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Friday, December 21, 2007

Seattle, You Fucked Up

posted by on December 21 at 13:02 PM


14th & Pike

After 17 years and six different owners, the vegan Globe Cafe & Bakery will close at the end of the year.

Owner Michael Leaves says he’s tired of dealing with his clientèle. “People are just bitches,” He says. “They’re not willing to wait thirty minutes [for food].”

Leaves says he was married to the Globe’s head chef, who left the restaurant following the break up of their marriage. Because of the loss of his chef, Leaves says the restaurant wasn’t able to keep up with customer demand. “We decided we had to change the menu and the clientèle revolted against us,” he says.

The Globe will now move to Bellingham, but Leaves wouldn’t say when he’d be reopening. “I don’t want Seattle to know where I am,” he says. [The Globe has] been a marvelous thing and it will continue to be. Seattle doesn’t deserve it anymore. Seattle is a wasteland. “

Leaves says an Italian restaurant will be opening in the Globe’s space.

RSS icon Comments


negative nancy

Posted by Cale | December 21, 2007 1:08 PM

Good. See ya. Bye.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 21, 2007 1:09 PM

Ouch. That wounds. Have fun with the yuppies.

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | December 21, 2007 1:10 PM

i thought that just maybe i liked you, but now i know i never really did.

Posted by andy | December 21, 2007 1:10 PM

What a douchebag. Sure, blame the customers that you can't keep your place running.

Posted by tsm | December 21, 2007 1:10 PM

I love Italian food and hate self-righteous hippies, so this works out great.

Posted by The General | December 21, 2007 1:13 PM

good riddance. that place was one of the most awful in the city. my condolences to the good people of bellingham who will have to put up with globe v2.

Posted by kinkos | December 21, 2007 1:14 PM

Yeah, I never went back to that place because the service I had was not just slow but fairly rude as well. Reading his pissy little comments, I now see where the problem lay.

Posted by flamingbanjo | December 21, 2007 1:14 PM

May he die of a terrible and painful illness that lingers for years.

Merry Christmas!

Posted by Just Me | December 21, 2007 1:15 PM

Look to yourself for the blame, not your customers and a whole city.

The biscuits and gravy was pretty darn good though.

Posted by whatevers | December 21, 2007 1:16 PM

Wow, what a perfect candidate for a swift kick in the nuts.

Posted by Hernandez | December 21, 2007 1:18 PM

most people who arent self deluded vegans said the food sucked.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | December 21, 2007 1:19 PM

Yeah, what 1-11 said.

Posted by lostboy | December 21, 2007 1:20 PM

8 dollars for rock hard pancakes and coffee.

Nuff said.

I did like the biscuits and gravy though.

Posted by Flo | December 21, 2007 1:21 PM

Wow. What a dick.

Posted by joey | December 21, 2007 1:21 PM

Hm... seriously, in what city are people (on average) willing to wait 30 minutes for dinner? I guess once in a while I order something special that needs 20 minutes, but in that case it's mentioned on the menu that it takes a while to prepare. And why the hell would vegan food take a particularly long time to make?

Posted by Uncle Vinny | December 21, 2007 1:22 PM

i've lived within a half mile of this place for 12 years and never had the desire to go in once...

Posted by joey | December 21, 2007 1:23 PM

despite the shitty attitude from the staff, the wrong orders, and yes, the LONG wait, i still keep going back cos i love the food. and i'm not veggie/vegan. having read michael's comments he can just fuck off.

Posted by bollocks | December 21, 2007 1:25 PM

A lot of people went to the Globe on their lunch breaks. 30 minutes is too long to wait for the food. You should be well into the meal or finishing at 30 minutes.

Posted by Chalupa | December 21, 2007 1:27 PM

Can we go trash his place before he leaves? I have this crazy urge to throw a brick through his window.

Bonus points if I hit him in the FACE!

Posted by Mr. Poeish | December 21, 2007 1:28 PM

Bitter much?

Posted by Michigan Matt | December 21, 2007 1:29 PM

Don't worry. He'll fail in Bellingham, too.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 21, 2007 1:31 PM

"Seattle is a wasteland," huh? Who do you think you are? You are my staff, and I will fire you. Wait, you quit? How dare you! I am NOT spoiled. NOT NOTNOTNOT!

Posted by Seattle | December 21, 2007 1:31 PM

Sorry guy, your food was just bad. It was bad last time i went 12 years ago, and by all accounts, that was as good as it got.

