At Large Monorail! Monorail!
posted by on January 11 at 14:21 PM
It glides as softly as a cloud…
It took some doing but we finally found the Las Vegas Monorail. It’s behind the hotels—way behind ‘em—where no one can see it and think of actually taking it. But there it is, sailing over the cab I was taking back to my hotel.
And speaking of cabs in Las Vegas: Is there anything more inefficient than the taxi lines outside these fucking hotels? There’s a huge line of cabs, idling, waiting to pick fares up. There’s a long line of people waiting to get picked up. One at a time a douchebag hotel employee gives a little wave, a cab pulls up, he asks the next person in line where he/she/they’re going, the douchebag opens the door to the cab, tells the cab driver where the fare is going, the fare get in, the douchebag shuts the door. We’re forced to line up for this elaborate ritual so that we’ll feel obligated to give the douchebag a dollar for opening the door of our cab, something we could do for ourselves, and telling the cab driver where we’re going, ditto.
People need to line up for cabs in Vegas, of course. Wouldn’t want the front of every hotel to look like 5th Avenue in New York City during a thunderstorm, with people competing for cabs, racing each other into the street. But there’s no reason why folks couldn’t be loaded into a line of cabs—seven or eight, all at once, just like at the airport—and slowly loaded into cabs one at a fucking time. No wait, there is a reason: Because then we wouldn’t feel obligated to give the douchebag a dollar. So to make us feel obligated to give the douchebag a dollar, we have to stand in a cab line for 45 minutes instead of five or ten minutes.
Sorry. Just needed to get that off my chest.
Because Vegas exists to suck money out of your pockets, Dan.
But seriously, it sounds like this relationship is not going well at all. Maybe you and Vegas need to break up before things get ugly.
Okay, I know there are porn stars there and stuff (now), but I just don't get the appeal of LV. At all. Now that Celine's done, I just don't think I'll be making the long slog to the desert. . .
Sorry about the cab line. . .
Wow.... I live far out enough from Montreal that my city adress isn't even Montreal (it's Outremont). But I still have a cab stand at my street corner, and there's another bigger one a couple blocks down.
It sounds like LV sucks as much as Seattle.
Dan, what is your problem today? Are you hungover or something?
For the record, the "douchebag" is there to keep order. Your little airport idea, while cute and idealistic, would be mayhem. Airports don't care about mayhem, hotels very much do.
Also, the "douchebag" is there to make sure the cabbie behaves and doesn't throw a spaz if they aren't taking you a very long distance. That is usually not an issue at the airport, as those fares are negotiated by the airport's controlling authority.
Finally, you are not "obligated" to tip him. You will never see him again.
Of course, if you don't, you're an asshole :-)
What if all the cabs were Green cabs, all plug-in hybrids?
In that case, sitting there, they wouldn't be idling, and that would be better, wouldn't it?
It's not chaos at the airport, CVD. People line up, the guy in charge tells you which cab is yours, people file down the line, seven or eight cabs take off at once. It works very efficiently. The line outside the hotels is slow and there's no reason or excuse for it. Have you ever been here?
As someone who grew up there, the cab situation is weird and inefficient, but the "douchebag" is there to try and keep order and, like everyone else in town, lives on tips.
Oh yes, and the casinos actually do want to make it hard for you to leave - that is how they make more money. They wouldn't mind at all if you got fed up and went back in for more gambling.
The monorail is losing money and always breaking down. Despite people touting it as a great thing in other cities, it is a waste. The Vegas monorail first proposed in the 80s was supposed go from Cashman Field to the airport - and be built by 1990. When it opened a few years back, it had morphed basically into a ride privately funded by the hotels.
Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing can compare to the People Mover in Detroit. Nothing. Whenever y'all think you've got it bad, think of Detroit.
I hear those things are awfully loud!
It glides as softly as a cloud!
What about us brain-dead slobs?
You'll be given cushy jobs!
Monorail! Monorail!
So the porn convention and CES were the same week? What a town!
And don't forget that the douchebag might have to speak multiple languages.
Also be sure to check out the Star Trek Experience at the Hilton (it's on the monorail). It will blow your mind.
Dan, don't be a sucker.
Be an asshole instead and walk around the line and towards the carport entrance and hail a cab there.
@12, you can't hail a cab on the strip. At least, that's what the law says, and that was my experience last time I tried to do so. I'm sure there's a way around it, but I haven't figured it out yet.
And, Dan, I completely agree about the cab situation. Totally ridiculous. Especially late at night when everyone is leaving one bar/club to go to another or to go back to their hotel for the night. The airport system would be better, but @7 has it right... the hotels want to keep you in their casino/bar/club for the night.
I thought what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What went wrong here?
I know. They were pulling that shit at the Amtrak station, too, once upon a time. Maybe they still are. Three-hundred and fifty people arriving back from Vancouver needing a cab at once.
In the short term, it's irritating. In the long run, I dunno. I guess you could be grateful you have cab fare? So many people don't.
Last time I was in Vegas, I talked with one of the douchbags - who was quite nice. It has nothing to do with keep order or whatever, it is an elaborate system of tips between the cabbies and doormen. Your dollar is nothing. However the guy with $75 of tips for everyone does benefit from this order and his money making things happen.
What is really crazy is that these guys opening cab doors make a shit load of money. Like around $100k a year. More than half of that is tips but it was great to having a guy making way more money than me, to open my door.
I agree, the cabs are pretty loud.
Julie @ 13:
It's been about four years since I was last there, but I never had a problem hailing a cab on the street. And it was certainly one Hell of a lot faster than standing in line at the casino, even if I did have to walk the half-block or whatever from the entrance. Still beat standing in those stupid lines.
Also, the bus service (so long as you were sticking to the strip or "downtown", say, up to Fremont St.) was pretty convenient - not to mention loads cheaper.
Back in the day (I'm older than dirt) President Carter warned us about the upcoming "Energy crisis", and asked us to do shit like turn off the lights when we left a room, and not put up garish X-Mas displays with tons of energy-wasting lights.
Fast forward about a thousand years, and we're in another pollution-filled energy crisis, only this time it's full of buzz-words like "Global Warming" and "Carbon Footprint" and shit like that.
Being that my formative years were spent turning off unnecessary lights and seriously asking myself "Is this trip really necessary?", I get the saddest feeling that it's all in vain every time I've been to Vegas. AC cranked to the max everywhere... Acres and acres of neon and flashing lights blazing 24 hours a day. Lines of cabs idling, polluting, wasting gas. Throngs of people needing rides from the airport to the strip and back, every day and night.
All the energy I've probably conserved my entire life, by dutifully turning off lights when I leave a room and by driving a fuel-efficient vehicle is probably only a small fraction of the energy used by one casino in one hour.
Although I do love Vegas, and am looking forward to my next trip.
@19--I was in Vegas this summer and felt similarly overwhelmed by the consumption when I couldn't find any place to recycle my water bottle.
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