2008 John McCain for President
posted by January 30 at 14:36 PMon
I want a Democrat to wake up in the White House on the morning of January 21, 2009, just as much as the next commie pinko faggot. But I was thinking about McCain today, and stressing out about the chance that he might win, and then… well, this fantasy played out in my mind…
John McCain hates George W. Bush—still. He’s gotta, in his heart of hearts, deep down inside, after the supremely dirty way George W. Bush knifed him in South Carolina back in 2000. (Bush surrogates attacked McCain’s daughter, a Bangladeshi orphan McCain adopted with his wife, claiming she was McCain’s interracial love child.) McCain, a victim of torture during his years as a POW in Vietnam, watched helplessly as Bush, Rumsfeld, and Cheney made torture—excuse me, “harsh interrogation techniques”—official U.S. policy. He watched helplessly as Rumsfeld and Bush screw up the war, refusing to put more troops on the ground in Iraq, while that country descended into civil war. And now, five years into the war, he has to watch George W. Bush do a victory dance in the end zone because, hey, his totally genius idea—the surge—is working! Because putting more troops on the ground tamped down the violence—no one could’ve predicted that!
Anyway… so the Dems nominate Hillary, and McCain, with an assist from the worshipful media, scoops up independents and some of the Dems he romanced back in 2000, and with Huckabee as VP manages to pull in the Agents of Intolerance vote. And John McCain is sworn in as our 44th president. His first official act? End torture as official U.S. government policy. His second official act? Give a still Democratic-controlled Congress every goddamn piece of paper it wants. Welcome every subpoena, and throw open the archives of the Bush White House. Torture. Renditions. Domestic spying. Politically-motivated prosecutions. Cronyism.
Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Gonzeles, et al, got away with breaking the law—flagrantly, repeatedly, gleefully—because they bet that the country didn’t have the stomach for another impeachment. And we didn’t. But once the bastards are out of power… gee… maybe the country will have the stomach for a mess of indictments? And trials? And convictions? And long prison terms?
And McCain… a rule-of-law man… an opponent of torture… won’t have to lift a finger. He’ll just have to honor subpoenas and get the hell out of the way. And then he’ll get to see George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld and Alberto Gonzeles and John Yoo all packed off to jail. And when they come crying to him for pardons and commutations, John McCain can put his daughter on the line—his adopted daughter—and let her scream, “Rot in prison and die, you miserable sacks of shit!” into the phone.
It’ll be McCain’s way of making amends to his daughter—and the country—for this: