Slog - Comments on Oh Mormon, My Mormon!

Comment by tomasyalba

tomasyalba — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:17:21 -0800

So super awesome. Thank you, sir!

Comment by Will in Seattle

Will in Seattle — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:21:46 -0800

Very personal account. Spot on!

Comment by Lindy

Lindy — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:21:58 -0800

Adrian, I love you a lot.

Comment by HJB

HJB — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:22:42 -0800

I'm so glad my parents ditched the Mormon church when I was 3. They're hardcore liberals now. Good thing - having a gay son wasn't so much of an issue for them (in that it wasn't an issue at all... my mom's bugging me to find a nice boyfriend).

Family reunions are interesting, though.

Comment by Mr. Poe

Mr. Poe — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:25:50 -0800

Best slog post of 2008.

Comment by Hernandez

Hernandez — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:27:25 -0800

That is so freakin' awesome. Adrian, this may be your best post ever.

Comment by Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:30:50 -0800

That is so awesome. Much kudos to Jeremy, and thank you for articulating (as it were) why Mitt Romney is not one of the wacky Mormons I love to pieces.

Comment by skweetis

skweetis — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:31:41 -0800

This post made me so sad. Coming out blows for a lot of us, but I can't imagine the pressure of knowing that if you tell one person "I'm gay" once, that you have to give up your whole life - your family, your home, everything you've ever known. Of course there's a new life out there that's a thousand times better, but still. I'm surprised mormon closet cases aren't just exploding and going fucking postal all the time.

Comment by elenchos

elenchos — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:33:09 -0800

See Golob? No need to spend hours on a Slog post. Just bang out one like this before your Americano has time to cool.

Comment by mike

mike — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:35:08 -0800

You are a god-damn evil genius and treasure of humanity, Mr. bong-clingin' Ryan, and this is among the evidence that will be used in supporting the case for a gilded statue of yourself, bong in hand, atop a very tall building or hill at some point in the distant future.

Comment by Fnarf

Fnarf — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:36:57 -0800

The difference is that Romney is a businessman first and foremost. The anti-gay stuff will disappear the instant he's elected, because he won't need the kooks anymore, and every businessman knows that being anti-gay is bad for business (most sensibly-run companies have some form of partnership benefits, for instance).

Huckabee on the other hand is a true believer through and through who would be PROUD to junk the economy, or anything else, as long as Jesus is being properly venerated.

Comment by Ziggity

Ziggity — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:39:30 -0800

Lovely post! Well done.

Comment by OR Matt

OR Matt — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:47:47 -0800

Being from New England I'm kind of with @11 ...

Likewise he still doesn't have my vote ...

Comment by Julie

Julie — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:50:27 -0800

Well put Fnarf @11. Romney blows with the wind, but Huckabee has his feet firmly planted in Crazy Town.

Hard to decide who to hate more, but luckily for me, I don't have to.

Comment by Fnarf

Fnarf — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:51:29 -0800

Mine either, to clarify -- Romney's a pig and a hypocrite. But a hypocrite is always preferable to a True Believer.

Comment by stacy

stacy — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:55:55 -0800

First off, it's Moroni, not Maroni.

Second, as a "recovering Mormon", I completely agree with you about Romney. I don't understand why other Mormons aren't freaked out by him.

Comment by Mr. Poe

Mr. Poe — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:56:46 -0800

Atheists are pure. We are above anyone who believes in any God. This is something I truly believe. They are not equal, and they are not our friends. They are our enemies.

Hugz!

Comment by OR Matt

OR Matt — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:59:50 -0800

What about the nihilists Mr. Poe?

Comment by Mike of Renton

Mike of Renton — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:01:15 -0800

My wife grew up Catholic in a very Mormon town. One of her favorite uses of a certain social site (that I won't mention, because I work there) is to find all of the Mormons she knew who have come out of the closet since high school.

Comment by OR Matt

OR Matt — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:04:15 -0800

Is it me ... or do more people have to come out of the closet in more contraversial families ... whereas families that wouldn't give a shit, everyone SEEMS to come out straight?

