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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Ellen and The Bush

posted by on December 5 at 14:07 PM

First, let it be noted that Ellen DeGeneres is the awesomest person on the planet. (WAY better than Oprah and twice as out of the closet.) Secondly please to note, I hate her.

Ellen had Jenna Bush on the show today. (I know.) I suspected something really, really weird was going to happen when I heard that she planned to have her on, and…

Well.

And I was there, man, for the whole thing. In front of my TV. And I saw it all go down. Ellen (that wiley dyke!) poked and pestered Jenna to do what she wanted her to do, and what she wanted her to do was get George and Laura on the damn phone. Just call up mom and dad. Say howdy. Live. On, um, Ellen.

And Jenna did it.

Before proceeding, kindly watch the whole damn thing here.

You see? Why Ellen is, like, SO totally awesome, and exactly why I despise her? Of course you do.

Jenna fucking Bush, why, she was cute as a pickle! “They’re going to kill me! ” she kept cutely saying. “I’m going to be in so much trouble!” Darling as a tea cozy! Sweeter n’ pineapple poundcake pie! There’s just no getting around it.

And Laura? CHARMING! “I’m just sitting here with daddy!” And even George? CHARMING! “How’s my little girl doing?”

Did you hear me? CHARMING!

Kill me now.

And Ellen…Jesus fucking Crackers! What a wasted opportunity! She didn’t scream at him, or vilify him, or call him a filthy lying bastard; she didn’t make a peep about Iraq or Iran or scream, “Hey, you fucking professional bigot fascist turd! Your daughter’s sitting here with a big old LESBO, whatcha think about that, daddy? And I think I’ll just reach over here and give her booby a nice squeeze” and start making lewd gestures with her tongue and two fingers or ANYTHING. She just sat there, all nice and smiley and Ellen, completely ignoring the fact that the retard on the other end of the phone RUINED THE WORLD.

Today Ellen DeGeneres brought me the only encounter of any kind with George W. Bush (I stopped calling him “president” ages ago, even in quotes) that did not make every nerve in my body scream “somebody kill it!” and my face snarl up. And I hate her for it.

Indeed, you’re awesome Ellen. But I hate you.

RSS icon Comments

1

I can't stand her. I'd rather watch poop come out of Dan's ass.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 5, 2007 2:28 PM
2

that was the funniest thing i've heard all week.

Posted by adrian | December 5, 2007 2:30 PM
3

besides all that Ellen is scabing on the writers strike.

Posted by Heather | December 5, 2007 2:40 PM
4

Sounds like she's jumped the shark for sure if she's having Jenna Bush on as a guest.

Posted by Darrell | December 5, 2007 2:42 PM
5

Was never an Ellen fan, and while I can respect she wants to make bank on having the likes of Jenna Bush with her cutesy phone call on her program, the fact that she does so just makes her more foul in my department.

Posted by Dave Coffman | December 5, 2007 2:49 PM
6

First she loses a dog, then she brings one on the show ... what's next?

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 5, 2007 3:22 PM
7

After Ellen crossed the picket lines, I lost respect for her. This just serves to reinforce that.

Posted by bma | December 5, 2007 3:37 PM
8

yeah yeah, crossing the picket line is low, but come on, that was adorable. even i'm not that cynical. not everything event must be construed ideologically.

Posted by Ryno | December 5, 2007 3:54 PM
9

I do love me some Ellen. But I'm kinda with you on this one, Adrian.

Posted by als | December 5, 2007 4:23 PM
10

WEIRD

Jenna is like one of those visual illusion things.

If you look at her, she looks JUST LIKE George. Look at her again she looks JUST LIKE Laura.

Posted by Lake | December 5, 2007 4:48 PM
11

You’re daughter’s sitting here with a big old LESBO

So is YOUR daughter. Not you're. Let's try to get it right.

Posted by Wolf | December 5, 2007 4:49 PM
12

Kudos to Ellen for crossing the picket line.

I don't have anything against the writers refusing to work until their contract conditions are met. But the whole idea that everyone else is supposed to withold their work, too, in support of the writers' struggle for justice, is just brain-dead.

Any product as complex as a TV show has a tremendous number of direct inputs, not to mention an incomprehensible number of indirect inputs. It's not the job of one of those inputs to look at the compensation of all the others, and decide whether the grand division of spoils among all of them needs to be tweaked to the advantage of some and disadvantage of others. If each and every input just pushes as hard as it can to get as much as it can, they will all get their marginal products, and that's about as fair as you can get.

Posted by David Wright | December 5, 2007 5:18 PM
13

i'm watching right now, and it's really bizarre. but i like how ellen said "your mom is so nice, your granddad is so nice," and refrained from saying anything about bush.

Posted by kim | December 5, 2007 5:19 PM
14

by "bush," of course, i meant "george w. bush."

Posted by kim | December 5, 2007 5:23 PM
15

What a sad, pathetic bunch you are. Grow up.

Posted by Syllabucks | December 5, 2007 8:00 PM
16

What a bunch of perverts. You people are as sick as Ellen.

Posted by Saltherring | December 5, 2007 8:42 PM
17

What a sad, pathetic bunch you are. Grow up.

