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Friday, December 14, 2007

re: “On the first day of Christmas the liberals gave to me…”

posted by on December 14 at 15:19 PM

Just to prove that conservatives aren’t the only ones inept at singing, please enjoy this Stem Cell Pagent, presented at the lab’s Christmas talent show.

Three warnings:
1. This is nerdiest thing I’ve ever written, by far.

2. It was written by a Jew and performed by two Jews, a Mormon, a Hindu and two practitioners of Shintoism—all secular humanist stem cell researchers. You will go to hell for reading it.

3. The creationist are apparently killing people over stuff like this.

Merry Christmas y’all!

Today is a very special day in our scientific lives. This afternoon we’ll recreate the very first reprogramming of an adult human cell to pluripotentcy.

Our story starts with the first inkling that adult cells could be reprogrammed.

(emphatically) I was cloned.

That you were.
Next came embryonic stem cells.

From the left-over embryos, slated to be bleached, of in vitro fertilization clinics I derive human embryonic stem cells.
(pointing) You are H1. You H7. You H9.

But all was not well. The president disapproved.

President Bush:
As master scientarian and moraltologist, I decidered these stump cells are evil.

And so we come to our story, from the book of Cell and Science, Volumes 131 and 318.
Three wise men—from the distant lands of Japan, Boston and Wisconsin—poured genes into adult cells.

I, Doctor Yamanaka, say we need c-Myc, Klf4, Oct4 and Sox2.

I, doctor Jaenisch, say your selection sucks. Mine is better. Still, an nice idea.

I, doctor Thompson, say c-Myc and Klf4 are unneeded. Nanog and LIN28 work just as well. May the ink dry on my manuscript before the first corrections are published.

(muttering in Japanese) It was my idea first.

And so the human iPS cell was borne unto the world. The multitude proclaimed “peace on earth. Adult and embryonic are reconciled!”

(ESC and iPS meet and shake hands)

ESC and iPS in Unison:
You look familiar.

Let us now sing.

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newfound Thing!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
Embryo and adult reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Skin is reprogrammed in Japan"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newfound Thing!"

iPS highest adored
iPS, funding restored!
Late in time behold Him come
Sprung from no embryo’s gum
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate worker bee
Pleased on MEFS to self-renew
Cardiac differentiation too.
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newfound Thing!"

Hail the heav'n-reprogramming!
Hail the cells autologous!
Light and life to all they bring
Ris'n with healing in their wings
Derived by scraping a thigh
Grown that man no more may die
Grown to raise the sons of earth
Grown to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newfound Thing!"

RSS icon Comments


Where the hell do your Shinto friends find a shrine around here?

Posted by Greg | December 14, 2007 3:39 PM

Golob isn't hip enough to Temple with Issur.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 14, 2007 3:40 PM

That was fun. Do it again! Again! Again!

May your PCR be bountiful and your telomeres not shorten!

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 14, 2007 4:19 PM

Does this mean you're going to clone me hot babes?

(BTW, the Pedialite advice was the best I've gotten in a long time.)

Posted by Joh | December 14, 2007 5:17 PM

Well, sure, but first you have to give me a pound of flesh from your stomach. Let me get my knife and scales ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 14, 2007 5:43 PM



Please be my friend.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | December 15, 2007 11:10 AM

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