Arts Shakespeare’s Best Cunt Joke
posted by on November 12 at 13:48 PM
For Annie…
In Twelth Night the servant Malvolio examines a love letter written, so he’s been told, by his lady. He examines the handwriting and exclaims…
By my life, this is my lady’s hand these be her very C’s, her U’s and her T’s and thus makes she her great P’s. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.
In performance, of course, “and her T’s” comes out “N her T’s,” thus spelling out CUNT—and it is with her cunt that Malvolio’s lady makes her great P’s.
Ah, the classics.
HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
Lying down at OPHELIA's feet
OPHELIA
No, my lord.
HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?
OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?
OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.
HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.
OPHELIA
What is, my lord?
HAMLET
Nothing.
Jeff Greene: All of the women at HBO, they don't want to work with you.
Larry David: Oh, come on. That's ridiculous.
Jeff Greene: They think you're a misogynist.
Larry David: Why, 'cause I called the guy a cunt? So what!
Jeff Greene: 'Cause you called the guy a cunt.
Larry David: Big deal, I call men pricks all the time, men want to work with me.
Jeff Greene: Well, cunt's worse.
Larry David: Cunt's not worse. Pricks and cunts, they're equal. Pricks, cunts, come on. They balance out.
Jeff Greene: No, cunt is worse. Cunt's much heavier.
Larry David: Why? Why is cunt heavier?
Jeff Greene: I never questioned, it just is.
Larry David: That's sexist to me! Come on.
Let it be noted that I didn't call anyone a cunt. I was referring to genitals.
See you next tuesday!
Pretty much my two favorite dirty jokes in Shakespeare. The porter's speech from Macbeth also has some good sex and piss jokes.
At Shakespeare's house in Stratford Upon Avon they have a little visual display set up about Anne Hathaway, Will's nominal wife. The title of this little display? "Country Matters."
I think that the "great P" in that passage refers to pudenda, not to peeing.
And let's not forget that ribald classic from Henry V:
CATHERINE: Comment appelez-vous les pieds et la robe?
TUTOR: De foot, madame, et de cown.
CATHERINE: De foutre et de con? O Seigneur dieu! Ils sont les mots de son mauvais, corruptible, gros, et impudique, et non pour les dames d'honneur d'user.
Yeah, Shakespeare loved his dirty, dirty jokes (which strangely, never seem to get mentioned in high school English classes.)
My 12th grade english teacher made a point of demonstrating that Shakespeare was completely filthy using this very passage. It was definitely a successful way of making the Bard interesting to a bunch of snot-nosed teenagers.
i took a shakespeare course last year and the professor explained that p's in elizabethan script looked like n's, and he interchanged the letters in a half-assed attempt to avoid obscenity. same meaning, i just thought i'd be a know-it-all.
That and Sigourney Beaver's example were both mentioned in Wicked Words for their 'cunt' entry. (hehe, cunt entry):
http://qu.to/3w7
(Amazon link)
It's part of the supporting evidence for their assertion that 'cunt' is/was more taboo than 'fuck' because even Shakespeare only alluded to it.
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