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Thursday, January 10, 2008

To Live and Buy in Las Vegas

posted by on January 10 at 14:38 PM

Holy crap—there’s a bookstore in the passageway between the Luxor and Mandalay Bay. A bookstore. In Las Vegas.

LasVegasBooks333.jpg

They even had a book I wanted: The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever, edited by Christopher Hitchens. I bought it this morning a few hours after I woke up at 6:00 a.m. and started totally stressing out because Kelly Fuckin’ O never came back to our room last night, didn’t call, and wasn’t answering her phone. Since I am, deep down inside, not just my mother’s son, but my mother herself, I was convinced that Kelly O was dead and by 11:00 a.m. this morning I was walking around desperately trying to remember of the name of the porn starlet Kelly O crawled into a cab with at 1:00 a.m. at the Venetian, preparing my statement for the police, and trying not conjure up any mental images of shit I’ve seen on CSI: Las Vegas or whatever, when I happened upon this bookstore. I bought The Portable Atheist to take my mind off Kelly’s decapitation.

Kelly O is fine. She met a nice boy, they took a bubble bath at the Casino Royale. And the rest is, I hope, another birth-control success story.

The porn starlet’s name? Aurora Snow. And you know what? People smoke in elevators in Las Vegas. In elevators. In Las Vegas.

RSS icon Comments

1

Three point!

Posted by Mr. Poe | January 10, 2008 2:43 PM
2

What happens in Las Vegas STAYS in Las Vegas!!! Stop airing her dirty laundry!

Posted by teddy b | January 10, 2008 2:44 PM
3

What happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas if you're famous. Dan isn't, but Kelly O is. So we need to hear this stuff. She's our starlet.

Posted by duh | January 10, 2008 2:46 PM
4

I'm Kelly O and I approved this message.

Posted by Kelly O | January 10, 2008 2:47 PM
5

Doesn't Kelly O have a boyfriend? You know, the one who took her to the airport a couple days ago?

Posted by Not to worry | January 10, 2008 2:49 PM
6

I'm a gentleman. Kelly O was standing in the room when I wrote this, and I ran it past her. I mean, c'mon.

Besides she owes me, after what she put me through this morning. I made her bed when I got back to the room. I bought her breakfast, so we wouldn't have to go foraging for food in the casino in the AM...

Posted by Dan Savage | January 10, 2008 2:50 PM
7

@5

Dan wrote that post, dipshit.

Posted by Mr. Poe | January 10, 2008 2:50 PM
8

People drink on the street in Las Vegas. Dan, loosen up and have some FUN, for god's sake!

Go interview a casino employee, and ask them if hardcore gamblers really wear diapers at the slots. I'm dying to know.

Posted by Irena | January 10, 2008 2:52 PM
9

You made her bed.... You mean the bed she didn't sleep in because she was out all night? Hmmm.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | January 10, 2008 2:57 PM
10

Here I am, taking breaks between grinding away at stats experiments, and you guys are running around with porn stars and taking bubble baths at the Casino Royale.

I hate you all. And I really got into the wrong career.

Posted by tsm | January 10, 2008 3:00 PM
11

The Portable Atheist is a great book. I bought the audio book on iTunes (I do that occasionally if I am really really behind on reading so I can listen while running). Highly recomended reading! The narrator sucks though. I wish Hitchen's would have narrated it like he did "God is Not Great"

Posted by Just Me | January 10, 2008 3:06 PM
12

That's not all they do in elevators ...

To some the omnipresent security cameras add that extra bit of excitement.

Posted by Will in Seattle | January 10, 2008 3:09 PM
13

I hope you gave her an ear full for not letting you know where she was just like a good Mama should!

I'm always imaging disastrous things in my mind. It sounds perfectly normal to me!

You don't make the bed in a hotel room. That is why they have maids. My husbands always yells at me because I make the beds too.


Posted by mj | January 10, 2008 3:09 PM
14

it could have been a platonic buble bath. like in the Ballad of Dorothy Parker by Prince.

Posted by max solomon | January 10, 2008 3:21 PM
15

I adore that bookstore! It's saved my sanity in LV more than once.

Posted by rlv | January 10, 2008 3:21 PM
16

Vegas is a bad place for a non-smokers.

Posted by Justin J | January 10, 2008 3:22 PM
17

i hope a HUMP! entry came out of that bubble bath.

Posted by some dude | January 10, 2008 3:28 PM
18

@17 - 100 fucking percent agree - the Forney sketch of Ms. O got me all hot and bothered yesterday. Good times. Curious, isn't Kelly always showing her O face?

Posted by agreed | January 10, 2008 3:35 PM
19

Hey, JMR, THIS is how you write an out of town adventure blog! It has everything: decapation, CSI, hot sex, bubble baths, elevator smoking and athieism...

and, you're SHARING a room?!?!?! what the fuck?!?!? I know your last book didn't sell that well, but haven't they paid you an advance for the inevitable Broadway adaption of "The Kid"?

and speaking of that, who's going to play Savage? I think Cheyenne Jackson would be a good choice...or maybe Doogie Howser and his real life gay BF David Burtka as Terry...that would be cute.

Posted by michael strangeways | January 10, 2008 3:36 PM
20

the Forney sketch of Ms. O was def a highlight of my day, too.

Posted by some dude | January 10, 2008 3:41 PM
21

Cate Blanchett will play Terry, and Eddie Deezen will play Savage.

Posted by Mr. Poe | January 10, 2008 3:43 PM
22

You made her bed? Awwww. That's so cute.

Posted by Gloria | January 10, 2008 3:46 PM
23

I have to be honest; I love Ellen Forney's stuff, but I thought she made Kelly's ass/thighs look too big...I've seen Kelly in person and she DOESN'T have a big ass...

Posted by michael strangeways | January 10, 2008 3:51 PM
24

Yeah, that's our Dan, alright - a regular bundle of cute.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | January 10, 2008 3:52 PM
25

Aurora Snow gives a hellacious blowjob. At least, it appears to be hellacious. Her combo blow/handjob is quite bonerrific.

Maybe Snow, O, and this mystery boy all got it on together? I must know!

Posted by sick bastard | January 10, 2008 3:58 PM
26

@ 19,

Actually Dan could have expensed this entire trip to The Stranger as "business". He doesn't have to spend a dime except on tacky souvenirs for the kid and Terry...and if he really knows how to work an expense account he can get them to pay for those too.

Posted by yucca flower | January 10, 2008 4:07 PM
27

...I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing...

Posted by some dude | January 10, 2008 4:17 PM
28

@19 - micheal's right, JMR. This is what we call adventure SLOG, and it's always fun.

Posted by Will in Seattle | January 10, 2008 4:23 PM
29

I seem to recall seeing (and noting) that Aurora Snow can take a hellacious sized cock up her ass too. With a smile....

Posted by Unknown | January 10, 2008 5:06 PM
30

@26 There are also these fabled creations called budgets....

Posted by Nay | January 10, 2008 10:37 PM
31

Ah Vegas,

Did you bring your son? How did he like the IMAX at the Luxor?

Did he mind the steady stream of man whores parading into your spa suite at the Luxor?

Posted by ecce homo | January 10, 2008 10:48 PM
32

ecce, you should have joined us at Moe's this evening. Everyone was *dying* to meet you. Or were you actually there...?

Really, you should come next month. There were several people there who had every reason to punch me in the mouth, and they didn't. I'm sure you'd be safe.

Posted by Big Sven | January 10, 2008 11:54 PM
33

Wow! Dan's in the same city as me! I probably won't bump into him, but its nice to know that Vegas is a little bit cooler for the duration of Dan's stay.

Posted by Wes | January 11, 2008 12:40 AM
34

Oh, ecce. I love you.

But I'm sorry to disappoint you: I was in bed by 10 last night. I'm... very... boring. Now it's 8 AM and I'm off to the gym...

Posted by Dan Savage | January 11, 2008 7:58 AM
35

Yeah, more like off to the meat factory. Slut.

Posted by Mr. Poe | January 11, 2008 8:18 AM

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