Slog - Comments on Savage Love Letter of the Day http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23 am sorry about my question. am a little embarrass about asking you this. first of all i read your article in the village voice newspaper. am a married woman and my husband want to have sex with me from behind. but am scared because he has a big package. am scared i will get hurt. i want to make him happy but i don't know what to do. he is always mad at me. can you help me. Don't have anal sex with someone that is mad at you. Anal sex requires a lot of preparation and you need to... Copyright 2008 Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:00:00 -0800 Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:08:38 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Comment by Gloria "Always mad at her"? Would he really take no for an answer anyway? I'm judging, but this letter just struck me as more than just a plea for advice about buttsex.

Anyway, if a guy was prepared to pound my ass and insisting he be able to do so but has no fucking idea how to do it safely is pretty alarming. Who gets in a car without learning how to drive?

]]> Gloria http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905487 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905487 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:10:01 -0800 Comment by Gloria Er. "That is pretty alarming."

]]> Gloria http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905489 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905489 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:11:11 -0800 Comment by monkey "You can have anal sex with someone that has a big package—lots of folks do—but you shouldn’t do it under duress."

Unless, of course, you dig that sort of thing. (EG)

]]> monkey http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905492 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905492 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:11:54 -0800 Comment by tsm Yeah, those few brushstrokes of context make the whole letter much creepier.

]]> tsm http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905502 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905502 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:15:42 -0800 Comment by Fifty-Two-Eighty I agree with Gloria - there are bigger things going on here than a little butt-fucking. She needs to DTMFA. There are plenty of guys in the world with "big packages" who aren't assholes.

]]> Fifty-Two-Eighty http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905505 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905505 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:16:14 -0800 Comment by *gong* Jesus christ. does she love him long time?

Don't people realize that the F7 button not only does spell checking, but grammar checking as well?

]]> *gong* http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905521 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905521 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:23:37 -0800 Comment by Smon Sounds like one of those guys who has seen so much anal in porn (from girls who are hella loose, have douched, and use lots of lube)


Same sorta guy that hate them queers for having butt secks but REALLY LOVES when women do it

]]> Smon http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905530 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905530 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:25:15 -0800 Comment by Fifty-Two-Eighty @6, I got the strong impression that English is not her native language. But I'm just guessing.

]]> Fifty-Two-Eighty http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905540 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905540 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:31:51 -0800 Comment by Will in Seattle Seriously, I think Gloria is right.

]]> Will in Seattle http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905550 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905550 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:35:27 -0800 Comment by confused Wait. "From behind" or in the behind?

]]> confused http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905564 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905564 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:43:59 -0800 Comment by irl500girl yeah, DTMFA . . .but good advice on Dan's part on how to do it to it.

]]> irl500girl http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905579 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905579 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:55:59 -0800 Comment by DJSauvage An angry man with a big package? Step aside, let me handle this.

]]> DJSauvage http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905641 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905641 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:34:45 -0800 Comment by OR Matt Creepy ...

]]> OR Matt http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905675 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905675 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:05:04 -0800 Comment by Charity Froggenhall I think this lady has bigger (pardon the phrase) issues than her sex life with her husband. If he's angry with her all the time, she may need to get to a safe place away from him.

]]> Charity Froggenhall http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905733 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905733 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:03:15 -0800 Comment by um Do you really think people like this read SLOG?

And I think its disappointin when I go to read Savage Love and its something I've already read in SLOG. Can't you do different ones?

]]> um http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905748 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905748 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:25:48 -0800 Comment by catalina vel-duray I call bullshit on the letter. I think someone's prankin' ya.

Good advice, though.

]]> catalina vel-duray http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905754 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905754 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:30:20 -0800 Comment by Anonymous She's got problems with more than her sex life. If she loves him, then one thing to try before dumping him is to get him to a doctor. A depressed man is an angry man, and SSRI's can help.

My comment on Dan's advice. I tried anal in college and it was no big deal. I was ignorant and just used some lube and had my boyfriend go to it, no buttplay or plugs or fingers or tongues. It wasn't the most thrilling thing I've tried, so I never really gotten into it; but it certainly wasn't this horrible painful experience either. Made a reasonable form of birth control though, so we did it fairly often. I'm wondering how many people have a perfectly fine experience without all this prep--it just seems excessive to me.

]]> Anonymous http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905837 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905837 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:18:50 -0800 Comment by Greg Wait... he wants to put his dick in her butt hole? Weird.

]]> Greg http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905848 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905848 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:27:36 -0800 Comment by Fifty-Two-Eighty Really, Greg, that would be an abomination against God and nature. They're both gonna burn in Hell forever. Dan, you need to put a stop to this right now while there's still a chance to save their immortal souls!

]]> Fifty-Two-Eighty http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905865 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905865 Savage Love Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:49:33 -0800 Comment by bill For book recommendations you might also have included a basic English Grammar of some kind, and Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

]]> bill http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905985 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905985 Savage Love Wed, 23 Jan 2008 07:34:54 -0800 Comment by Mike in MO I'm with Greg. I know I'm in the minority (big time!), but seriously, that's where the shit comes out. I know there's the whole taboo turn on aspect, but there are plenty of other ways to get off that feel great.

]]> Mike in MO http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905993 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c905993 Savage Love Wed, 23 Jan 2008 07:58:01 -0800 Comment by max solomon she's asking about doggie style, not anal.

"from behind".

jeez.

]]> max solomon http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906013 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906013 Savage Love Wed, 23 Jan 2008 08:37:43 -0800 Comment by ellarosa 22, why would she have such big trepidation about doggy style? that just doesn't make sense. and i agree with 8 that english is probably not her first language, therefore she said "from behind" instead of "anal." i've no doubt her husband is a creep. she probably doesn't have many other options, or doesn't think she does.

]]> ellarosa http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906078 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906078 Savage Love Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:38:12 -0800 Comment by Will in Seattle I sure hope you're right @22, but I think you're probably not.

Either way, the whole question reeks of danger signs.

]]> Will in Seattle http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906162 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906162 Savage Love Wed, 23 Jan 2008 10:12:13 -0800 Comment by strawmenflying Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but this smells like a fake. Probably written by some idiot anti-sex Christian fundamentalist.

I appreciate how Dan first defuses the letter by noting the problem is not anal sex, but the husband's anger and coersion. Then he goes on to subvert the purpose of the letter by going into proper dildo useage and anal sex guides (lol). Well done.

Random side-note: Maybe I'm just being paranoid again, but I notice a LOT of fake calls on C-SPAN. Like during the Kerry campaign in 2004, they had baby-voiced teenagers calling in support of John Kerry SEVERAL times, blabbing on and on, thus suggesting that only young idealistic fools would support Kerry. As though a 13-year old girl has nothign better to do than call C-SPAN and stay on hold to express her political opinions.

It really chaps my hide that noone calls these concern trolls out. Or maybe I'm paranoid and just need to take my meds...

]]> strawmenflying http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906388 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906388 Savage Love Wed, 23 Jan 2008 12:25:26 -0800 Comment by LeslieC When I read it the first time, I thought she meant that he was mad at her because she wouldn't let him do anal, and that was why she was seeking advice--how to do it so as to be comfortable herself and to make him happy, too.

Did anyone else read it that way? Of course, maybe he really is just mad all the time, in which case, Dan's right.

]]> LeslieC http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906840 http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/01/savage_love_letter_of_the_day_23#c906840 Savage Love Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:08:38 -0800