"Always mad at her"? Would he really take no for an answer anyway? I'm judging, but this letter just struck me as more than just a plea for advice about buttsex.

Anyway, if a guy was prepared to pound my ass and insisting he be able to do so but has no fucking idea how to do it safely is pretty alarming. Who gets in a car without learning how to drive?

Er. "That is pretty alarming."

"You can have anal sex with someone that has a big package—lots of folks do—but you shouldn’t do it under duress."

Unless, of course, you dig that sort of thing. (EG)

Yeah, those few brushstrokes of context make the whole letter much creepier.

I agree with Gloria - there are bigger things going on here than a little butt-fucking. She needs to DTMFA. There are plenty of guys in the world with "big packages" who aren't assholes.

Jesus christ. does she love him long time?

Don't people realize that the F7 button not only does spell checking, but grammar checking as well?

Sounds like one of those guys who has seen so much anal in porn (from girls who are hella loose, have douched, and use lots of lube)

Same sorta guy that hate them queers for having butt secks but REALLY LOVES when women do it

@6, I got the strong impression that English is not her native language. But I'm just guessing.

Seriously, I think Gloria is right.

Wait. "From behind" or in the behind?

yeah, DTMFA . . .but good advice on Dan's part on how to do it to it.

An angry man with a big package? Step aside, let me handle this.

Creepy ...

I think this lady has bigger (pardon the phrase) issues than her sex life with her husband. If he's angry with her all the time, she may need to get to a safe place away from him.

Do you really think people like this read SLOG?

And I think its disappointin when I go to read Savage Love and its something I've already read in SLOG. Can't you do different ones?

I call bullshit on the letter. I think someone's prankin' ya.

Good advice, though.

She's got problems with more than her sex life. If she loves him, then one thing to try before dumping him is to get him to a doctor. A depressed man is an angry man, and SSRI's can help.

My comment on Dan's advice. I tried anal in college and it was no big deal. I was ignorant and just used some lube and had my boyfriend go to it, no buttplay or plugs or fingers or tongues. It wasn't the most thrilling thing I've tried, so I never really gotten into it; but it certainly wasn't this horrible painful experience either. Made a reasonable form of birth control though, so we did it fairly often. I'm wondering how many people have a perfectly fine experience without all this prep--it just seems excessive to me.

Wait... he wants to put his dick in her butt hole? Weird.

Really, Greg, that would be an abomination against God and nature. They're both gonna burn in Hell forever. Dan, you need to put a stop to this right now while there's still a chance to save their immortal souls!

For book recommendations you might also have included a basic English Grammar of some kind, and Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

I'm with Greg. I know I'm in the minority (big time!), but seriously, that's where the shit comes out. I know there's the whole taboo turn on aspect, but there are plenty of other ways to get off that feel great.

she's asking about doggie style, not anal.

"from behind".

jeez.

22, why would she have such big trepidation about doggy style? that just doesn't make sense. and i agree with 8 that english is probably not her first language, therefore she said "from behind" instead of "anal." i've no doubt her husband is a creep. she probably doesn't have many other options, or doesn't think she does.

I sure hope you're right @22, but I think you're probably not.

Either way, the whole question reeks of danger signs.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but this smells like a fake. Probably written by some idiot anti-sex Christian fundamentalist.

I appreciate how Dan first defuses the letter by noting the problem is not anal sex, but the husband's anger and coersion. Then he goes on to subvert the purpose of the letter by going into proper dildo useage and anal sex guides (lol). Well done.

Random side-note: Maybe I'm just being paranoid again, but I notice a LOT of fake calls on C-SPAN. Like during the Kerry campaign in 2004, they had baby-voiced teenagers calling in support of John Kerry SEVERAL times, blabbing on and on, thus suggesting that only young idealistic fools would support Kerry. As though a 13-year old girl has nothign better to do than call C-SPAN and stay on hold to express her political opinions.

It really chaps my hide that noone calls these concern trolls out. Or maybe I'm paranoid and just need to take my meds...

When I read it the first time, I thought she meant that he was mad at her because she wouldn't let him do anal, and that was why she was seeking advice--how to do it so as to be comfortable herself and to make him happy, too.

Did anyone else read it that way? Of course, maybe he really is just mad all the time, in which case, Dan's right.