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RSS icon Comments on Assignment : Escape From Murderous Children

1

Steven, Can we at least get a photo of what that girl saw when she was staring up the leg of your shorts?

It must have been pretty enticing!

Posted by Perv | February 6, 2008 11:43 AM
2

Faaaabulous.

Posted by tomasyalba | February 6, 2008 11:44 AM
3

sad. if they had oil we could bomb them.

Posted by max solomon | February 6, 2008 11:46 AM
4

This is what must have happened at Oprah's school...horny, female students starting nibbling and molesting the matrons, and the poor matrons get blamed for it!!

Oprah needs to send Dr Phil to South Africa, stat!

Posted by michael strangeways | February 6, 2008 11:48 AM
5

Do we even know for sure that this is our Steven?

Posted by Name, Please. | February 6, 2008 11:53 AM
6

I just read this ten minutes ago on your blog and almost commented telling you how much I'm enjoying your blog. I'm glad you're still getting to post on SLOG!

Posted by Callie | February 6, 2008 11:56 AM
7

I know this is racist, but can we get Charles' take on this?

Posted by Gloria | February 6, 2008 12:26 PM
8

Christ, I thought it was just me. Anytime I'm around little kids, that's basically what happens to me - they mob me and physically molest me.

Posted by Geni | February 6, 2008 12:28 PM
9

Isn't this how it ended so badly for Sebastian Venable in "Suddenly, Last Summer"? Just sane.

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | February 6, 2008 12:33 PM
10

Steven,

For your own peace-of-mind, I suggest you take this test right away.

Posted by COMTE | February 6, 2008 12:34 PM
11

My 4 year old nephew likes to haul off and punch me in the crotch as hard as he can. Which, when it's your crotch, is pretty damn hard.

I, being the uncle who's a little weak with the discipline, sometimes laugh which hasn't helped.

I've learned I really have to pay attention to my junk when around kids age 2-7, which seems to be the prime ages for crotch attacks.

Posted by DJSauvage | February 6, 2008 12:42 PM
12

I'm not really sure what the point of your studying in South Africa is. Like, when you major in French, you might go and live in France for a while to learn French and meet French people and figure out how France works. If you major in aquaculture, you might go and live in Norway for a while to learn some Norwegian and see how Norwegians farm fish. If you major in digital animation, you might go to Singapore or Korea on an internship to learn how animation is being done in those places. If you go into the Peace Corps, you go to remote locations and help teach or build irrigation systems, etc.

But going to small South African villages to consult on writing (?) and get sexually assaulted by girls with precocious sexuality (evidence of abuse, fyi)? What is the point of your trip there again? Why are you there?

Posted by S. M. | February 6, 2008 12:45 PM
13

@12 Studying abroad is not just about languages, though with eleven languages, he could certainly do that in South Africa. It's about learning about a culture. It's about getting outside everything you've known so well because you've been surrounded by it your entire life, and really recognizing how people in other parts of the world live.

Posted by Gitai | February 6, 2008 1:11 PM
14

Oy vey. Now that this piece is up on the Slog, I'm already having nightmares that people will use my writing as a reason not to travel anywhere in Africa.

If people decide to augment their study abroad plans and not go to South Africa because of something I write on the Slog, then those people are fucking retarded (scuse my french) for taking a (slightly) humorous first-person narrative piece from a satirical alt-weekly and using that writing to not do something.

The point of art is to expose a society to itself, not to sugar coat things, not to placate and soothe scared people. If this kind of writing provokes people, perhaps they should understand the difficult emotions that rise to the surface when they read this and look at themselves with compassion rather than blame or shame the message sender. That is just stupid. Puh-lease. You’re reading the Slog, not a South African guidebook. Get over yourself.

I hope that the people who read my writing will come here, experience the country for themselves, and decide what they think.

Hopefully, most reasonable people already understand this.

Posted by Steven Blum | February 6, 2008 1:21 PM
15

howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com

(yeah, it's real, make with the clicking)

Posted by Anon | February 6, 2008 2:55 PM
16

years ago the next door neighbors' large three year old escaped from naptime while his mom was distracted - this happened frequently - and raced down his front steps as I was walking by. He ran up to me and tried to bite my crotch.
It's out-of-control, poorly managed by their parents, kids who do this.

Posted by isabelita | February 6, 2008 3:23 PM
17

@14: Not to worry. I wasn't going to Africa anyway.

Posted by J.R. | February 6, 2008 4:23 PM
18

I know this is Marxist, but can we get Charles' take on this?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | February 6, 2008 9:01 PM

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