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Friday, November 9, 2007

Real Men Aren’t Afraid to Suck Straws

posted by on November 9 at 15:13 PM

Or, it seems increasingly, cock.

A study released by a sex researcher in the UK is garnering a lot of sexy headlines—like this one:

One Third of US High School Football Players Have Had Sex with Men

Sociologist Dr. Eric Anderson, studying American men who had played football in high school, said that out of 47 men surveyed, 19 had participated in sexual conduct with others of their gender.

Sexual contact was defined to mean behavior specifically meant to sexually excite others, and ranged from kissing to oral sex. The behavior also ranged from threesomes with one woman and two men present, to encounters involving only two men.


Mmm… football.

Anderson’s sample was small—just 47 straight guys, 19 of whom cheerfully admitted to having messed around with another dude—and all the men had moved from being high school football players to college football cheerleaders. Says Anderson on Salon today

“I’m not trying to say that these men are gay in any way, shape or form,” Anderson says. “That isn’t the point of this. The point is to simply make the point that homophobia is reducing at an unbelievably rapid rate, and this is one of the multiple benefits that come with that…

“I wanted to see what would happen when you take men who used to be football players and you put them in a field with the people they used to make fun of, the cheerleaders. And what I found was that they very quickly undo their homophobia, if they had homophobia. They very quickly change their views about women. And one of the things they do, they very quickly undo the ‘one-drop rule’ of sexuality.”

For the last few decades—ever since gay people started coming out and living openly—the “one-drop rule” has been in force. Any man that messed around with another man, even just once, had to be a fag. Period. But women were able to admit to one or two same-sex crushes and a handful of few same-sex experiences—hell, relationships (LUGs?)—without everyone insisting that they had to be closeted lesbians. And increasingly straight men—real straight men, not messed up closet cases—are insisting that they too can have the odd same-sex experience without being gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay. But just as not everyone that has straight sex is straight—I had straight sex, for crying out loud—not everyone that has gay sex is gay.

Back to Anderson:

“When we were in high school, you kissed another man, you were a fag, fag, fag, and that was that. You’d get the crap kicked out of you. That is not the case at all anymore.”

Anderson says studies since the ’50s have shown that men have had sex with each other without identifying as gay. “The primary difference here is that in their peer culture, these behaviors aren’t stigmatized anymore, or are considerably less stigmatized,” he says. “The key here is that it doesn’t threaten their heterosexual identity in the peer culture anymore. They can do this now—which really isn’t anything new—but the difference is their teammates don’t go, ‘Oh, you fucking faggot.’”

Judging from my “Savage Love” mail I’d say there are a lot of folks out there that would go, “Oh, you fucking faggot.” The one drop-rule has weakened, it hasn’t been repealed. Every day brings a letter from someone utterly convinced that a straight-identified husband, boyfriend, drinking buddy, etc., who admitted to a same-sex experience simply must be a closeted fag. But I also get letters every day from straight guys who, like Anderson’s football players, cheerfully admit to a same-sex experience or crush and don’t think of themselves as gay and the least bit conflicted about it.

Seeing as we’re moving into a brave new world when straight men can suck dick once or twice in their lives without having to hang a rainbow windsock on their decks (who do you think is booking all those shemale escorts anyway?), hopefully we won’t be seeing many more “news reports” like this one. WCVB in Boston has a list of “10 Drinks a Man Should Never Order.” Because, you know, today you can suck dick without all your friends thinking you’re a fag—but, dude, order a blended drink, or one with too much garnish, or a Jello shot or a cosmo and everyone’s going think you’re a total homo.

My favorite drinking “don’t” for insecure straight men:

Anything that requires a straw. It’s hard to look coy with a straw, it’s nearly impossible to look macho or hot when using one.

Yeah, everyone is going to think you’re gay if you put that straw in your mouth. But sucking your teammate’s cock during a boy-girl-boy threesome? Nothing gay about that, dude. Party on.

RSS icon Comments


"all the men had moved from being high school football players to college football cheerleaders."

Well, that sorta skews the study, don't you think? Not that there's anything wrong with being a male cheerleader.

