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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Savage Love Letter of the Day

posted by on January 8 at 13:23 PM

My boyfriend of a year and I broke up a month ago. We had fun, had amazing sex, met each other’s families, hung out all the time (maybe too much), moved to a new city (though did not move in together). Towards the end I realized what different ideas we had about our relationship. I was, and still am quite in love with him but he claims to have never said “I love you” to anyone and won’t say it to me. It’s almost nihilistic. He really doesn’t communicate anything about how he feels about me. He rarely tells me I’m beautiful, he thinks that just by us having sex implies that. It’s so infuriating, and really fucks with my head, putting ideas of jealousy and betrayal in the mix.

I got so fed up, I called it off, which is what he wanted all along but was too weak to do. But since we broke up we’ve been hanging out with mutual friends and about once a week having mind-blowing sex. Now he’s talking about the merits of non monogamous relationships, and of course vaguely implying that’s what he wants to do. It could be fine, I wouldn’t mind having sex with other people but I really need him to say he loves me. Is that ridiculous?

Chicken Ass Boyfriend

Yes, CAB, it is. Or I should say, “Yes, CAB, you are.” Your boyfriend is an asshole and he’s playing you—he enjoys the emotional torment he’s inflicting on you. DTMFA—again, and mean it this time. No more sex with this particular ex.

RSS icon Comments

1

Right on. Again. Guess that's why they pay you the big bucks.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | January 8, 2008 1:29 PM
2

But I completely understand wanting to have mind-blowingly great sex with an ex that otherwise you'd just as soon bash in the head with a baseball bat.

Why are assholes so good in bed?

Posted by monkey | January 8, 2008 1:30 PM
3

Reading these is such a delightful schadenfreude when you have a great relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, dude was really strong to break it off. DON'T GET SUCKED BACK IN!

Posted by Lake | January 8, 2008 1:32 PM
4

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone!

If she is still seeing the ex it will make it more difficult to meet someone new. DTMFA!

Posted by Suz | January 8, 2008 1:33 PM
5

Cut off all sexual ties to him, especially if you two have been fucking BB and he's having sex with other guys. Hell in fact cut off all ties to him for at least a couple of weeks to a month just to give yourself that distance you need to realize how much of an asshole he was to you.

If he really cared for you and was in love with you but couldn't say it, he would've tried to take you back by now.

Posted by apres_moi | January 8, 2008 1:36 PM
6

CAB is a girl.

Posted by Dan Savage | January 8, 2008 1:40 PM
7

@6

Signing his name as a boyfriend reiterates how restarted this specimen is, then.

Posted by Lake | January 8, 2008 1:50 PM
8

Uh, how is the boyfriend the asshole?

Posted by Mr. Poe | January 8, 2008 1:54 PM
9

Of course CAB is a girl.  It stands for Cute Asian Babe.  everyone knows that.

Posted by No jokes about cab fare... | January 8, 2008 1:55 PM
10

CAB is never, ever going to get what she wants from this guy. She needs to cut her losses and cut off all contact with him.

Posted by Greg | January 8, 2008 1:57 PM
11

Write him off.

Posted by Will in Seattle | January 8, 2008 2:01 PM
12

The book "The Velvet Rage" discusses this all too common Gay male need for constant validation from outside oneself. If one does not constantly hear "I love you" "you are the world to me" the offended partner assumes the worst. It is any wonder so many Gay LTRs last no more than 2 years?

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | January 8, 2008 2:06 PM
13

CAB IS A GIRL??? WTF! Okay never mind what I wrote.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | January 8, 2008 2:07 PM
14

I don't think it matters if CAB is a girl. Interesting to see it from both sides.

But I assumed it was a girl because she wants to hear that she's beautiful. I don't need to hear "I love you" -- I know he loves me! But I could hear "You're beautiful" every day and never get tired of it... (vain, I know)

Posted by Irena | January 8, 2008 3:26 PM
15

If nice girls like CAB didn't stick around waiting for douchebags like her boyfriend to grow a brain, half the male species wouldn't ever get any action. It's natures way of compensating for the fact that so many of us guys are complete assholes.

That being said, biology is not destiny. You won't DTMFA until you stop being comfortable w/ the status quo, and you won't do that until you stop playing occasional hide-the-banana with him.

Stop it. Now.

Posted by Big Sven | January 8, 2008 4:03 PM
16

I have a feeling there's another side to this story. "Tell me you love me! Boo hoo hoo hoo fuck me fuck fuck me fuuu...get out MY HOUSE you ASSHOLE let's hang out with Biff and Mary-Anne at the beerblast, ok?"

Posted by Yeek | January 8, 2008 4:30 PM
17

I have no problem with continuing with the occasional mind-blowing sex if, and only if, CAB fully realizes that a serious loving relationship will never come of it, and is okay with that.

Posted by Reverse Polarity (formerly SDA in SEA) | January 8, 2008 6:14 PM

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