Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day
posted by January 22 at 15:00 PMon
am sorry about my question. am a little embarrass about asking you this. first of all i read your article in the village voice newspaper. am a married woman and my husband want to have sex with me from behind. but am scared because he has a big package. am scared i will get hurt. i want to make him happy but i don’t know what to do. he is always mad at me. can you help me.
Don’t have anal sex with someone that is mad at you.
Anal sex requires a lot of preparation and you need to be relaxed and comfortable and be to trust that the person fucking your ass is as concerned with your health and safety and pleasure as he is with his own. Your husband’s hostility and selfishness is going to make you feel anything but relaxed or comfortable. If he can’t let go of the anger, don’t have anal sex with him at all, ever, period. If he can let go of the anger, anonymous married lady, here’s how to overcome your fear…
Engage in mutually agreeable anal sex play the first few DOZEN times you explore your butt. This means NO big-package-in-butt penetration for you, no expectation of big-package-in-butt penetration on his part, for the first few DOZEN or so times. Only tongues, fingers, and small toys—SMALL dildos or buttplugs and vibrators—at the start. Have a few dozen orgasms during safe and low-stakes anal explorations and you may start to associate anal play with pleasure, not fear. Then you can work up to full-on anal penetration—which can only be done with LOTS of lube and patience and consideration.
You CAN get hurt having anal sex with an angry, inconsiderate, or impatient partner. If your husband is any or all of those things, anonymous married lady, tell him it’s just not going to happen.
I also recommend that you buy these two books:
And tell your husband that nothing—not tongues, fingers, toes, toys, or dick—is going anywhere near your ass until he reads both these books. (You, of course, should read them too.) You can have anal sex with someone that has a big package—lots of folks do—but you shouldn’t do it under duress.