Comment by OR Matt

OR Matt — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:05:13 -0800

Or maybe I'm just really niave ...

Comment by Mr. Poe

Mr. Poe — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:05:57 -0800

Nihilists have been O.K.'d. And Greg gets off on a technicality that I will never explain because I have the astonishing ability to not have to explain myself. Because I'm too fucking cool for school. And the Space Needle. But not asthma.

Comment by Dade

Dade — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:20:41 -0800

Adrian, I love you. Don't ever stop.

Comment by Suz

Suz — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:21:43 -0800

I'm a recovering Mormon too and while I dislike Mitt, I would much rather have him run the country that Huckabee. Huckabee is pure evil.

Actually, the thought of either one of them as President makes me sick. Let's change the subject!

Hey, good post Adrian. Look up your old friend! He sounds amazing!

Comment by Hunter

Hunter — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:21:45 -0800

Actually my home state of Montana invalidated those deviant sexual whatever laws in 1997. But the legislators refuse to take them off the books for "symbolic reasons." But you cant be prosecuted for them anymore. Had a few friends that were registered sex offenders because they were arrested under those laws though for being gay.

Comment by Hiro

Hiro — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:22:20 -0800

Adrian, you are officially my favorite.

Comment by Sweeney Agonistes

Sweeney Agonistes — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 14:45:38 -0800

Nice one, Adrian.

Comment by Mike of Renton

Mike of Renton — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:01:33 -0800

I forgot to mention that I'm a recovering Mormon as well. BTW, is there an easy way to get excommunicated? My grandpa knocked up his local bishop's wife, but I'm afraid that isn't an option I'd consider.

Comment by acolyte

acolyte — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:02:13 -0800

At the risk of becoming just another redundant groupie, that was fantastic. I'm going to have to find a way to work "Brigham youngin's" into a conversation very soon.

Comment by Rob

Rob — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:05:18 -0800

OR Matt@20: You are not the only person to have noticed this. God is an ironist, and rewards homophobic communities with especially large numbers of gay children.

Comment by Cate

Cate — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:25:20 -0800

Fantastic!

And, yes, all mormons are gay. Or adorable guys who give off a strong bi-vibe. Or my ugly mean uncle.

(Admittedly, my sample is somewhat limited.)

Comment by Abe

Abe — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:28:43 -0800

Mike, I think you'll probably have to go to a bishop and confess to something like doing drugs, paying for an abortion, or never paying your tithing. They'll schedule you a hearing, but you can skip that and it should go through.

Or, tell your MTC leader how many blowjobs you got in high school, they'll have you on a plane home within hours...

Comment by abpend

abpend — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:31:48 -0800

@28: You can resign. See http://mormonnomore.com/

Comment by hawk

hawk — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 16:42:33 -0800

OMG Adrian you're from Bozeman too?

Comment by what I have noticed.

what I have noticed. — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:08:18 -0800

About a third of the gays I know are mormon and vice versa. One is even a "Diversity Manager."

Comment by Raphael

Raphael — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:10:18 -0800

Nice Adrian, just plain nice post.

You can write, do it more often.

Heart and soul. Your life, your observations. I will read it every time.

Nice, nice.

Comment by MT

MT — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:23:47 -0800

Nicely written Adrian. Probably the best argument I've heard yet to vote FOR Romney.

I mean honestly, if a shrieking little fag like you hates him, he can't be all bad.

Comment by lost in dc

lost in dc — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:30:00 -0800

Some scientific study showed that big families produce more gay sons (I saw this on the Colbert Report, therefore, it must be true). That may explain all the closet cases among religions that believe in having lots of kids and/or disapprove of birth control.

Comment by Y.F.

Y.F. — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:51:26 -0800

I like Mormons up to the point they try and convert me. After that, not so much. Seriously, though, their missionaries aren't nearly as obnoxious as Baptists, but still pretty annoying.

Comment by OR Matt

OR Matt — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 20:56:38 -0800

Mormons seem to be harsher on their family than anyone else. Outside of their family they are perfectly happy and content with the fact that YOU are going to hell. Once Mormans do their mission work, it's like they feel that they are done prothsletizing.