QFT.

Posted by cliff | December 5, 2007 8:52 PM
18

I like the fact that Jenna thinks that if it's 4:30 in LA, they're already asleep in Washington, DC. Like it's eight time zones away.

But, even still- I'd totally hit that. (In the biblical sense, of course, Secret Service agents...)

Posted by Big Sven | December 5, 2007 9:41 PM
19

Crickey what a pathetic place this is, It's like the land intelligence forgot.

Posted by Jim | December 5, 2007 10:22 PM
20

@19:
Well said!

Posted by Hal | December 5, 2007 11:36 PM
21

#8: Agreed. That was adorable. I suppose I can take a total of twenty seconds over the course of eight years to see GWB as a dad rather than the monster he is. Merry Christmas!

Posted by Christin | December 6, 2007 7:51 AM
22

Heh, most of y'all are serious delusional. Is there no decency among those who just disagree with the guy? Can you not recognize that as a father he's at least been tolerable and as a husband he's been good. And as a leader at least you know what he's gonna say and do, because he's been saying and doing the same thing since he got there?

Posted by matthew | December 6, 2007 10:02 AM
23

Do SLOG items sometimes get crossposted from rightwingassholes.org or something? Every so often we get flooded by newbie morons who seem to know *nothing* about the SLOG, Seattle, any of the personalities, etc, etc, etc. I first noticed it with the "Dumbledore=gay" thread.

Syllabucks, Saltherring, cliff, Jim, Hal- who the fuck are you people and from under what rock did you crawl?

Posted by Big Sven | December 6, 2007 10:02 AM
24

matthew, with his "traditionally conservative perspective" blog, adds more fuel to my argument.

Posted by Big Sven | December 6, 2007 10:06 AM
25

So much hatred. What will you losers find to hate when Bush is no longer president?

Posted by Catnwell's Pedophile Aide | December 6, 2007 3:01 PM
26

"Catnwell's Pedophile Aide" adds more fuel to my argument.

I can see why these smegma breaths would want to come hang out with us- I mean, with their party at record-setting levels of unpopularity and not one but two failing wars and a policy on Iran completely divorced from reality and sex scandals among their "values" politicians and Democrats now the party of both fiscal responsibility AND rational domestic policy focus it must be AWEFULLLLLY depressing on their sites.

Posted by Big Sven | December 6, 2007 3:36 PM
27

The neocons have destroyed not only the country but the world. Once bush is relieved of duty and a real democrat gets elected we can start working on getting rid of the racist policies the rethugs instituted.

Posted by Rainlillie | December 7, 2007 10:03 AM
28

Well, you may be right about her motive to "get Bush," ...wait..."get some bush?"

But it backfired when the audience in unison sighed awwwwwwwe, because listening to the Bush family was in fact so sweet, and genuine, and Ellen realized that so she went with it, because she's smart. She's not out of control like Rosie. Ellen wants to keep her job.

Posted by chardonnay | December 8, 2007 6:02 PM
29

hey big sven, why are you so easily riled? these are just words, my friend. everyone has a right to free speech, right? I mean why do you think it's okay for you to spew hate speech, but others can't?
out of curiosity, are you a democrat?

peace on earth
good will toward sven

Posted by chardonnay | December 8, 2007 6:15 PM
30

Chardonnay-

Happy holidays to you, too.

Of course I'm a Democrat. This slog is inhabited by 98% Democrats, 1% anarchists/communists, and 1% Republicans with a deep masochist streak. I don't believe I told anyone they "couldn't spew hate speech." But to show up at the SLOG and start making blanket statements about how we're all a "sad, pathetic bunch" and "a bunch of perverts" is the worst sort of rudeness.

That's not engaging in debate, it's just taking a big dump in somebody else's living room and then running away.

Posted by Big Sven | December 9, 2007 6:19 PM
31

My hope is that people like Adrian will be up front as poster children for the Democratic Party in 2008.

Because then there's no way the Republicans can lose.

Here's an accurate paraphrase of this post: "Ellen sucks because she allowed her show to be used to make the Bush family look like normal people, when, in fact, they are all demons from hell."

That may fly with the shitforbrainswackjobleft, but for the overwhelming majority of Americans, it doesn't fly. The overwhelming majority of Americans don't hate people they disagree with, and the overwhelming majority of Americans -- even if they disagree with Bush on almost everything -- recognize that we've been far worse off before.

That is: people outside the shitforbrainswackjobleft have this thing called "perspective."

Posted by pudge | December 11, 2007 1:04 PM
32

pudge-

"the overwhelming majority of Americans... recognize that we've been far worse off before."

Um, what? President Bush currently has the highest disapproval rating- %71%- ever recorded since such things were first measured (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Approval_rating).

You're right that hyperpartisanship in either side of the spectrum is unattractive, but the only reason Bush isn't the worst President ever is because he hasn't actually been proven to have used his power illegal to assure himself a second term, unlike Tricky Dick.

I know a lot of good and smart Republicans. George W. Bush is not one of them.

Posted by Big Sven | December 11, 2007 3:33 PM

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