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Sunday, November 4, 2007

Little Hoods

posted by on November 4 at 15:17 PM

Vandals destroyed our pumpkins-on-stakes display sometime late last night—and then posted the evidence of their crimes on YouTube. The authorities have been notified.

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Ahhh! They start 'em so young!

Posted by Adam on Alki | November 4, 2007 3:26 PM

Dan, you must demand the death sentence. Anything less and the terrorists will win!!!

Posted by Just Me | November 4, 2007 3:33 PM

What? Srsly? Ferreal? Is this a joke? It's kind of insane if it's true -- that there's some adult running around your neighborhood in the dead of night with an army of Oliver-Twistian child bandits.

Posted by mattymatt | November 4, 2007 3:39 PM


I bet those kids parents are straight.

Posted by YO | November 4, 2007 3:43 PM

See what happens when you go off to commit sodomy at the Davenport in Spokane? All hell breaks loose.

Only closeted Republicans are allowed to have their private butt sex and pumpkins too.

Posted by atlsea | November 4, 2007 3:45 PM

What kind of neighborhood is it that has adults out supervising their small children destroying someone else's property at night?

Posted by Bauhaus | November 4, 2007 3:54 PM

Is this a hate crime or am I reading too much into it?

Posted by Donna The Dead | November 4, 2007 3:57 PM

Um, dunno if I'm imagining things, but I assumed Dan & Co manufactured this as a joke and as a way to get rid of their no-longer-needed pumpkins. Child vandals, really?

Posted by lymerae | November 4, 2007 4:02 PM

Oh wow. Notice how the adult filming it keeps saying to the kids, "no names, don't use our names" to keep them from identifying each other?

Posted by Seriously | November 4, 2007 4:03 PM

some of the posters here are almost beyond gullible

Dan and Co. set this up - yes it is a joke - yes it is shameless self PROMOTING

no it is not a hate crime - is it Strange, of course

Posted by Raphael - voting Della | November 4, 2007 4:07 PM

Funny, I always wondered who it was who destroyed all the pumpkins. Now I know. ;)

My bet is on one of the Sloggers. 'Fess up, now.

Posted by wench | November 4, 2007 4:14 PM

Maybe it was stefan sharkansky and his brood, after another night of undertipping waitresses.

Posted by Phred Meijer | November 4, 2007 4:14 PM

It was probably that creep across the street with the grave! JEALOUS!!!

Posted by Irena | November 4, 2007 4:16 PM

Yes, R, it's all about self-promotion. Because I stand so much to gain from this. Like, um... riches. Untold riches.

Actually, I think it was our neighbors. I recognize one of them. And we'll get 'em back. They have chickens. Maybe I'll wring some necks in the dead of night.

Posted by Dan Savage | November 4, 2007 4:17 PM

Its like a herd of Jawas attacking the pumpkins. Best Star Wars parody ever!

Posted by Drew | November 4, 2007 4:20 PM

And then post a video of yourself choking the chicken?

Posted by Irena | November 4, 2007 4:21 PM


Posted by Dan Savage | November 4, 2007 4:23 PM

You think that was your neighbor? Hmm. That guy's voice sounded way too poor-white-trash to be from your neck of the woods.

Posted by No Names! | November 4, 2007 4:24 PM

Maybe it was the long absent Ecce Homo. That's pretty petty though, if it's not a joke.

Posted by weird | November 4, 2007 4:29 PM

I'll never get that 1:22 back. If those kids weren't such weaklings the video would have been much better. By better I mean shorter.

Posted by Natalie | November 4, 2007 4:36 PM

so sorry Dan - GOD - midnight trashing from neighbor to neighbor

what a hood

perhaps someone who works at the Weekly?

or just a fool or two with kids who likes the true spirit of bad ass Halloween?

lucky they didn't topple your outhouse as well

Posted by Raphael -- go Della | November 4, 2007 4:36 PM

We need to track those vandals down. Maybe we can get Dog Chapman to do it. I understand he has some time on his hands now.

Posted by Paul In SF | November 4, 2007 4:43 PM

Dan - free legal advice, never threaten malice to the neighborhood pets - big time bad stuff in this state

rotting pumpkin does not = killing pet chickens

Posted by Jack | November 4, 2007 4:46 PM

#20 - is 1:22 that much to lose? On the internet?
You remind me of my dad yelling at the microwave, "C'mon, I don't have ALL MINUTE!"

