For whatever it's worth, Dan, I thought your advice to LIMP was bang-on.

Did van Buren have a small dick?

Are you sure these aren't leftover letters you're finding in her desk?

As a hetero woman... small dick anxiety is an extremely unattractive characteristic for a guy to have. I definitely agree with the "your dick is your dick, get over it" advice. If I were this guy's girlfriend, I probably wouldn't care about his slightly smaller than average dick, but I would be annoyed to no end by his constant obsession with whether his dick was too small for me.

Seriously. What is the deal with this anxiety? I don't obsess about whether my significant other is going to leave me for a woman with bigger tits. So, why does this seem to be such an issue with guys?

Not to brag, but I can't remotely relate to this guy's problem.

Not that I'm Mark Ashley or anything ;-)

remember the guy who lived in a trailer park, smoked, was out of shape, has a crap job and complained that the only dates he could get were with trailer park skanks? he wanted higher -qual wimmin, and he thought the answer to his problem was that "a few more inches down there wouldn't hurt"? remember that letter? well, you failed to point out to him that classier women couldn't be turning him down for dates due to dick size, AS THEY NEVER EVEN SAW HIS DICK BEFORE REJECTING HIM. these people aren't rational. you can't reach them with reason.

Well, the only suicide hotline counselors I know, Dan, are Ann Rule and that nice young guy who murdered women, so maybe it's a good thing you're not a suicide hotline counselor.

And Julie's right. Even if guys tend to have problems with obsessing over this.

There also seems to be some weird cognitive dissonance about our society's belief that women don't care as much about sex (i.e., the stereotype of women who stop having sex after they get married) and the fact that there are guys who worry that their girlfriend might leave them for someone with a bigger dick.

Dan, I totally agree w/ your advice. If your girlfriend says she's fine, trust her. If you don't trust her, your relationship if fucked and you should get out of it.

BUT...

Julie, dick size and breast size are different things. Everyone knows your (general) breast size before they get into a relationship with you. If you're not in their target zone, they don't date you. But women don't find out about us fellas until we're in the sack.

And some combinations of male size and female sensitivity are incompatible- a female friend of mine is totally vaginal and her (ex-)husband is the size of her index finger. No, she shouldn't have married him, but she definitely didn't find this out until they were in the sack.

Why didn't you just tell him to cum on her face to see if she really loves him?

The letter writer apparently missed the part where LIMP specifically requested harsh advice.

Dan, would you mind stealing Dear Abbey's mail and answering it? I mean, could you guys do a switcheroo for one column. It would be pretty fucking hilarious.

Better you get fed up and tell him to stop whining then his girlfriend does as she walks out the door. Sometimes when one is insecure about something, there reaches a point when handholding and gentle reassurance just encourages you to keep coming back for more constant reassurance to the point of becoming a complete pest. Sometimes it helps to be told to stop obsessing a little more harshly.

If he thinks his dick is too small, maybe he can develop an interest in fisting.

@8: julie, people can often have fears that seem contradictory. but in this case, the fears could actually be the same: both are fears of the woman not wanting sex with the man (perhaps because he isn't "satisfying" her) -- only differing in whether she stops having sex with him or decides to have it with someone else.

and breast size doesn't play as big a role in sex as penis size (neither plays as big a role as attitude, though).

I guess Ann Lander's desk isn't possessed by her restless spirit, like I thought it would be.

Really Dan, we've come to expect such sensitive advice from you over the years. This harsh reply is so out of character for you. I'm completely shocked. Completely, I say.

Big Sven -- well, most women don't obsess about whether their guy is going to leave them for someone who has a smaller vagina, or who gives better head, or whatever. And most men don't obsess about their woman leaving them for a guy who's better at oral sex. All things you also wouldn't find out until you're in the sack.

I guess I don't understand why the dick is such a source of insecurity for some guys. When, really, it is only one thing on a list of considerations when a woman thinks about whether she is sexually satisfied.

