Comments on "Girls always hee-hawed at me and even men did in the federal john!"

I get the Megad!k one all the time. Also, MagicD!k. Using the exclamation mark is so crafty too. I never would have thought to add Megad!k to my SPAM word list.

Spammers should have their hands cut off.

Oh, Lindy. You're the best. Crush my house with your godzilla wang, please.

quote
me: “There are no losers among the possessors of long dicks. Now you can be one of them!”

Meagan: that’s true
that is why all women are losers. /endquote

That's bad logic, guys.
If A stands for "possessors of long dicks"
And B stands for "losers"
Then we can phrase the first assertion as
If A, then not B
Meagan's response, "If not A, then B," does not logically follow.

Classic logical phallusy.

With a big penis you can beat up all the other men

I do try to keep logic in mind while chatting online with my pals. Dr. Markosian, my symbolic logic teacher in college, will be ever so disappointed that I constructed a false proof.

Hushed tone: "(tabletop_joe), I've been getting some *really obscene* e-mails. I mean, REALLY obscene."

I had to explain to an older lady co-worker about spam mail. Then she read a couple of them to me over the phone. It took all of my strength not to laugh.

"Are you sick of viewing films for men and jerking off,
because you cannot find a vixen, who would like to get laid by such a tiny phallus as yours?
Try it here now and let her s'e_xy mouth, not your hand, polish your rod!"

Yeah, isn't it just fucking hilarious how society constantly tells a huge cross-section of men that they're sexually and personally inadequate because of a physical attribute that's completely out of their control? I laugh about this all the time.

If there was a post like this talking about breast implants, ECB's head would actually explode.

My favorite is "Your new dick is waiting for you". Considering the number of FTMs I know, I don't think that means what the spammers meant it to...

"oh, it was just on backorder!"

Lindy West has now displaced poor ol' David Schmader as my fave Stranger writer. Alert the media! Oh never mind, I just did.

i think this speaks against allowing the legalization of cannabis

Lindy, thank you. ECB and I are constantly lobbing inappropriate email subject lines back and forth across the newsroom. It's about time some of them ended up on Slog.

Poke her eye out as you plow her with your imaginary big wee wee! As we laugh at y'all and your little wangs all the way to the BANK! Oh Snap! Bee-aches!

"Hey dude, why you be affronted with substandard tallywacker?"
Sometimes it's like the spam gnomes were playing dirty Mad Libs in my email.

It is funny how this is the measure of a man. as long as you don't have a thumb sized penis, all that should matter is that

a. you dont finish in 2 minutes
b. you can keep it up
c. it doesnt bend 90 degrees
d...

im sure there are more out there for the requirements of satisfactory sexual experiences that a man must live up to for women.

Also, why did the men hee-haw at you in the federal john? Does that mean prison toilet?

I'm sorry, if someone said you were a good writer, they were making a joke.

Please never write again.

I enjoyed a recent one from my own collection that asks: "Need a bigger pencil?"

YES. Thank god you contacted me. I actually prefer the oversized pencils from the fair. Please tell me how I may obtain one, sirs.

Lindy and Meags, I think Extreme best described my feelings about you. More than words, ladies. More than words.

I hope I don't have a womb.

@15: This sounds bitter and slightly off-topic...

@17: Lighten up! Lindy is a great writer: she makes people laugh.

In general: I thought this was hilarious and it reminds me of some of my own inter-office instant messages. Keep it up.

These have become progressively more audacious as time has gone on. They used to be very friendly and non-judgmental. "Hey, wouldn't you like to make your dick two inches longer," they would ask. No, thanks, but it's nice of you to ask.
Nowadays, all of the emails just make assumptions and are incredibly aloof about the whole thing: "You're dick is probably the smallest I've ever seen, and I look at dicks for a living. If you don't take this stuff as soon as possible, I'm going to start sleeping with your wife."

So, I guess I sort of agree with Judah, but then again, I'm not being a huge baby about it.

I'm pretty sure Aislinn and Bellevue know each other...

lol Megadik memes!

http://flickr.com/photos/tags/megadik/
(work safe)

@22: You're a smart girl.

@20...
If bitterness was the end of it, i'd be lucky.

The progression here, and Megan's final response, made me LOL. Thanks!

From work today:

From: "Alta X. Redmond"
Subject: Sail down the love canal more confidently

At last you've got a babe that's hot
You wanna hump her tasteful twat=2E
She's so attractive, she's so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will yearn for more?
You need a dic'k she would adore!
But how to get it long and thick?
Your only hope is MegaDik!
You'll get so wanted super-size
And see wild craving in her eyes!
Your rod will pound her box so deep,
Tonight you'll hardly fall asleep!

So try today this wonder-pi'll
And change your life at your own will!

Oh my god, I'm literally in tears. Please Stranger, more Lindy West and her XXXL dong!!!

Coughing...tea up nose...!

I guess it's all about context, huh Irena?

some dude, I'm laughing at Meagan & Lindy's send-up of the weirdos who come up with these lines -- NOT at the guys who are their target markets! (FYI, I prefer 'em slightly smaller, anyway.) And the line that made me cough up my tea was the "puncture her lung" one, which, if I were the uptight militant femi-nazi you seem to think I am, would offend me, wouldn't it?

Plus, unlike those gross urinals, this is actually funny -- and I'm guessing most guys would think so, too.

While these spam promote the stupid and oppressive idea that men should deeply, deeply care about their penis size, the messages are so Goddamned stupid that they lampoon themselves, to the point of providing weapons against the idea that a man needs a big dick to be happy.

Got a small d!ck Greg? :P

Blame spam filters for this stilted prose. My best guess is that a simple: "Want to increase your dick size?" gets e-mail swept into the spam filter tout de suite. So, we get amusing and quite original euphemisms for the penis and for the act of pleasing one's mate.

Lindy I am so in love with you and your XXXXXXL dong I can't even begin to handle it. Dude. That shit is funny.

Lindy, we need to hang out. Seriously. I promise not to batter your womb with the mexican platter in my pants.