Posted by KELLY O | November 4, 2007 4:47 PM

Dan has an outhouse? Is this in the city or very rural sort of woods, typical NW place?

Posted by JOHN IN SLC | November 4, 2007 4:49 PM

Dan, how did you find out about the evidence on the YouTube?

Posted by zucchi | November 4, 2007 4:50 PM

How did you happen to come across the video on Youtube? It's only tagged with "Savage".

Posted by Lesley | November 4, 2007 4:52 PM

This is yet another reason I'll never move to Seattle--too much gang-related crime. Oh, the horror!


Posted by Michigan Matt | November 4, 2007 4:53 PM

I thought it was funny. And those cute kids probably had no idea why they were there, but they just thought it was fun to bash pumpkins. Curious who the guy taking the video was though.

Posted by GW | November 4, 2007 4:57 PM

C'mon, the guy says "no names," but he films the kid's face clear as day? Oh, and I like the fake accent. =)

Posted by wench | November 4, 2007 4:58 PM

#28 Maybe so, if it was DJ himself with his friends. Otherwise, DJ might get upset. I would, if it was my handiwork's untimely demise.

Posted by zucchi | November 4, 2007 5:00 PM

I think it was SuttonBeresCuller!

Posted by pdl | November 4, 2007 5:14 PM

Obviously, these jack-o-laterns weren't ripe. Traditionally, they should be allowed to rot for a week to add that disgusting squishy distegration factor.

Posted by Zander | November 4, 2007 5:23 PM

Sigh. You can tell by the sound of the roaring jetplane that it is really Capitol Hill. As to whether it is really vandalism, you be the judge.

Posted by jseattle | November 4, 2007 5:30 PM

I received an anonymous email tipping me off.

Posted by Dan Savage | November 4, 2007 5:32 PM

Dan, instead of strangling the chickens how about force feeding them the remains of the pumpkins? Poetic justice at its best.

Posted by RainMan | November 4, 2007 5:37 PM

Of course it is Dan and Co!!! You can hear Dan talking in the background. And we all knew it, we were just playing around in the spirit of the moment. Some of you need to pull the rods out of your asses and have some fun for once on Slog. You are starting to act like a bunch of Republicans.

Posted by Just Me | November 4, 2007 5:44 PM

Actually, it happened while we were out of town. I have receipts to prove that I was in Spokane at the time of the crime.

Posted by Dan Savage | November 4, 2007 5:53 PM

I'm so confused! Are we supposed to be angry?! How should I feel? Should we send hatemail somewhere, Dan?

Perhaps Desperate Housewives will help . . .

Posted by Michigan Matt | November 4, 2007 5:58 PM

See, I told you all this stuff always happens when doing the nasty at some upitty hotel in Spokane while doing the nasty.


Posted by atlsea | November 4, 2007 5:59 PM

strangling the chicken? I always choke mine. Have been doing it that way since I was 13 or so.

Posted by Paul In SF | November 4, 2007 6:05 PM

I'd reuse the stakes... for the chicken. Revenge!

Posted by zucchi | November 4, 2007 6:12 PM

You know, parents really need to learn how to be parents not "best friends". It creeps me out that a parent would take their small children out to vandalize someone else's property. I may have toilet papered a house or two in my day but I was 13, the other kids were 13, and my parents had nothing to do with it. Know why? Because they were parents and real parents don't act like 13 year olds.

Posted by clarity | November 4, 2007 6:27 PM

This reminds me of a story from my wild youth. We drove around town stealing pumpkins to smash and throw at each other until we found "The Great Pumpkin." Easily 100 lbs and about three feet across. We loaded it into the back of my tiny pickup and went out to some deserted area to demolish it. We decided that the best way to kill it was to run it over, not realizing the damage a 100 lb pumpkin (solid, not carved) would do to the bumper of a rust pick up.

Well, you can probably guess the rest. The Great Pumpkin got the last laugh on that one...

Posted by Mike in MO | November 4, 2007 6:29 PM

Wasn't Smashing Pumpkins the name of a band from the early '90s?

Posted by Just saying | November 4, 2007 6:37 PM

Assuming this is for real--doesn't something like this make you feel violated somehow? I mean, they're on your property messing with your stuff.

