This week in the books section, the mighty Tao Lin categorizes the levels of greatness American fiction writers can achieve. The levels: CENTIPEDE IN THE DARKNESS (Noah Cicero), THREE-FOR-A-DOLLAR FEEDER FISH (Steve Almond), $9.98 PETCO GERBIL (Anne Tyler/Carol Shields/Jane Smiley), PONY ON A PONY FARM OF A CHILD OF A BILLIONAIRE (Joy Williams/Mary Robison/Frederick Barthelme/Ann Beattie), USED HONDA CIVIC IN “GREAT” CONDITION (Jonathan Franzen/ Rick Moody/David Foster Wallace), and so on.

An example:

THREE-FOR-A-DOLLAR FEEDER FISH: Steve Almond
Has been reviewed by the New York Times and published books on corporate presses but one of them was a nonfiction book about candy and he fights back publicly when shit-talked by Gawker by first making sure that everyone knows he does not read Gawker and only found out he got shit-talked because someone else told him. Quit his adjunct teaching job because Condoleezza Rice was invited to speak at his college. Has sex once a month with fans he meets through MySpace. Receives up to three e-mails a day from a mix of MFA students at community colleges, Centipedes in the Darkness wanting blurbs, and 14-year-old girls who have lived their entire lives in gated communities. Will not be forgotten easily even after he is dead and his books are out of print because of how easy it is to talk shit about him. Will then be forgotten very easily, completely, and forever a few days after I type this when there’s someone easier to talk shit about.

The whole thing’s here. Lin’s audience review from August—which was a hit—is right here.