You can do vegan, or vegi, or even fucking RAW food very well, but the Globe didn't.

Posted by Dougsf | December 21, 2007 1:32 PM

Was his ex-wife working for free? That might explain why she divorced his skanky ass. Why else couldn't he hire a replacement cook? Because he's cheap, because he's a control freak, or because he's a major-league asshole?

Posted by Fnarf | December 21, 2007 1:41 PM

Wow. I've been pretty bummed out about the Globe closing but that that just...well, let's just say I don't feel bad about it anymore. What kind of business person can't handle maintaining their business after the chef leaves? How hard is it to find another one? I'm not going to knock the food there, but it just doesn't have that complicated of a menu or such an incredibly personal touch that truly only one person could have maintained it. Too bad the guy didn't just sell the business if he hated it, and his customers, so much.

The refusal to tell the whole of Seattle where his restaurant in Bellingham will be is a nice (paranoid) touch, though.

Posted by genevieve | December 21, 2007 1:42 PM

I totally loved the Globe. It was one of the first places that made me want to move to this city the first time I visited. I've gone back every once in a while over the past several years, and it has never disappointed (perhaps I just ordered the right things? good luck? who knows?). It hurts to learn that I have been supporting a spoiled psycho with my money.

I was sad when I heard the Globe was closing, but now I'm just sad this guy has to live with himself.

Posted by Levislade | December 21, 2007 1:44 PM

I've never waited a halfhour for my food at the globe, an hour yes but a halfhour...we could be so lucky.

Posted by Jbin | December 21, 2007 1:44 PM

Hippies just so-often suck. They suck as business owners and suck as clientele. And Bellingham isn't the hippie haven Michael remembers it being.

Sad though, the original Globe, and the second generation of it when Robyn owned it, were pretty great.

Posted by Frank | December 21, 2007 1:47 PM

wow. I jumped on the hate bandwagon once before already, but can't help feeling a bit more schadenfreude here. Michael dug his own grave, knows it somewhere in his alcohol-addled brain, and won't tell anybody where the Globe is reopening because *it isn't going to happen*. I promise to drop a quarter in his cup 10 years down the line... it's the least I can do.

Posted by steven | December 21, 2007 1:48 PM

Well I think he's completely right and everyone is just being defensive. Seattle used to deserve The Globe but now we suck and we've made our city a wasteland. We've become spoiled and demanding, and I for one am ashamed. Since I'm the only one who sees what bad people we are, I'm the only one who can offer apologies to Michael Leaves. I'm sorry.

I'm going to start visiting Bellingham so the people there can remind me what it means to be human. Maybe I can take some of what they give me and bring it back to Seattle.

Posted by elenchos | December 21, 2007 1:49 PM

Michael, you drunk, lecherous, little bitch. I've never once gone inside the Globe and yet I hate you as much as any of these people who've had the misfortune of being subjected to you inside of it. They shouldn't open a new restaurant at that location. They should tear down the building and salt the earth on which it stood.

I used to have to wait on you in one of the retail stores that you frequented. Even there, all the staff thought you were an asshole. The way you would stumble in, hair all sticking up and out of place. Speech slurring and hitting on boys half your age. The way that you called (literally screaming) the staff assholes if you didn't get your way. Even though you spent a lot of money, we still threw you out and banned you from the premises. We watched your decent from simple prick to full-fledge addict/drunkard. You did nothing but embarrass yourself time and time again.

Seattle is all the better for having you away from it, you fucking piece of shit.

Posted by JC | December 21, 2007 1:49 PM

The Globe went downhill the day they removed Speakeasy's RAIN terminals.

Posted by stinkbug | December 21, 2007 1:51 PM


Or you could just stay there. Juuuust a thought.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 21, 2007 1:52 PM

@32 "Speech slurring and hitting on boys half your age. "

He was married...IDGI...

Posted by Lake | December 21, 2007 1:55 PM

I really want that new table made out of a single piece of timber. Say if the owner is listening - can you push it outside with a free sign on it? Yeahhhhh that's real nice.

Posted by 3rd floor | December 21, 2007 1:56 PM

I loved the Globe when I lived on the hill and went there all the time. Now where will I eat breakfast when I vist? This is a tragedy. All of Seattle should go an apologize personally. Michael is a good guy once you play frisbee in the park with one of his blueberry bluecorn pancakes.