I'd be out for BLOOD.

Posted by Wolf | November 4, 2007 6:49 PM

Yeah, maybe whomever did that thought it was funny, but. . . I wouldn't take it that way, if it were my yard. Not with an adult involved.

Maybe that makes me a giant douche, dunno.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | November 4, 2007 7:27 PM

To the point raised @ 43, I wonder if the parent involved here is also one of those Capitol Hill "conscientious modern parents" who can't bear to tell their kid 'no' when passing by Red Balloon.

Posted by Explorer | November 4, 2007 7:51 PM

If it's just a neighborly prank, all well and good, but Dan, the fact is that posting identifying photos of your home opens you to pranksterism and worse from star stalkers or those in strong disagreement with your views. Just sayin' be careful, y'know?

Posted by Ivan Cockrum | November 4, 2007 8:10 PM

I like to sneak around my neighborhood in the night when all the Christmas decorations are put out. My target: those electric reindeer. I always position them so once reindeer is humping the others.

It's all in good fun and yes, it's sad, but dammit, it's tradition.

Posted by santa claus | November 4, 2007 8:29 PM

I'm moving to Seattle soon from North Carolina and I had planned to move to Capitol Hill, but these roving child gangs sound like a serious problem. I thought I saw bad child gangs when I went to Russia, but it was nothing compared to this!

I think I'll move to Federal Way, where people treat each other right.

Posted by carolina bob | November 4, 2007 8:45 PM


No, really. That's funny, Dan.

Posted by Mr. Poe | November 4, 2007 8:50 PM

Dan says, "I have receipts to prove that I was in Spokane at the time of the crime."

I would be more interested in actual proof that you filed a police report. Please scan and post a censored copy of said report.

Posted by mmbb | November 4, 2007 9:07 PM

@50 LOL That's great man.

Posted by JessB | November 4, 2007 9:19 PM

Longest and slowest punkin smashing ever.

Posted by PA Native | November 4, 2007 9:41 PM

Those kids seriously need to eat their Wheaties.

*is so unimpressed*

Posted by redletter | November 4, 2007 10:04 PM

Hmm, I DID hear a laugh mysteriously similar to the one on my favorite podcast...

Posted by Jill | November 5, 2007 5:43 AM

Some of my warmest memories of my dad are those where we were committing vandalism together. Blowing crap up with firecrackers, shaving cream in mailboxes, and throwing hostess Sno-Balls onto a tennis court! So bad, but so fun.

There are some real category-5 fuddy-duddies here. "How could an adult do this? My goodness!"

Posted by Moltarr | November 5, 2007 6:13 AM

i bet there mammy had luv handLes.

Posted by gEoRGE BusH | November 5, 2007 8:55 AM

Those kids are lucky to have a dad who will pull shit like that. Bravo!
Now who could it be? Certainly not the family across the street who had the dead Trick or Treater display.
Everybody: don't move to Seattle because with your voter's resignation you get a stick jammed up your ass.

Posted by poster girl | November 5, 2007 9:34 AM


i must be one of your denser readers, because i'm really confused right now. when i first read this, i burst out laughing... the text you put with the video is so deadpan i instantly thought it was a joke... you know, like you took your kid out with a friend and let them bash the pumpkins for fun and shits and giggles, and waved a flashlight around. and of course you taped it because it's hysterical and cute. "the authorities have been notified"... awww cute! but now it looks like you're being serious? someone you don't know actually vandalized your pumpkins? i'm not used to devoting so much thought to your column and i'm already bored of teh debate, so can someone just clear this up? was it a joke?

Posted by Alice | November 5, 2007 11:07 AM

We dined with the perps last night, Alice. Hatchet buried.

Posted by Dan Savage | November 5, 2007 11:15 AM

did you get revenge last night by serving them their family pets?

"Enjoying the rosemary roasted chicken, Bob? Well I'm sure you enjoyed Clucky's company when she was alive too! Bwahahahaha!"

Posted by pain | November 5, 2007 11:24 AM

@62 you killed them? with a hatchet?

Posted by cochise. | November 5, 2007 11:32 AM


Posted by Dan Savage | November 5, 2007 11:52 AM

You dined with them? Did they contact you or did you track them down? And dining with those obnoxious kids?? The world has gone mad.......

Posted by M | November 5, 2007 11:53 AM

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