2008 God’s Standards
posted by January 16 at 9:13 AMon
In case you missed the video, here’s Mike Huckabee pledging to amend the U.S. Constitution to bring it in line with “God’s standards” where the family is concerned:
There’s a lot of interesting stuff in the Bible about family life—when it’s permissible, excuse me, righteous to allow your daughters to be raped, or the correct way to sell your daughters into slavery, or when you’re allowed to kill your children—but Mike isn’t talking about any of that. Not to worry, heterosexuals. None of the crazy-ass crap in the Bible that applies to you will be written into the U.S. Constitution under a Huckabee administration, just the crazy-ass crap that applies to the homos.
When I brought up the fact that fundamentalists ignore plenty of stuff in the bible that applies to them—like a ban on eating lobster—he assured me that Jesus’ blood on the cross he redeemed even lobster. “But not me?” I asked. “No, not homosexuals.”
Rejoice, shellfish! You are redeemed and the followers of Christ can boil you alive and serve you with melted butter and hush puppies! Repent, homosexuals, for the blood of Christ wasn’t powerful enough to redeem you.