2008 The Most Important Day in the History of Ever
posted by on January 3 at 17:36 PM
I’m writing this post in the car—that’s “the car,” not “my car,” as I don’t know how to drive and technically don’t own this car. My boyfriend owns this car. You’ll find his name on the title, officer, not mine, because I hate cars and refuse to learn how to drive and certainly don’t want to own one of the damn things.
But I appreciate my boyfriend’s willingness to drive me places.
Anyway, we’re on our way back from Snoqualmie Pass, where I spent the day—Iowa Caucus Day, the most important day in the history of ever!—snowboarding with the kid and the boyfriend. Man, I wish that I’d learned to snowboard fifteen years ago when I first moved to Seattle and not three years ago; I cheated myself out of so much greenhouse-gas spewing, pristine-natural-environment despoiling pleasure.
A word about snowboarding with the kid: It’s a blast. He’s been snowboarding since he was six years old and he’s almost ten now. He rides boxes and rails, spins 360s, charges down double black diamond runs, does a little back country riding. It’s always fun to watch teenagers laugh at the little kid in the terrain park—until they see what DJ can do. And the kid can do stuff that most eighteen year-old kids can’t. He’s always breaking hearts up there on the mountain.
Anyway, I took the day off, since I’m going to have to work through the weekend on Eli’s feature—betcha didn’t know we went to the trouble of editing Eli’s features, huh?—and my boyfriend suggested that we get the hell out of the house, lest we spend all day listening to the radio and checking blogs for news about something that wouldn’t happen until late in the evening anway. I speak, of course, of the Iowa caucuses. Which are tonight—and that’s why today is the most important day in the history of ever. Because finally—finally—we’re voting, or Iowans are (go Eddie!), for the next goddamn president of the United States of America. This means, of course, that the current president of the United States isn’t going to be president for ever. Or much longer, really. And that is a balm.
Anyway, Annie is for Obama, ECB is for Edwards and/or Clinton, Eli is coy about who he’s for (haven’t beaten that daily paper training entirely out of him entirely). I’m not sure who Josh is for—Patty Hearst, I shouldn’t wonder. My buddy Andrew Sullivan is for Barack Obama and Ron Paul.
And who am I for? Al Fucking Gore. I may be the last Gore partisan, the final holdout. I don’t expect Gore to jump into the race but I still say “Gore/Obama” when people ask me who I’m supporting. But it would be more accurate to say: Edwards, Obama, Clinton, Dodd—since I could get excited about any one of them, I’m not that worked up about any one of them now. Who am I supporting? The candidate that manages to win the Democratic nomination, whoever it is.
So I’ll be delighted if Edwards wins tonight, because I like his health care plan best. And I’ll be delighted if Obama wins, because I like his personal narrative (and, yes, I’ll forgive him for sucking the dick of that ex-gay preacher). And I’ll be delighted if Hillary wins, because she’s got a vagina and that’s pretty neato (even if she’s for the flag-burning amendment) and, man, I like the idea of Bill back in the White House.
And hey: If you’re tempted—and if you don’t want to know who wins the Iowa Caucuses until late tonight—the snow was piling up at the Pass when we left—hell, it had been snowing pretty much all day. It’s not crowded, there are no lines at the lifts, and you can have entire runs all to yourself—rare conditions at the Pass. The mountain is open until 10 PM.
Edwards is ahead with 7% reporting!
HOLY SHIT! It's gonna be Pretty-Boy! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG *faints*
Actually, I'm still part of the Draft Gore 2008 group on Facebook, so you're not alone, Dan.
Even if I'm for Obama right now.
The winner of Iowa won't win the nomination.
If Edwards wins Iowa, Obama will be the nominee. If Obama wins the nomination, Clinton will be the nominee. Iowa never picks the nominee.
You're really excited.
We commented this yesterday, but Hillary has always been against a flag burning amendment. She was for a bill that declared flag burning illegal when used to intimidate (it already is) and on federal property. That's still dumb, but a pretty minor kind of dumb.
Fnarf, Iowa picks the nominee almost exactly 50% of the time. Not great, admittedly (which is why I find it funny that everyone makes such a big fuss about it), but still a whole lot more than "never."
I'm with you, Dan. I could get excited about any of them, whichever gets the nomination. I like and have reservations about every Democratic candidate- but I'll be pumped about voting for whichever one come November.
CNN is predictinga Fuckabee win.
Who won the dem caucus last time? Are they president now? Nope. How can this day be so important? And Bill back in the White House? That's just depressing.
Margaret Thatcher has a vagina, theoretically, and she was a bloody horrorshow. Same with Indira Ghandi. Having a vagina doesn't mean squat - or rather, it means one must squat - females can be the meanest sonsabitches.
In some fantasy world I support Gore. This one, meh...I'll end up voting for whichever Dme against the even more batshit Repubs.
Iowa chose Kerry last time and Gore the time before that, so, yes, they sometimes do pick the nominee.
CNN just predicted Obama to win Iowa. Excellent post Dan. I totally agree
Sorry for the random question, but Dan, do you really NOT know how to drive?
Your Gore pimping is the #1 reason (ego being second) that I think you deserve a swift kick in the nuts.
look out elijah pollack.
You're all missing the message here. Yes Obama blah blah Edwards blah balh, but the snow is the real story. We've got yet another week of Epic powder. Ya'll should be out skiing, preferably at the Pass as Dan recommends and far away from where I will be for the next few days. You leave my powder alone!
Oh, and you don't have to guzzle gas and such to enjoy. Rideshare works well for the pass. Crystal has a bus on weekends, and Stevens has a retarded shuttle that will take you from Sultan, but Snohomish does mean retarded in Chinook afterall.
Good lord you're tedious, Savage.
Except for the Gore fantasy, I completely agree with you Dan. I have minor reservations over any of them, but can comfortably support Obama, Hillary, or Edwards. I don't particularly care which. Any of those three would make a decent president, and would be a hell of an improvement over the Chimp occupying the White House right now.
But let go of the Gore thing, will ya? He's not gonna run. The time for him to jump in is past. If he jumped in now, he'd miss too many primaries to get in anyway. It isn't going to happen. Period. Just let it go.
Glad that you have forgiven Obama for the ex-gay preacher. But, I don't see why you still like Bill after the DOMA.
I hope Huckabee wins the Presidency and orders Dan Savage to LI. It's a win for both sides, and we'll be just as fucked.
"And I’ll be delighted if Hillary wins, because she’s got a vagina and that’s pretty neato..."
When I read this, I was torn between appreciating the sentiment and saying, "Thanks for the tokenism, asshole."
Then I realized that you didn't say anything about how it would be cool if Barack won because he's a brown person and that would be neato; in fact, you actually made a comment about one of his policy positions. So now I am no longer torn.
Thanks for the tokenism, asshole.
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