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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Inside Santa Lane

posted by on December 18 at 10:26 AM

Someone hired to work Nordstrom’s pictures-with-Santa franchise is keeping a diary—yes, it’s been done. And, yes, linking to it might get this elf in trouble. But the elf is blogging about her experiences, and the blog is out there for all to read. So I’m gonna link. Some sample entries…

FRIDAY: One of two twin boys with a cleft palate peed on Talks-Too-Much Santa’s lap….

SUNDAY: A mother complained about waiting 3 hrs in line—I tried to show her my “department store smile” and reminded her, kindly, that it was SUNDAY, the worst day to bring your child to see Santa—dumbass. A 4 yr old girl, waiting to sit on Santa’s lap, gave me the up/down look then asked if I was a girl. I said yes, then showed her my gigantic boobs (not really—my boobs are quite small)….

MONDAY: Mrs. Claus took my job passing out candy canes in Santa’s warm “workshop” so I got stuck in the cold outdoors directing angry parents waiting in line. Mrs. Claus and I are no longer friends. Eddie Elf was having his “man period” and bitching about how no one was doing their jobs properly and he was having to do “everything”… little bitch….

TUESDAY: Super cute little girl around 2 yrs old came in with her big sister. She was showing everyone in the room her new cream colored silk dress, blue eyed, blonde kid. She sees Santa and decides she wants nothing to do with him—not going to sit on his lap—so the photographer puts out a tiny, tiny chair to see if she wants to sit in it, she likes chair. Her dad makes the mistake of putting the chair too close to Santa and the girl FREAKS OUT! Her fight/flight instinct kicks in and instead of running away like all of the other little kids she gets super pissed. She tried to pick up the little chair in a fit of rage but was too small and then she turned on Santa. She made for his face with her hands like claws and managed to only get as close as his beard, which she tried to rip off. Her parents came running over and that was the end of their session.

MONDAY: Manager asked me why I didn’t show up to work on Sunday… awkward. Got into trouble for bringing my knitting to work (I need something to do when nothing is going on and Eddie Elf is not there telling weird-ass thespian stories). Elves knit, right? Super cute 7 yr old baby dyke came in with little sister. How do I know she is a baby dyke? She was wearing a dress shirt, tie and blazer. Very cute, her mom says she has her own style—yeah mom, it’s called gay.

I don’t think David Sedaris has anything to worry about, but ElfDiaries makes for entertaining reading—and the anonymous Nordstrom diarist spotted me & mine when we came in for our annual Santa photo op. ElfDiaries is here.

RSS icon Comments

1

Ummm.

Do the elves get hazard pay?

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 18, 2007 10:29 AM
2

This reminds me of the waitress who blogged about Sharkansky's tipping. This employee will likely also be (deservedly) fired.

Posted by asdf | December 18, 2007 10:32 AM
3
Then Talks-To-Much Santa asked everybody in the room if we all know who Dan Savage is with Dan Savage sitting right there - maybe Dan, his partner and their kid just wanted to be left alone today - good going Santa. Heard about one Santa quitting because he couldn't take the pressure - too bad because he was our 'big' Santa and was more realistic looking. Grumpy Santa smiled yet still gives me funny looks when little kids come in with names like Cashmere, Ireland and Kippa.
Posted by Mr. Poe | December 18, 2007 10:33 AM
4

I got to witness Nordy's Santa experience for first time in life this year. It was very Christmas Story. One elf is particularly realistic. I hope it is her that is writing this.

Special message to the Nordstrom photog -- little babies could give a shit about you shaking a rattle etc. Snap the picture. Snap it quick.

Posted by Jseattle | December 18, 2007 10:37 AM
5

@ 2, that may happen just because it is a blog, but the parallel with Sharkansky ends there because, except for Dan Savage, she's not commenting on the more famous patrons.

Question for Dan - your son still likes Santa?

Posted by Matt from Denver | December 18, 2007 10:37 AM
6

And yes, they will probably be fired. And we'll read about it. And I'll blame Dan.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 18, 2007 10:38 AM
7

Parents who name their kids "Kippa" or "Cashmere" should have those kids taken away by DSHS.

Posted by Greg | December 18, 2007 10:39 AM
8

the TUESDAY entry in that elfblog made my day.

Posted by mackro mackro | December 18, 2007 10:40 AM
9

10 years old is a little old to be seeing Santa..

Posted by dontcha think? | December 18, 2007 10:40 AM
10

The world should know how shitty that job is :(

Posted by Katelyn | December 18, 2007 10:44 AM
11

Lesbian elves give me a boner.

Posted by Greg | December 18, 2007 10:50 AM
12

Hey asdf...FUCK YOU!

Posted by waitress | December 18, 2007 10:54 AM
13

Ten is not too old to be seeing Santa. It's probably too old to believe in the fat, old, white man who travels the entire planet bringing gifts to good little girls and boys all in one night, but just going to see Santa Clause, get a picture to send to family or to put up on the mantle....

Then again, I don't believe there's really an age when you must stop trick or treating... it's when you want to stop that you should stop. If that happens at 11 or at 21, whatever. *shrug*

Posted by Phelix | December 18, 2007 10:56 AM
14
Heard about one Santa quitting because he couldn't take the pressure - too bad because he was our 'big' Santa and was more realistic looking.

