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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Magnolia’s Rodent Stud Farm

posted by on January 23 at 14:17 PM

Now I know where to go when I need a Guinea pig or some other rodent for, well, that’s between me and the rodents—which I can acquire from the white van parked parked by the train tracks across from the Boxcar. From Sleepless in Magnolia:

This creep was parked for the majority of saturday down by the train tracks accross from the Boxcar watering hole. Out of sheer curiosity and annoyance I decided to investigate. When I approached the rear of the van (which was open) I saw no less than a dozen small animal wire cages lining the inside of the van, and a potent odor of cigarettes and animal waste. When I asked this man what he was doing, he proudly told me “I’m sellin’ them guineas!!” He proceeded to tell me that he breeds guinea pigs and other rodents in high numbers and sells them around the neighboorhood. There were no license plates, but I immediatley called 911 to report what I’d seen. The officers assured me they would look into it. I am disgusted by what I saw and hope that this neighboorhood does not become some sort of RODENT STUD FARM as a result of this man’s filthy habit and fetish. Has anyone else seen this monster?

Rodent fetishist? Or enterprising small businessman?

Thanks to Slog tipper CJ.

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business man.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | January 23, 2008 2:22 PM

Only your proctologist knows for sure.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | January 23, 2008 2:26 PM

I second "business man". Sleepless in Magnolia sound a lot like what I'd imagine most Magnolia residents think everyone thinks they sound like. Or something.

Posted by Dougsf | January 23, 2008 2:31 PM


Posted by MadDogM13 | January 23, 2008 2:41 PM

That "webpage" is horrifying.

Posted by kid icarus | January 23, 2008 2:56 PM

Yeah, that's what 911 and the police are for. Cracking down on Seattle's cottage industries.

Fucking hand wringing numby.

Posted by Oh! The Rodents! | January 23, 2008 2:57 PM

not to perpetuate an urban legend, which sometimes has some basis in fact*, I might refrain from eating in divey Asian restaurants in that neighborhood for awhile...

*in my youth, I worked in a fantabulous Asian restaurant, (best job ever; all the waitstaff were college kids and we'd hang out and get high after work, but I digress), and one of the Vietnamese employees told me that he personally had cooked housepet enfused meals in previous places he had worked, but not in this particular establishment...maybe he was pulling my leg, but...

Posted by michael strangeways | January 23, 2008 2:58 PM

what you got against the skinny pigs? they need somebody to protect them. Puppy mills are bad and so are rodent mills.

Posted by M | January 23, 2008 3:04 PM

he's not a businessman, he's a business, man. sorry if the first one didn't make sense.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | January 23, 2008 3:25 PM

I think the complainer is a tad confused - hamsters are used in archane, possibly apocryphal sexual fetishes involving duct-tape and anal insertion, while Guinea Pigs are just cute, fuzzy little pets used for no untoward purpose whatsoever.

Posted by COMTE | January 23, 2008 3:39 PM

"Ginger Knuckle" (check her picture)? "Keith Shartpant"? "im waiting for them robbers to come into my house Ill be waiting with my cold hard steel crowbar"? This is not the Magnolia I remember from my youth.

Your last name is SHARTPANT? Like short pant, or shat pant? Seriously?

Posted by Fnarf | January 23, 2008 4:00 PM

So after seeing a man selling something, the writer immediately called 9-1-fucking-1 to report it? "Quick! Someone's doing something I don't like, at first glance and with no analysis! Call the SWAT team!"

No wonder this country can't leave gays alone. The Outrage Industry (and the left and the right are both guilty for fostering this crap) has truly left its mark on America; people actually believe that anything they don't like or don't want or just have never heard of should be illegal, as in, men with guns should come and stop it. Land of the free, my ass.

Posted by torrentprime | January 23, 2008 4:33 PM

Guinea Pigs are frequently raised in homes and eaten in South America. My wife was in Ecuador for almost two years and ate them frequently at the rural people's houses.

Posted by Big_K | January 23, 2008 5:48 PM

Ginger looks quite a lot like one of Betty Bowers' friends from the Landover Baptist Church.

Posted by Wolf | January 23, 2008 6:51 PM

@5, horrifying? it's just a custom http 404 page, rather more interesting that the one for the Slog IMHO.

And who are Ginger and Keith? Boy, the Slog seem to be the kiss of death for web pages, first that republican hit piece on Obama, now this.

Since I didn't see the web page, which might have provided "a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor" I suspect a "Poe" (not the Slog's Mr. Poe)

Still, "no license plates" is suspicious, "Hi little girl, would you like to pet this cute Guinea Pig?, just step into my van"

Posted by Epimetheus | January 23, 2008 9:10 PM

What fetish?

Posted by lauren | January 23, 2008 9:27 PM

It's the fetish of breeding hundreds of animals in filthy conditions. Cat ladies have had it going on forever. Nobody could put a skinny pig up their ass. At least I hope not.

Posted by M | January 23, 2008 9:37 PM

@15 - I meant the content, as expanded on more articulately by 11 & 12. As a previous resident of Magnolia, this NIMBY behavior is immediately reconizable and still makes me shudder.

Posted by kid icarus | January 24, 2008 8:19 AM

I understand Magnolia residents' need to feel secure in their homes, but their site did seem a bit alarmist and out of touch--calling 911 over environmental activist signature-gatherers? Who knocked on the door at 8pm, a time when it would be reasonably safe to assume most people are at home? That doesn't sound like a casing criminal to me.

Although he *was* wearing a hoodie, which as everyone knows is a clear indication of hooliganism.

Posted by Juliet | January 24, 2008 10:41 AM

anthony bourdain told me that guinea pigs are delicious. therefore, i believe that guinea pigs are delicious. they certainly look delicious. cute can still be delicious, right?

Posted by josh bomb | January 24, 2008 1:00 PM

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