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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

‘Tis the Season for Candy That Tastes Like Mouthwash

posted by on December 11 at 12:57 PM


I like Jesus just fine (especially in Stephen Mitchell’s hands) but I remain indifferent to Jesus-centric holidays. His Christmas-season “birthday” is an arbitrary crush of commerce, and his Easter “resurrection” is, in its own quiet way, the root of all evil.

Still, both Christmas and Easter are seasons of joy for me, if only because both bring avalanches of candy that tastes like medicine.

At Easter, it’s Spicy and Tangy Jelly Bird Eggs, those multi-colored jelly beans incorporating a variety of old-pharmacy flavors, including mint, cinnamon, licorice, and, my favorite, clove. (Those are the yellow ones.)

At Christmas, it’s holiday Spicettes (the classic wintergreen-and-cinnamon mix) and, as pictured above, Holiday Nougats, available in wintergreen, spearmint, and, my favorite, cinnamon.

Cinnamon Holiday Nougat is nature’s most perfect food. Eating Cinnamon Holiday Nougat is like eating a bunch of Big Red gum, and when you’re done, your breath is wonderfully fresh.

I don’t know where my love of spicy medicinal candy comes from, but it’s deep and true and occasionally feels like pica. Thank you, Jesus, for making it possible.

RSS icon Comments


I find most Christmas candy reminds me of toothpaste, therefore I hate most Christmas candy.

And yet I order Peppermint Mochas with no problem...I'm retarded.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 11, 2007 1:02 PM

Mint. Chocolate.

Nuff said.

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 11, 2007 1:06 PM

Mint chocolates, or mint with chocolate, do not hold the power of the Peppermint Mocha, Will.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 11, 2007 1:08 PM

David Schmader, I love you.

Posted by Coco | December 11, 2007 1:09 PM

You rock! And here I thought I was the only person who liked that kind of crap!

Posted by James | December 11, 2007 1:27 PM

I myself have a deep fondness for candy and beverages that taste like cleaning products. Since there are no more Dairy Queens in the city, I have been unable to enjoy my favorite Spic'n Span (green) or Mr. Clean (orange) flavored Mr. Misty Freezes. I have tried a few toxic colored bubble teas, but it's just not the same.

Posted by Tam | December 11, 2007 1:39 PM

Nougats...hmm according to Webster's, an appropriate pronunciation is "noo-gah". BAD ASS!

Posted by Lake | December 11, 2007 1:48 PM

Cinnamon Holiday Nougat, and Big Red for that matter, both make it impossible to taste or smell anything for two days afterwards. Nasty, nasty.

Posted by Fnarf | December 11, 2007 1:58 PM

@6 - Like every of value in the world, a DQ still resides in Burien.

Posted by Paulus | December 11, 2007 2:02 PM

Fnarf, you mean they make it impossible to smell or taste anything ELSE--and really, why would you want to?

Posted by David Schmader | December 11, 2007 2:03 PM

Quality handmade nougats. How is nougat not handmade? Doesn't it all come from a factory anyway?

As an aside regarding Christmas candy, I heard of someone buying candy canes that were made in China. That just seems really odd to me. I hope Brach's hasn't sold out.

Posted by Impossible Prince | December 11, 2007 2:07 PM

Until bacteria feeds on all the sugar on your teeth and makes your breath smell worse than before.

That said, I love starlight mints and candy canes and cinnamon candy as much as the next person. Quite possibly even more.

Posted by Rose Red | December 11, 2007 2:08 PM

Peppermint Mocha is still using the Power of the Force of Mint and Chocolate.

Mint. It makes chocolate happy.

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 11, 2007 2:26 PM

I hate peppermint. But I dig the mint/chocolate combo.

Posted by Erin | December 11, 2007 2:42 PM

I like gum drop cookies - the ones made with the spice candies and cocoanut.

Posted by MrEdCT | December 11, 2007 3:12 PM

Does it come in douche form?

Posted by Madge-YoursoakingINIT! | December 11, 2007 3:47 PM

David, I dare you to eat five of these and then drink a glass of wine.

Posted by Fnarf | December 11, 2007 4:02 PM

Fnarf, just reading that sentence almost made me throw up. Nicely done.

And may I say that you have a remarkably delicate palate for a man willing to place saliva-soaked quarters in his nostrils?

Posted by David Schmader | December 11, 2007 4:09 PM

Oh, all that sugary shit is nasty. For Christmas, bring on the 25 pound standing rib roast, medium rare, with Yorkshire pudding and brussels sprouts. The only sugar anywhere in the house should be in the Tom 'n Jerry batter (and that's only for the batty old great uncle).

Posted by kk | December 11, 2007 9:45 PM

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