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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Assignment: Gold Farming for a World of Warcraft Addict

posted by on December 19 at 13:14 PM

This past week I received an email from Joseph, a World of Warcraft addict who wanted me to come over to his apartment, sit down at his desk, and do the dirty work required for his World of Warcraft character, Sarkylnieu, to advance to new levels.

Joseph wanted me to come over for 4-8 hours. I called him up and said, “how about 20 minutes?”

I drove over to Joseph’s apartment yesterday, stood by the entrance, and waited for him to come down and let me in. It was raining outside and I couldn’t tell if I was standing in human pee or cat pee. Something smelled terrible.

Joseph came downstairs and opened the door. He seemed like a nice young man. “Hi, uhm Steven,” he said to me, “Man I feel weird about this.” “What?” I asked him. “You know, about you, coming here. The more I’ve been thinking about it…it just seems weird.” “Joseph,” I said to him, “Last week I squeezed dog’s anal glands. This is not weird.”

I walked into Joseph’s apartment and he showed me his two computers. They were the fancy shmancy kind you could buy from Dell if you wanted to shell out a couple grand.

I sat down in a chair and Joseph leaned over me to use the mouse. He breathed heavily on my chest. His breath seemed strained and anxious. “Meet Sarkylnieu,” he said to me.

WoWslogpost.jpg

Sarylnieu is a level-70 troll shaman. It took Joseph a couple years to acquire all his equipment. He has a purple face with horns, decaying toenails and an aura surrounding his butt. You can make him flex, take off his pants, and kill buffalos and tornadoes but you can’t make him hump a tree or other characters (I tried). Unlike the Sims, there is no sex in the World of Warcraft…just grunting.

Next, Joseph taught me how to gold farm. The process didn’t actually involve farming at all. To gold farm, you have to kill a buffalo (or some other animal) and skin it. After you skin it, you gain gold that can be converted into real cash (like the kind actual human beings use). Joseph taught me how to use lightning bolts to kill the buffalo. I tried to shoot one, but it didn’t work. I wasn’t coordinating my keyboard with the action on-screen, and Joseph’s left-handed ergonomic trigger wasn’t helping. Under the game’s image, there was a little box that contained text, and I saw the words ROFL, HAHAAA. Was I being laughed at by other players in China? What was going on? “Oh, those are just people talking about all the gear they want to buy from each other,” Joseph explained.

For every buffalo I skinned, I earned one penny worth of gold. “Yay,” I said to Joseph. It felt good to be finally doing something with my life, you know?

Joseph taught me a lot about the World of Warcraft while I was trying to skin animals. For example, did you know in the US there are more people who gold farm than people who actually farm (like with soil)? And did you know that video game sweatshops have opened in China where adolescents sit by computer screens and gold farm 40 hours a week?

WOWslogpost2.jpg

Joseph told me he doesn’t like the South Park episode where all the characters play World of Warcraft online, live in their basement, grow pimply and fat and poop in bedpans because they’re too lazy to get up. “I only play World of Warcraft in the evening,” he said to me, “and I play it with friends, and I have a purpose every time I play it. I don’t just sit around.”

In the end, I made -10 cents because my character was attacked by a tornado. I’m sorry, Joseph. I will totally pay you back.

Steven Blum
Public Intern

Assignments? PublicIntern@thestranger.com

RSS icon Comments

1

Holy crap. Don't replace me, please. That was awesome.

Posted by Sam M. | December 19, 2007 1:15 PM
2

Joseph told me he doesn’t like the South Park episode where all the characters play World of Warcraft online, live in their basement, grow pimply and fat and poop in bedpans because they’re too lazy to get up. “I only play World of Warcraft in the evening,” he said to me, “and I play it with friends, and I have a purpose every time I play it. I don’t just sit around.”

So you go to work, come home, sit in front of your computer, and do menial tasks in a fictitious world for hours on end while sitting on your ass? You probably don't spray your mom with shit while you're playing, but I wouldn't necessarily compare it to, say, doing charity work, getting exercise, or interacting with real people.

Therefore, "sitting around" seems like the *perfect* way of describing it.

Posted by bma | December 19, 2007 1:22 PM
3

You should probably be reported to People for the Ethical Treatment of Cartoon Animals.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 19, 2007 1:23 PM
4

“I only play World of Warcraft in the evening,” he said to me, “and I play it with friends, and I have a purpose every time I play it. I don’t just sit around.”

This comment absolutely reeks of denial.

Posted by a river in Africa | December 19, 2007 1:39 PM
5

so, which was worse? anal glands, or failing at gold mining? at least you aren't good at world of warcraft. just don't go looking for a job in china.

Posted by infrequent | December 19, 2007 1:46 PM
6

The company should have there be a finite number of buffalo, so that this kind of hunting eventually drives them extinct.

Posted by MHD | December 19, 2007 1:54 PM
7

Do World of Warcraft denizens use all parts of the computer-generated buffalo?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 19, 2007 2:03 PM
8

@6 -

Spell Details
Name Resurrection
Level 22
Rank Rank 2
Cost 60% of Base Mana
Range 30 yds (Medium Range)
Cast Time 10 seconds
Duration Instant
Target Type Resurrectable Corpse
Source Trainer (36 Silver)
Description Brings a dead player back to life with 160 health and 300 mana. Cannot be cast when in combat.