Posted by A new yorker now | December 21, 2007 1:58 PM

I loved the Globe when I lived on the hill and went there all the time. Now where will I eat breakfast when I vist? This is a tragedy. All of Seattle should go an apologize personally. Michael is a good guy once you play frisbee in the park with one of his blueberry bluecorn pancakes.

Posted by A new yorker now | December 21, 2007 1:58 PM

Proof of why a huge number of restaurants never make it a year.

Posted by crk on bellevue ave | December 21, 2007 2:03 PM


Now I'll need to rummage around the base of my toilet for hair food.

Posted by brandon | December 21, 2007 2:05 PM

Bellingham doesn't need me, Poe. Seattle needs me. Maybe I can begin the spread a small spark of decency in this wretched city. Maybe the children of the future will look back and remember me as the one to started it all. Well, Michael Leaves too. But mostly they'll remember me. I bet I'll get a statue. I'll adored in the hearts of thousands, millions, down through the generations.

Posted by elenchos | December 21, 2007 2:08 PM


So he was married? And yet I saw him hit on boys not old enough to drink.

Posted by JC | December 21, 2007 2:09 PM

Awesome. What I love is that in Bellingham, he'll find a small group of holier-than-thou hippies who can't get a single thing done, a ton of asshole little college students who demand the world on a platter and even more rich, retired yuppies who will treat him like the dirt on his food.

deserves it.

Posted by Charlie | December 21, 2007 2:16 PM

42, kind of sheds new light on the divorce angle...

Posted by w7ngman | December 21, 2007 2:17 PM

Merry Diss-mass, Globe!

Posted by ha! | December 21, 2007 2:18 PM


Well I just got off the phone with Michael Leaves, and he said you're a little bitch. What do you make of that? I'm not joking. He just fucking said that.

Now go kick his ass and stop acting like you have something to prove here.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 21, 2007 2:21 PM

I would just add that I don't think Bellingham deserves this asshole.

Posted by Tlazolteotl | December 21, 2007 2:24 PM

When I prove how humble I am by turning down the statue they will want to put up in my honor, that will prove all I need to prove.

How come every time you just, you know, say how the whole city sucks and you're better than everyone, they accuse you of being drunk? I mean like every time, you know? And who doesn't have a drink every now and then, right?

Posted by elenchos | December 21, 2007 2:27 PM

Leaves is really fucked up. Anyone who's been to the globe over the course of the last 7 years and seen him get in fights with staff or clients can attest to that. He could have sold the Globe to someone with less anger and hatred and saved it, but instead he's taken it down with him.

Posted by wf | December 21, 2007 2:28 PM

Wow, you should fit right into the Fairhaven neighborhood with that kind of "laid back attitude"...

Posted by COMTE | December 21, 2007 2:28 PM

Fuckin' love it! Local proprietor goes out of business with a parting shot.

"The public sucks!"

He's my hero today.

Posted by Nice | December 21, 2007 2:32 PM

he's partially right, though: people ARE bitches.

Posted by max solomon | December 21, 2007 2:38 PM

I'd call him an ass, but the ass is a highly useful and necessary part of the human body.

What an anal wart.

A thirty minute wait, in a small restaurant that serves vegan DINER food IS fucking ridiculous.

Posted by michael strangeways | December 21, 2007 2:42 PM

Anyone who has worked in retail, customer service, or food service knows how much the public sucks. However, you just have to suck it up and respond with a shit-eating grin on your face -- assuming that you want to be successful, which apparently this guy did not.

Posted by keshmeshi | December 21, 2007 2:43 PM

Ha ha! I'm forwarding this shit to all my friends in B'ham telling them to boycott this bitchy fuck's establishment.

Posted by seattle98104 | December 21, 2007 2:44 PM


Well said. And I'm still marveling at the amount of time it took him to fire off his shitcannon. Waaaaah!

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 21, 2007 2:46 PM

When it comes to Capitol Hill and vegetarian, as long as the Teapot is around, I'm fine.

Posted by cressona | December 21, 2007 2:48 PM

@58 - or In the Bowl. Mmmmmmm . . .

Posted by Levislade | December 21, 2007 2:51 PM

Um, meant @57 of course.

Posted by Levislade | December 21, 2007 2:52 PM

Woooo! A vegan place is replaced with meat and cheese! Italian food is way better than vegan.

Posted by Gitai | December 21, 2007 2:53 PM

At least he didn't blame his closure on the smoking ban.

