I assumed that everyone capable of designing and constructing a multi-story, multi-million dollar development in Seattle was also capable of saving their design proposal as a .pdf document. I was wrong, apparently.

Since the Department of Planning and Development began requesting digital versions of the design proposals for upcoming developments to post online, many developers haven’t provided them. Maybe they don’t want their shitty designs made public for asswipes like me to share with asswipes like you. But they should. We’re good asswipes, and we like pictures. And many of the designs are pretty nice. So, to celebrate and honor the developers and architects who have mastered the “export” and “save as” functions, enjoy this preview of buildings coming up around town.

Most of the designs after the jump are not yet final. So, don’t get your hopes up. Or, alternatively, don’t give up hope.

Click on the intersection headers to see a map of the surrounding blocks.

14th Ave and E Union St

My ex-boyfriend wrote most of his literature thesis in Perkatory, which has since been razed to reveal a wall perfect for graffiti.

Think of it as a welcome note for Piecora's incoming neighbor.

This design is awesome. Her name will be The Chloe. Nice work, Runberg Architecture Group. But are buildings like ships? Always with a woman’s name? How I long for a condo named Steve.

24th Ave NW and NW 58th St

Presiding over a neighborhood haunted by the ghosts of Norwegian fishers, she will be known only by the name Danielle. Behold her 31 units of for-sale splendor.

Danielle by day.

Danielle by night.

Queen Anne Ave N and W Howe St

I’m really, really trying to like this. So hard.

The folks at DDG Architects will turn three lots into one four-story medical office building with a single residential unit cradled inside.

There’s a public design review meeting Wednesday. But, if you go, don’t be like these people. I hate these people.

Walking into the Safeway on upper Queen Anne one morning this week, Deonne Lamb ran across a neighborhood acquaintance leaving the store.

"Hi."

"Hi."

A small gesture, but it exemplified why Lamb, 41, isn't happy about the new buildings in the neighborhood -- such as the four-story apartment building going up across from the supermarket.

Lamb's friend, who is 39 and has lived in the neighborhood for 10 years, worries about the neighborhood losing its small town feel. "I don't think I'll feel like I know everybody in the neighborhood," she said.

26th Ave and E Cherry St

Adding credence to my theory that developers should be barred from penning promotional copy, the Great Northern Land Company introduces their design proposal for nine live/work units like this:

“Located in the heart of the Central District this development will strive to augment the urban renewal burgeoning along the Cherry Str. Corridor, not only in its physical presence but also in providing an opportunity for an emotional connection between its occupants and the neighborhood."

Oh, Jesus, God. Make these fucking hippies stop. An emotional connection to the crack dealers across the way? Fuck.

Okay, all better now. Lovely units, they are. Live-work units they’re called. You live there. You work there. You never leave there.

And, hey, if you live in an enchanted sweatshop like one of these, Jonah might still want to talk to you. Jonah, can you save these people?

Rainier Ave S and S Willow St

In case troops returning to Seattle are pining for that back-in-the-barracks feeling, this proposal will deliver. Here is one of three townhouse designs, each soul-crushing in its own special way.

I’m all for property rights and affordable housing--this will create 32 units with attached garages--so bid farewell to the equally dismal scene it will replace.

Second Ave and Virginia St

If this parking lot is developed next week it won’t be soon enough.

Two almost identical buildings, 38 and 39 stories, from the Justen Company will make up the luxurious 2nd and Virginia Towers and fill the site with hundreds of units I will never be able to afford.

Stewart St and Minor Ave

Let’s give a shout out to the mad fools at Collins Woerman.

If you’ve ever left the Re-Bar stumbling – and really, is there any other way to leave the Re-Bar? – wouldn’t it be great to only have to stumble across the parking lot to get home? Residents of the 400’ Stewart | Minor | Tower (with the lines just like that) will enjoy that greatness.

The translucent purple thing on the left is 1200 Stewart.