At Large 5 Days is 5 Days Too Long in Vegas, and 10 Things I Learned at the Porn Convention
posted by January 14 at 19:30 PMon
I’m back! I had to buy an extra suitcase just to haul all the porn schwag and freebies. When I got home, there was one of those airport inspection slips inside the bag. How I wish I could’ve seen the inspector’s face when he cracked this baby open…
I’m very tired - and feel a bit crazy. Five days is way too long to spend in Las Vegas. For anything or anyone. It hurts your brain. All in all, though, this years’ convention and the AVN Awards - “The Oscars of Porn”- was a frickin’ wild ride. One of the highlights, for me, was meeting a bunch of folks that write for FLESHBOT. What a bunch of super-smart sassy-pants. Their coverage of the AVN is the BEST out there. I love them.
Another (unfortunate) highlight was seeing a glimpse of Jenna Jameson, and not even recognizing her. She officially retired from porn, hopefully just in time to eat a damn sandwich. Jenna is becoming Tara Reid. A stick-thin popsicle stick, with no curves anywhere. It’s sad to see.
(photo from celebslap.com/Dlisted)
Let’s see, what else did I learn… 10 things, and a ton of photos, after the jump.
1. To be a mainstream porn star, you have to have a french manicure. To have a mainstream porn star girlfriend, you have to have a mohawk and/or a goatee.
2. Watching the super-nerds from the CES (Consumer Electronics Show) next door interact with porn is always and forever HILARIOUS.
3. Bathtubs are meant to be used for free booze, photo shoots, and bubble baths with strangers at 6:30 in the morning. That's all I can say about this, okay?
4. Porn stars are athletes. That's also all I can say...
They also, however super-groomed, still get razor burn...
and cellulite, just like the rest of us.
5. There's a new company from Australia called ABBY WINTERS that has natural girls (all-natural bodies, no tanning, and no makeup) that's making lesbian porn. They claim "all real orgasms" in their films. They sound pretty real to me. Their booth at the convention tried to "keep it real" with fake green grass, and porn stars playing chess. Nerd-a-rama. Nerds LOVE Abby Girls.
6. Even with the new Abby Girl movement, and all the cute punk porn chicks...
...fake tits are still everywhere. I know, "duh", but I'm telling you, some you can't believe even when you see them with your very own eyes.
7. There's some serious fetish stuff getting popular. From the guy hanging from the ceiling on "fleshhooks" for 6 hours straight - to the guy who supposedly injected Jack Daniels whiskey into his eyeball - this stuff was freaking me out. And I'm not easily freaked.
8. Clown porn is alive and well. I don't know where it came from, but it's represented every year...
Check out this NSFW video by sharp shootin' photographer Nate "Igor" Smith. I almost went to Circus Circus Casino with them. Dammit. Now I wish I had. Or do I?
9. Kimberly Kane is from Portland Oregon, and I am taller and 100 lbs. heavier than Joanna Angel. These girls are my all-time favorites, along with Belladonna and Sasha Grey (who I met, so piss drunk, I don't really even remember it - damn me!)
10. THE GAYS have (almost) left the building. In past conventions, the gays were everywhere - now it seems they're retreating to San Francisco. The GayVN Awards are now February 16th in California...
That's all I got for now. Watch SLOG for more videos, including a tour of new sex toys with Dan Savage.
PHOTOS by Kelly O (except chess playing Abby Winters girl, by Brandon Ivers).