...now a buffalo may not be a "resurrectable corpse", but the concept of "extinction" in a "world" that posits a "target type" of "ressurrectable corpse", it stretches the imagination to believe that your suggestion is "possible".

Posted by dorkus | December 19, 2007 2:08 PM
9

If his guy is a level 70, he can't go any higher (geek check), so what was the point?

Posted by K | December 19, 2007 2:11 PM
10

Are you sure you're not Dan Savage's kid? Striking resemblance.

Posted by Sarina | December 19, 2007 2:11 PM
11

Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the City!

Posted by Comic Book Guy | December 19, 2007 2:13 PM
12

napoleon, you write some funny comments. or, as @9 would put it, "napoleon", you "write" some "funny" "comments" "."

Posted by infrequent | December 19, 2007 2:42 PM
13

8 not 9! "ahhh!"

Posted by infrequent | December 19, 2007 2:43 PM
14

There is no emoticon to express how I feel.

Seriously--what are they doing with all the buffalo skins?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 19, 2007 2:44 PM
15

Harvesting them for...their new condos.

Posted by Mr. Poe | December 19, 2007 2:54 PM
16

Damn yuppies from Azeroth and Montana...

Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 19, 2007 2:58 PM
17

I honestly don't understand the strong desire/need for farming gold/levels/etc.

What's the fun in buying a game, and then turn around and pay someone to play your character, and then hand it back to you at level cap with every rare and shiny drop, and max gold? You didn't earn all that crap, you never explored the game you bought, you never actually done any of the quests. So why play?

(and the fact there are Gold farming sweatshops? creeps me out)

Posted by Shini | December 19, 2007 3:01 PM
18

@9 - no, he needs to save up gold for when he reaches level 80 in the next expansion out this year - runecrafting is an expensive skill to learn.

Too bad he didn't show you how to use bots to scan the Auction House for cheap items to resell to other bots that buy mats for people who then sell the resultant finished product to someone else ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 19, 2007 3:02 PM
19

ohmigoodness!

nerds ARE funny!

(chortle)

Posted by michael strangeways | December 19, 2007 3:02 PM
20

And for what it's worth--you probably woulnd't have been killed by the tornado if you weren't busy trying to hump trees at the time.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 19, 2007 3:22 PM
21

"in the US there are more people who gold farm than people who actually farm"

Uh-huh. Sure there are.

This was WAY weirder and more unsavory than expressing the anal glands.

Posted by Fnarf | December 19, 2007 4:00 PM
22

@20, but he's an intern ... we can't expect him to know that humping trees around dust devils is not a good choice.

He's there to learn.

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 19, 2007 4:07 PM
23

This just gets more awesome every time. Never leave us, Public Intern!

Posted by Gloria | December 19, 2007 4:10 PM
24

@9 & 18:

"After you skin it, you gain gold that can be converted into real cash (like the kind actual human beings use)."

Posted by Ben | December 19, 2007 5:15 PM
25

Yeah yeah, we nerds are hilarious... at least most of us have a sense of humor about ourselves... I thought the South Park was hilarious!

The gold-farmers are creepy and obnoxious... if you're in one of the major city hubs in-game you can be guaranteed some level 1 character named Qwertyuiop or Zxcvbnm will be there telling you to visit www.wowgold.com "The safest and cheapest source for gold." Whatever that means.

I agree, I don't get having someone else play your character... what the hell fun is that? I for one prefer to get fat and poop into bedpans MYSELF, thank you.

Posted by Scythia | December 19, 2007 5:29 PM
26

Just remember to right click on the name and select "SPAM".

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 19, 2007 5:54 PM
27

Public Intern looks like a boy I was desperately in love with once, a million years ago.

If we had both been completely different people, it would have been a match made in in heaven.

Posted by catalina vel-duray | December 19, 2007 6:18 PM
28

@22 Nice catch with the Dust Devil. For a second I was completely wondering what "tornado" he was killed by...
Also, I hate these people. I get made fun of my guild because I'm only level 38 after 5 months while my friends, who also started at 5 months, are level 60. And somehow me telling them I have a life (exercise, work, school) only made them laugh harder.
Sometimes nerds are funny. Sometimes they're also jerks.

Posted by Marty | December 19, 2007 6:20 PM
29

@28:

Want to level up faster while still having a life? Use a "leveling guide".

But, if you actually want to enjoy the game, just take your time. Maybe find a new guild too. ;)

Posted by Toby | December 20, 2007 2:08 PM
30

As a local game artist who works on a competing MMoRPG, I am offended by this post.

Posted by Peter | December 20, 2007 5:47 PM
31

What a load. The dude plays games when most of you jackasses are plopped down in front of a TV watching sitcoms and "reality TV" and you assume he doesn't have a life while you do.

Sounds to me like you came into this with the story already written, Mr. Blum.

Posted by JC | December 28, 2007 9:22 PM

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