Posted by Paul Barwick in SF | November 9, 2007 3:21 PM

Woo! Party on!

Posted by Mr. Poe | November 9, 2007 3:28 PM

I dont get it. How can our team be all hetero, and playing for the other team at the same time? Makes no sense, these guys all love what football is about, scoring in the end zone, tight ends bringing it home, a huddle with the guys to plan our moves against the other guys, a good foul free snap between the legs, that kind of stuff. I think you gayz are reading too much into our fun.

WHOOO COUGS! beat those other teams, beat 'em to a froth!!!

Posted by clueless frat boy | November 9, 2007 3:31 PM

Dan had sex with a girl??? EEWWWW!!! GROSS!!!! (LOL!!)

I never even had the curiosity to try it. It is all meat for this kid; all meat all the time!

Posted by Just Me | November 9, 2007 3:38 PM

No, for real? You can't suck a straw, it's girly, but put that beer bottle, the long-necked, thick, sweating nectar-filled glass dick and just gently sip the foaming flow from it while everyone watches you.

The martini is much less phallic, but 'real men' love beer in bottles. Go figure.

Posted by Kevin Hamm | November 9, 2007 3:41 PM

that is super hot. However, having been in research for over two years, it's a bummer to see that this survey didn't have a more robust sample size. I like the generalization/conclusion this study arrived at, but I'd accept it as truth if it were done better.

Posted by browntown | November 9, 2007 3:48 PM

It's not about the size of the sample, it's about what you do with it.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | November 9, 2007 4:00 PM

clueless frat boy, you do know that by using the word "froth", you've revealed where your tendencies might lie, right? And stop cheering for the Cougs; I've found that UW frat guys exhibit your behavior far more often.

Posted by laterite | November 9, 2007 4:09 PM

one thing i don't understand about gay sex:
i am a straight female. taking it up the ass HURTS. i can never get beyond getting the tip in. how the hell do you do it? and in gay porn, why do the men taking it up the butt always have a flacid penis/

Posted by curious straight girl | November 9, 2007 4:12 PM

No surprise here. Living in Seattle skews the sample, but when I was whoring around in college, I slept with tons of straight identified guys.

Posted by Gitai | November 9, 2007 4:18 PM

for laterite:
I dont get what you're saying, but thats cool: i don't mind the dawgs(though I would, if they are in fact teh gay) Butt you know who I Really hate is the BEAVERS, try reading something into that one, smart guy... all our chicks here are hot for football guys, as it should be.

Posted by clueless frat boy | November 9, 2007 4:29 PM

did circle jerks count? i bet they did.

i thought that was kind of gay, but its not in the same category as taking it up the ass.

i'd put same sex behaviors in this ascending order:

1. circle jerk
2. getting blown
3. kissing a guy
4. fucking a guy in the ass
5. blowing
6. getting fucked in the ass

if any of this happens outside of prison, eventually you cross the gay line. or at least the autogynophilic line.

Posted by max solomon | November 9, 2007 4:30 PM
Discussing sex with a guy is gay. Discussing sex with a woman is straight, even telling a woman "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to suck a cock" is straight. Sports are gay, especially contact sports, unless you're the only guy on both teams, in which case it is straight. Gyms are always gay, because afterwords, in the locker room, you're showering with guys, and that is gay. Watching pornography alone is neutral, like eating a sandwich. It's neither straight nor gay. Watching pornos with one or more other guys in the room, no matter how many other women are also in the room, is gay. Watching porn, even gay porn, with one or more women ONLY is straight.

- King Missile, "Gay/Not Gay"

Posted by tsm | November 9, 2007 4:43 PM

first of all a m-f-m isnt the same as having sex with a man, i mean, you're having sex with another man present but not having sex WITH the man. unless of course you actually do.

secondly drinking a girl drink doesn't make a man gay, but it makes him look wimpy and so unattractive to most straight women. a guy is more likely to drink a girl drink when he's out with his wife or girlfriend if they've been dating for a while but never on a first date and never when out with the guys.

Posted by FredE | November 9, 2007 5:01 PM

Wow, suddenly football seems really sexy.

