Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day
posted by on January 10 at 14:01 PM
I’m a straight guy going to a West Coast university. Although I enjoy vanilla sex, I really get off on the fantasy of women submitting (not forcing them), and it’s all made that much kinkier by the fact that the less they (hypothetically) enjoy it the more it turns me on. If you still need clarification, the Bloodhound Gang has a song called ‘A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying.’Here’s why I’m writing: this kink is a really major part of my sexuality, and has been, no lie, since kindergarten. But I’m a decent guy, I’m not a misogynist, and I would never do any of this in real life, because it would involve nonconsensual sex and that’s just not cool. But it’s something I can’t exactly be open about, if only because the local women’s group would burn down my house. I’ve only ever told two people, close friends who won’t blab; one didn’t get it, and the other thinks I’m going to turn into a rapist. I think you’ve got a better chance of understanding, and it would be good to hear someone say “Yeah, keep it in your head but there’s nothing wrong with it,” because I’ve never gotten that from anyone. Plus, any sex tips you’ve got lying around for a sadist getting it done with a more vanilla partner would come in handy.
Sadist Assuaging Distressing Intolerable Solitary Time
Why keep it in your head? There are plenty of kinky, masochistic women out there and one of the tired-and-true tricks of the BDSM trade—and a major turn-on for tons of BDSM players—is the bottom being “forced” (but willingly enduring) something he or she doesn’t enjoy in order to earn something he or she does enjoy. Those sadistic trade offs— “Drink my piss, which i know you hate, and i’ll let you suck me off, which i know you love”—spin the cranks of submissive men and women everywhere.
So not to worry, SADIST. There’s a girl out there for you. Of course, you can’t engage in any kinky or extreme sex acts—in any sex acts, period, however vanilla—without first obtaining someone’s consent. But you can, as many kinky folks do, engage in consensual role-play scenarios where you pretend there’s no consent. The sex you’re having can look, sound, and feel like rape but—poof!—it’s not rape if both parties consented and are getting off. Consent is the magic ingredient.
So there’s nothing wrong with your kinks, and harboring them doesn’t make you a bad dude. And, again, there’s no reason to keep ‘em in your head. Find a girl that shares ‘em, talk it all through, establish boundaries and safe words, and then… well, do what turns you both on.
You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this is the type of guy who would choke the woman to death before he ejaculates, whether the sex is consensual or not.
HA! I'm taking this kid with me to Jerry's birthday party this weekend!
Oh, this should be fun. Gonna go grab me some popcorn ...
No way since kindergarten, he chose that kink life style when he was recruited by the older lady down the street.
SADIST just described me as well, and you're absolutely right, Dan, it's not sick and perverted - well, maybe a littld bit :-) - and he should have no great difficulty finding the right lady to "play along." Take it slow and easy, develop a LOT of trust first, and make sure HER pleasure comes first, and you'll be amazed what you can get away with.
Just described me to. But opposite end of the equation. And gay.
Reminds me of an old Woody Allen interview in Playboy:
Q: Is sex dirty?
A: It is if it's done right.
I wonder why these fantasies seem to be start growing so very early? Are kinks that fundamental to base personality, or could the sort of mental and play rehearsals that little future kinksters indulge in before they're even clear on the the practicalities of sex serve some sort of purpose?
I have to confess I found this letter kinda boring. I mean, hasn't this guy read any of Mistress Matisse's writing?
Interesting question, Beguine. I can think of things I wanted to do sexually, years before I saw it in porn, and I can think of things that never occurred to me, as something I'd like to do, until I saw it in porn. So, who knows?
A barbie doll and a box of rubber bands can shape your entire sexual future from a very young age.
Come on, Barbie--let's go party!
Citing a Bloodhound Gang song for any reason makes him a bad person.
Sht, I'm a chick and I get off on the rape fantasy, from both the male and female perspective.
Is that weird? Should I be writing Dan letters?
"Dear Dan,
I'm a kinky freak and I love it and so do the people I fuck.
My question is, are you aware of any sort of safeword thesaurus? I'm getting bored with my current list.
Thanks,
Violet"
I suggest someone point the fellow in the general direction of the Wet Spot, the Seattle Sex-Positive Community Center. He'd find plenty of like-minded non-creepy types there to play with.
Fucking college kids...
It seems like every girlfriend I've had has some sort of rape fantasy. My current girlfriend wants me to come over sometime when she's not expecting me. I'm to wear a ski mask and force my way in and "rape" her at knife point or something. I'm a little creeped out by the idea, as I'm more into masochism than sadism.
Patton Oswalt does a hilarious bit about peoples' "weird" sex things and how no matter how weird you think your sex thing is, for someone out there it's their boring everyday job. The example he uses is the editor of Piss Drinkers magazine. Good shit.
@14: Just grab some random word that you normally wouldn't say during sex.
@16: That's kinda intense.
Just make sure that she doesn't get TOO into the fantasy and that any feigned screams of "Don't! Help!" don't send the neighbours running to call 911.
Gloria@19: I had a friend that happened to. Highly embarrassing when the cops showed up.
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