Plenty of other cultures have skinny Santas. My great uncle played Santa when my mom was a kid and he was a ballet dancer. So, whatever.

Posted by keshmeshi | December 18, 2007 11:01 AM
15

I can't remember: what's the difference between an elf and dwarf?

Posted by Garreth | December 18, 2007 11:06 AM
16

Wow, dealing with pissy parents from the eastside waiting in line for hours. Anyone working there should be getting paid with grain alcohol.

Posted by wisepunk | December 18, 2007 11:14 AM
17

LOL @15 U'll take your question as a serious one.

Here's my short answer:

Watch the first lord of the rings movie. Skip to the part where they are all sitting in a circle staring at the one ring. You got yer dwarves, hobbits, humans and elves all right there for comparison. ;)

Posted by Toby | December 18, 2007 11:16 AM
18

@5 & @9, Something tells me the annual Savage Family photo with Santa was not the KID's idea...

Posted by Irena | December 18, 2007 11:44 AM
19

Good for you going to see Santa early in the month, Dan. I work across the street and see the line grow daily. By this week the poor little kids stand for HOURS in the cold and wet to tell Santa their secrets. When they are finished they come to my restraunt for a late lunch and melt down time. I soooo miss my business lunchers. They know to stay out of the local restraunts untill after the holidays.

Posted by muggims | December 18, 2007 12:05 PM
20

Should I stop walking by Nordstroms and yelling "Santa is a fraud" at the top of my lungs and watch the children cry?

Just wondering..

Posted by Just Me | December 18, 2007 12:50 PM
21

Merely linking something that is already on the internet is one thing, but outing where she works is another. She seems to make an effort not to mention the name of the store.

Posted by mm | December 18, 2007 1:00 PM
22

Oh good Lord who are these people that do that Santa pics thing? My family did all sorts of typical crappy Sears family portraits, took me on the Matterhorn ride when I was 4 years old, but even they knew that the Santa thing was completely bizarre and uncalled for.

Why must you people terrorize your children in such a way?

Posted by Dougsf | December 18, 2007 1:07 PM
23

Is she fired yet?

Posted by Carollani | December 18, 2007 1:08 PM
24

How'd you find this Dan? Were you self googling?

Posted by PdxRitchie | December 18, 2007 1:23 PM
25

Where the fuck is Sienna Madrid? That'd be a perfect job for Our Own Worst Enemy (tm). Make her be a Santa-Picture-Elf for a day...

and p.s. I'll go stand in line if she shows me *her* boobs.

Posted by Dr_Awesome | December 18, 2007 1:41 PM
26

@24

I bet he was. He sits back in his chair, cracks his knuckles, does a webcrawl, and like Ben Affleck in South Park, says "ha, that's me!".

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 18, 2007 1:42 PM
27

My mom took my brother and me to get our pictures taken with Santa for about six years. There was this guy who did it every year... one year, though, he wasn't there... turns out he was a serial child molester and had just been sent to prison.

Posted by Greg | December 18, 2007 1:46 PM
28

But did he get you what you wanted for Christmas?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 18, 2007 2:07 PM
29

While the Nordstrom Santaland is lovely, I recommend the Macy's santa - it's a bit low-rent in comparison, but you go and sign up for a time, then come back during your 20 minute window. You can shop, have lunch, whatever and only have to stand in line for about 10-20 minutes. MUCH better than standing outside for three hours with crabby kids in their dress-up clothes, believe me.

Posted by h2ogirl | December 18, 2007 3:17 PM
30

We just finished our work Christmas party, involving dry tortellini, chicken satay (wtf?), soggy cookies and sparkling unalcoholic beverage. There was even a Santa there, and we could take our photo with him FOR FREE and there was NO LINE. I want every party I attend to end with the host giving me money.

Posted by Katelyn | December 18, 2007 4:11 PM
31

I'm surprised no one before mm @21 brought it up.  Dan is likely the one-and-only member of the public who could identify the store.  What made him think that's kosher?

By naming the store, Dan has not only made the blogger identifiable, but also radically increased the chance of discovery by managers googling the store name to stay alert for possible PR problems.

Posted by lostboy | December 18, 2007 4:38 PM
32

Well, the elfdiaries blog seems to have disappeared.

Posted by kauri | December 19, 2007 2:23 AM
33

Gone but never forgotten. Like the other Christmas Folk Lore that is SANTALAND in all our malls and stores this time of year, elfdiaries could have been and briefly was the Folk Lore of 2007 and Santa in Seattle.

Also not cool that Dan outed the blog as being Nordstrom since the writer was taking efforts to make sure in keeping it strictly incognito.
Oh well. It could have been a few more weeks of laghter but now it will be silence and chatter about the crocodile closing which is so wrong on so many levels.

Posted by B | December 19, 2007 5:00 AM
34

I posted on her blog, (so did Mr. Poe) that it was not a good idea for her to be blogging about her work. Luckily she took the advice to heart and deleted her blog.
I hope she is still employed and there will be no residual damage.
It just doesn't pay to be a service worker

Posted by Waitress | December 19, 2007 10:30 AM
35

No one is all bad, and no one is all good.  Sometimes, good people like Dan do fucked up things.

Dan, outing the store the girl works at was pretty fucked up.  You owe someone an apology and a nice Christmas gift.

Posted by lostboy | December 19, 2007 12:18 PM

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