What @17 says. LIMP explicitly asked for a blunt opinion, however harsh. He knew what he was doing. Sort of reminds me of the people calling in to Laura Schlessinger about their extramarital sex and pregnancies, etc.

Once again, Julie is 100 percent correct. Guys need to get past this unnecessary fear.

If you're that concerned about it, learn what she likes and it will not be that much of a problem anyway.

@4 -

I probably wouldn't care about his slightly smaller than average dick ... why does this seem to be such an issue with guys?

Well, some women I've been with would have cared about his smaller than average dick, in my experience. Thankfully, I'm firmly on the other side of that particular bell curve, but I feel for any guys who may have encountered them.

Julie et al,

Ridiculous as it is, anxiety about size shouldn't be a mystery.  Size is a simple, easy gaged characteristic that competitive men can use to differentiate themselves and belittle their competition, making it a naturally popular proxy for sexual prowess.  Simmer for a few millenia, stir in the modern teenage existence and media culture, and voila!  Holy Grail.

That Holy Grail isn't confined to the far right tip of the bell curve, though.  It's almost the entire right side.  When locker room conversations (on both sides of the gym) categorize everyone as "bigger than most" or "not that big," it's pretty much guaranteed to induce obsessive anxiety in at least a few.

The point is there's absolutely nothing LIMP can do about his dick size (endless spam to the contrary notwithstanding), so why worry? It can't change anything. Confidence in what you have is way more attractive than insecurity over what you don't have. And if she leaves, she leaves. Nothing he can do to keep her. Her loss. Quit bitching and move on.

--breast size doesn't play as big a role in sex as penis size...

Unless you like getting a hoagie shack.

Julie @4: It's good that you're not insecure about that, because I'm sure that would annoy your boyfriend just as much as a guy whining about the size of his dick would annoy you. My breasts aren't really big, but they're proportianate to my body size, so I'm happy. Unfortunately, some people still aren't happy, so they get plastic surgery. It doesn't matter if it looks natural (a woman who's 5'6 isn't likely to have DD tits unless she's got a lot of extra weight on her!) so long as they look bigger in the end.
I agree with you that it's silly, both for guys and girls.

Dude should just read his email. I get news on products everyday that will make sure she will be especially glad to light upon bigger package in your pants when you obtain greater length and volume.

dan,
i hope your advice to LIMP was right in time. it wouldn't be the first time a lady got fed up with incessant bitching about dick size and left the sap.

one of my ex's wasn't so lucky as to have your advice in time.

@10:
You forgot about breakfast. Breakfast is key.

So, yeah, some of us do care about dick size, but not nearly as much as we care about a guy not being severely self-obsessed and generally annoying. My favorite thing about both the column and the podcast is that Dan has developed a pretty keen ability to judge character and read between the lines based on the little bit of info that people give him. It's hilarious. This was a great example.

To those women (and men) who claim that dick size is only one of many factors that go into relationship satisfaction: yes, but...

Doesn't Lustlab have a specific entry for "Size Matters"?

LIMP should calm down and trust his girlfriend. But it's not unreasonable for a guy with a small crank to wonder (at first) if he's sufficient. As I said earlier, some women will dump a guy for having a small one.

The guy should buy something he can drive that has a HEMI.
That will fix his widdle weenie.

There's a great bit in Don Quixote (the tale of the Ill-Advised Curiosity) about the horrible fate of a guy who can't believe that his girl loves him true. Kind of a no-brainer though.

@29 - size does matter, but not the way you think.

Confidence is #1. Size is primarily thickness, not so much length. Altho, if you're GGG and turn her on, she sure wouldn't mind if you had both size and girth - but not too much, that does hurt ... at least for some women.

Again, guys obsess over this way too much and the resulting lack of confidence is what keeps women away, not normally the actual dimensions.

sorry Will, but a guy telling other guys what women want/like in penis size is a fucking crack-up.