Posted by Samson | December 21, 2007 3:02 PM

@50 Fairhaven is all yuppified now, maybe a little more hippy-ish than the hill, but much older and richer, will they put up with poor service? i doubt it

Posted by vooodooo84 | December 21, 2007 3:03 PM
Posted by bob | December 21, 2007 3:15 PM

It's unfortunate that Michael, who is a raging alcoholic crack smoker (yes it's true) feels the need to place blame on the general public. His frequent suicidal threats are cries for attention because no one likes him. Why? Because he is a horrible human being. Sorry Michael, but you are. Next time don't call my friends and try to lure them into bed because you'll kill yourself if they don't come over. I'm so relieved you will be far away from us.

Posted by Renderme | December 21, 2007 3:24 PM

Some of these posts (ie @64)sound like I, Anonymous letters.

Posted by Samson | December 21, 2007 3:38 PM

This is my favorite quote from the Yelp page:

The owner actually comes by my table and asks me how my breakfast is "apart from the hatred?". I kid you not.

HahahaHAHAHahahahahahahHAH! Makes me a little homesick.

Posted by har | December 21, 2007 4:02 PM

and nobody gives a shit!

Posted by jameyb | December 21, 2007 4:38 PM

Please use something other than tofu in all the dishes. Maybe get a veggan cook book? I'd wait 45 minutes for a well prepared veggan meal.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | December 21, 2007 5:16 PM

Elenchos, what do you consider would be an appropriate height for the statue of you that ought to be built?

Posted by Fnarf | December 21, 2007 6:12 PM

Dear Elenchos,

Please be it noted that your request for a statue in our fine downtown retail district has been duly noted.

As you well know, our city has been contacted by the internation beef concern. Our week ahead is quite busy as we realign our citywide interests in hopes they will erect a beef rendering plant on Upper Capitol Hill. I shall endevour to have our secretaries contact you within a week with the results of your statue status.

Should you have any questions on zoning or any other question, please contact my staff for our wire transfer information.

Good Day,

Dr. Martino Cortez, PhD.

Posted by Dr. Martino Cortez PhD. | December 21, 2007 6:43 PM

god, reading the reviews of this place on yelp is hilarious. some people there are so fucking up the ass of the place mostly because it is one of the only places of its kind.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | December 21, 2007 7:51 PM

@66 Shit, if I'd known there was this much drama going on there on a daily basis, I totally would have gone in and ordered a soda just to watch shit go down.

Posted by Gitai | December 21, 2007 8:05 PM

Dr. Martino Cortez PhD.,

Sir. As your people have no doubt reported to you, the recent gathering at Moe Bar, the Slog Happy, was sadly lacking in men of stature and class. They were drinking beer from the wrong kind of wine glass, and even drinking it from no glass at all. They were ordering "40s" and then picking lint from hand fulls of pennies and nickels to pay for them, typically falling short.

Needless to say, your presence would have significantly raised the social standing, average net worth, and Intelligence Quotient of the room. Please help, on January 10, to save these people from themselves.

Fnarf, I imagine the people will ask for a mighty statue, many feet taller than Lenin even, but again, I must refuse. I must refuse the kind offers of Dr. Martino Cortez PhD. because I'm really that humble.

Thank you all. Thank you.

Posted by elenchos | December 21, 2007 8:24 PM


would you accept a holographic representation - it would be "there but not there," have presence but no mass, and could be done ecologically and aesthetically to your humble taste.

Posted by chas Redmond | December 22, 2007 1:07 AM

No, we don't like waiting 30 minutes for food. Hope Bellingham falls for your schtickERRRR likes your mediocre, slow-cooked food.

Posted by Gomez | December 22, 2007 7:33 AM

Well, call me Jesus, but I love Michael. I often liked his food, too. He was quite the wizard back when he was Robin's chef, before he got beat down by this dysfunctional marriage (to a guy, as some of you don't seem to know).
I hope he gets his shit taken care of and can get happy again, and who cares what ya'lls think.

Posted by Sara | December 22, 2007 9:11 AM

Call me lucky perhaps? But I got along with Michael from day one, and I highly doubt it would be because I was "his type" (which isn't for me to speculate anyway). I just dug hearing Coil or Nurse With Wound while having really good vegan food. (I guess I'm in the minority as well as far as liking the food.) Sure it was loud, but the place was packed all throughout brunch, so The Globe's local clientele are probably not responding to this thread. Michael was always super nice to me.

