory of extrusion.
LOL of the day. Thank you Dan.
It's called flatulence.
By the way, I have a new word:
crap'nel: n. The popcorn hull you find when you're washing your butt after a night of eating popcorn.
Who's the woman whose book titles all begin with an initial - Sue Grafton? "X-Creta U-ve S-caped A-gain". Must B A D-laid Superbowl Phenom. Your post sounds as if it were written by William's sister, Sharon Tell. Stop it!
As anyone who has ever accidentally dropped a coin in a toilet can tell you, it was probably an exceptionally dense turd that sank straight to the bottom like a quarter, settling neatly in the very bottom of the bowl. As you flush, watch. I wouldn't be surprised if your turd gives you one last peek before beginning her long trip to the Pacific. It's kind of like tapping the glass of an eel exhibit at the aquarium to get the nasty buggers to poke their heads out.
By the by, your toilet water is green like antifreeze...
Call it an ECB
A big ole' turd hiding from the real world.
christ, savage.
Yeah, I've been there: feeling empty, with a poignant longing for closure.
Perhaps you should talk to Kimya Dawson for some advice.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=121734
Huckabee: When shit disappears.
Instead of asking "do you swallow?" You can simply ask "Huckabee?" so you know it's ok to shoot in the strangers mouth behind the bushes.
When you're getting a blow job in a video booth and all your jizz disappears into the mouth at the side of the wood paneling, he's Huck-a-beed all of your semen.
When a prostitute/hustler/Rent-Boy steals all of your belongings you can simply say, "he Huck-a-beed all of my shit."
I call those "Hoffas", as in Jimmy.
or Earhardts...or, if you're in the mood to be really obscure, "Judge Craters"
Or the opposite, when you think not much has happened, only to find a baseball bat has somehow appeared in the bowl.
Comments Closed
In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).