Straight guys who mess around with other guys aren't gay, but they are very, very hot! I just don't understand why any man wouldn't want to have sex with a guy at least once. Men's bodies are divine...

Okay, I'm biased. But at least try the mechanical equivalent. You won't regret it!

Posted by Irena | November 9, 2007 5:07 PM


you sound like my wife. are you my wife?

Posted by max solomon | November 9, 2007 5:14 PM

You want straight guy sex - make a couple of trips on any sort of seagoing vessel. Especially one with cadets.

James Dean, when questioned about his sexual preferences, asked: "Should I go through life with one arm tied behind my back?"

Well, if he didn't say it - he should have. Maybe Marlon said it.

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | November 9, 2007 5:55 PM

What kind of effete pusillanimous "others" does this guy hang around with? It can seem to others -- when ordering a margarita at the 'wrong' location -- that you are dull, living vicariously through your drink."

People who think my blended margarita ordering ass is dull and or gay can suck my straight white dick.

Posted by no more pseudos | November 9, 2007 6:36 PM

RE: Dan's comment about:

Guy has same-sex sexual experience=gay
Woman does the same=still straight

Reason? Sexism. Women acting like straight men? Arguabley, no problem. Men acting like straight women? Big problem.

The bias against gay men is really a bias against women and femininity.

I will note, however, that many straight women aren't too keen on the LUG thing at all. Men are a-okay with it, generally. And I don't really think it's that common.

Posted by me | November 9, 2007 7:43 PM

curious straight girl @ 9,

Ok, I'll field this one. Being a good bottom takes practice (for most anyway), lots and lots of practice. This means starting out small--one or two fingers--then working your way up. Always use gallons of lube and a high quality condom. Don't forget to breathe! And go S L O W, at least at first. It's best to just leave it in for a minute or two before your guy starts jack-hammerin' away.

Now men have this walnut-shaped do-hickey called a prostate, and anal sex is the best way to stimulate it. I'm a top, so hitting that magic spot the right way is my special job. Hit it right, and your partner will see fireworks--guaranteed. I have no idea if women have a prostate (Sorry, gals!), but I certainly hope so 'cause it makes the whole thing worthwhile.

There are lots of reasons why men are limp while getting it in porn. They may in fact be straight. But delayed gratification seems to be the name of the game in porn, so they almost always hold off to the very end (even though the people watching porn may only need about six minutes if that).

Posted by Original Andrew | November 9, 2007 9:00 PM


You definitely don't need a prostate to see fireworks! Or so I've been told...

Posted by Irena | November 9, 2007 9:45 PM

I want one of these "football players." Preferably furry and bearded. Take me, you brute!

I mean, uh, score! Go team!

Posted by Wolf | November 10, 2007 7:30 AM

What I noticed in the excerpt that you posted was that a threesome was defined as gay activity without any requirement that the guys were involved with each other.

Now, it may be true that the actual study required more contact than indicated in the excerpt, but I would be leery of drawing conclusions about gay football players based on the prevalence of two jocks banging a cheerleader at the same time.

As another poster noted, it is also questionable practice to draw broad conclusions based on a tiny sample size like this.

Posted by Jim | November 10, 2007 10:45 AM

At #23, In a MFM threesome, it's all about whether there's any crossing of swords or balls-to-balls contact. If the balls don't touch, you're straight as an arrow, even if you're turned on by both the other guy and the girl. But if the balls should accidentally graze against each other, for example, then you're a flaming homo. By the way, regarding the wordsleery/wary/weary -- was that a Freudian slip? Haha.

Posted by Bud | November 10, 2007 11:33 AM


No, Max, I'm not your wife. Hope you're taking her advice, though!

Posted by Irena | November 10, 2007 2:22 PM

Yeah, the one-drop rule is utter bullshit. Where is the discussion of bisexuality here?

Why can there never be shades of gray for men?

Some of those married cocksuckers are actually in love with their wives, and have had good sex lives with them at some point. Why is the assumption that they're closeted? Wouldn't the more reasonable first guess about these guys be that they're bi?


Posted by violet_dagrinder | November 11, 2007 7:18 AM

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