How he treated his staff, I have no clue. I never remembered seeing fights.

Again, maybe i was very lucky. But I feel a big loss with the Globe gone. Just my two cents.

Posted by mackro mackro | December 22, 2007 10:56 AM

Dear Sir Chos of El,

Though I have had to shuffle an appointment I had with the Prime Minister of France, be it noted that I have "penciled" the suggested date, time and place on my Newton.

I am disappointed, but not surprised, by the poor drinking hygiene expressed by the lower class peons of this city. It should be noted that Sir Allen and I have plans to offer a bar with a wide offering of oak aged Scotch on the next segment of South Lake Union Train. We shall all enjoy a drink traveling through the tears of aging hipsters and displaced artists.

Does this "moe bar" you speak of have wines from the British Colony in the Southern point of Africa? I have taken quite a taste for these sought after wines during a survey for a new golf ball factory.

Posted by Dr. Martino Cortez PhD. | December 22, 2007 11:00 AM

If you have something positive to say about a restaurant, you shouldn't say anything at all.

I am a capricious and vengeful God.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 22, 2007 12:56 PM

I would gladly pay admission to watch Gordon Ramsey bitch him out for an hour or so.

Posted by laterite | December 22, 2007 1:51 PM

I miss the Surrogate Hostess.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 22, 2007 7:00 PM

food was good. owner who screamed in his employees' ears was an ass.

Posted by josh | December 22, 2007 11:19 PM

Thanks for the link to the review site! Hating on the Globe never gets old!

Some highights:

"I'm not sure I've ever been a fan of the food, but I've eaten there many times"
WTF?! Into self-torture?
"There are a few things that I enjoyed and made a habit of ordering them, because most other things were a let down. ... Other than that, the food was mostly bland and inconsistent."

"I'm a big fan of this place, but I no longer eat here.
I recommend it generally, it's a pretty great place especially since the fighting (see previous reviews from various people) has tapered off."

"My food arrives. The grilled vegetables taste beyond burnt, they've gone to the carcinogenic side. The grits are a pool of blandness. The salsa is pitiful. The best thing about the breakfast was the store bought corn tortillas."

I particularly enjoyed the tale of waiting an hour and twenty minutes for their meal.

Posted by K X One | December 23, 2007 2:26 AM

Well, man of these comments seem extreme and do not share my basic appreciation of the Globe. So here is my take. At time Leaves did seem outspoken and perhaps unprofessional. However I never saw him yell at employees. I have NEVER waited a long time for meals. There service was always quick and polite with me. The single pancakes, to me, were not expensive because one pancake more than filled me up. The pancakes were always tender and great tasting. The menu was limited. But it was also very unique. I know of NO WHERE ELSE, in Seattle or other cities where I can get incredible vegan biscuits, a side of fried yams and collards and bottom less coffee for breakfast. The Globe will be missed a lot.

Posted by Jules Durant | December 23, 2007 9:16 AM

This is too bad to hear. I'm an ex Seattle-ite now living in Portland, and the Globe was one of the things I still missed about Seattle and looked forward to when I went back. It's refreshing to hear a business owner being truthful about their reasons for closing rather than the standard, safe, often artificial, 'It's been wonderful, I love everyone, bla bla bla..." I'll always remember those biscuits, gravy, and spicy collard Greens.

Posted by Kamala | December 23, 2007 10:12 AM

You belong in Portland.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 23, 2007 12:13 PM


We remove comments that are off topic, threatening, or commercial in nature, and we do not allow sock-puppetry (impersonating someone else)—or any kind of puppetry, for that matter. We never censor comments based on ideology.

Posted by Brave Republican Warrior | December 23, 2007 12:27 PM

Never went there, won't miss it. Can we talk some more about the wonderful architecture of the Undre Arms Apartments?

Posted by J.R. | December 24, 2007 11:29 AM

I do not believe that the clientele are bitches, but rather the owner is one. I used to go there fairly often and he was always mean when I was ordering. He always seemed to be in a horrible mood. The last time I went there, he was screaming and cussing at his employees and talking about this poor new girl working right in front of her. He kept saying she was "fucking up"! He then proceeded to throw glasses around while screaming and huffing. Yes, i am sure he was right..."people are just bitches" for not waiting for food.

Posted by A.B.H | January 3, 2008 9:40 AM

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