Comment by Julie

Julie — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:38:28 -0800

OR Matt. Not so sure about that... my cousin lives in Vegas and the other day told a hilarious story (one of those we can laugh about it now stories) about how a few weeks ago their Mormon friends (well, ex-friends) had them over for dinner.

The missionaries/conversion posse just happened to "stop by" and it turned into a full-on tent revival attempt to convert him and his wife. Personalized. Like, just for them.

He also talked about another friend, who's gay and going through the process of being ex-communicated. So, 28, that's always an option.

Comment by Babs-ra

Babs-ra — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:18:52 -0800

Sandwiched between 2 mormon missionaries, intent on converting me to Mormonism during a flight from NY to Salt Lake City, I decided to go for the throat. I pulled out a copy of Anne Rice's The Witching Hour from my carry-on, and spent the better part of 2 hours extolling the virtues of demons and the Mayfair witches. After that, I proudly showed them my "voodoo" ceremonial necklaces.
What followed was a beautiful, sweet and very welcomed silence. A state of bliss for the remainder of the flight.

Comment by Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:28:41 -0800

Best. Post. Ever. I have gay Mormon friends too. What's the deal with all them goin' queer?

Comment by Phelix

Phelix — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:30:24 -0800

@38~

One of the working theories right now is that the more older brothers a boy has, the more likely he is to be queer. The idea is that the mother's body builds up a resistance to the male hormones in the fetus and start trying to attack them, and by eliminating them feminizes the fetus.

I'm not sure how that would explain me and my older sisters... but c'est la vie.

Comment by jason the infrequent poster

jason the infrequent poster — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:43:49 -0800

Many years ago - I was one the BEST Mormon missionaries in the entire system. Yep, bragging now.

Have not been in the Church in over 20 years, as to why all the gay men .... well they make such a deal about premarital sex, fucking your buddy is logical. Hand jobs and blow jobs are SOP, talk to a Mormon girl at BYU.

By the way, there is really no hell in Mormonism, except for a very few; NO one on Slog would be there. Heaven awaits all of you, be assured.

Ezra Taft Benson ruined the Mormon church with right wing politics. Such a shame.

I support Edwards, and Mitt is not the ONE.

Comment by Donolectic

Donolectic — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:49:04 -0800

Adrian,

This was absolutely awesome.

Comment by OR Matt

OR Matt — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:07:01 -0800

@41 I don't know why, but the University of Oregon chemistry department seems to have quite the assembly of Mormans. Who knew. I attribute it the family friendly atmosphere. But given that they are the minority, they seem to keep a low profile. Oregon is supposedly the least religious state in the country, but just listening to those that ARE religious, one would think otherwise. As a matter of fact, before coming to the West Coast from the Northeast, I used to think that the whole church thing was something that some people do in their free time that doesn't seem to affect to real life. In fact, religion to "religious people"... it was about as significant to real life as your participation in your recreational basketball league. Coming to Oregon, those people who ARE religious ... it seems that it has to have EVERYTHING to do with their real life, like they are overcompensating for us heathens. Even though it's not as bad as Southeast, my first impression was that it actually was that way. I find it infuriating how people can let it consume their identiy. The mormans just seem to be nicer for whatever reason than most denominations, definetly have seen more drama from Jehovah's witnesses.

In all honesty ... yeah I don't like Mitt Romney, but I feel bad that he has to kiss ass to all these religion is all life and all morality people. He wouldn't have even been elected in Mass in the first place if he truely felt that way.

Comment by MLeaver

MLeaver — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:42:43 -0800

Be careful, Adrian!

This slog was dangerously close to sane.

(Seriously, thank you.)

Comment by lil guy

lil guy — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 12:05:35 -0800

mt @ #37:
adrian isn't that little, I couldn't walk for a few days...trust me!

Comment by Alex

Alex — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:45:40 -0800

So I'm a Recovering Mormon Poofta as well. To my shock, my conservative LDS family down in Orange County, CA (one of the last bastions of republicanism in southern california) are going for Obama. Romney "gives them the creeps".

Truly there *is* a God. Or something.