Slog - Comments on "Girls always hee-hawed at me and even men did in the federal john!" http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men "Well, now I shriek at them, because I took Megadik for 5 months and now my shaft is hugely greater than civil." me: i love my spam folder. "If your girl cannot be satisfied with your weewee, you have to turn it into a schlong!" Meagan: My favorite was "Beat her womb with your new enlarged rod." my womb! what! that's a baby's house. me: "Your new increased penis will be all women's dream" "Set your lassie on fire with your new giant rod!" it makes me so sad to delete them. Meagan: "good news for your phallus!" me: "Large... Copyright 2008 Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:01:02 -0800 Tue, 20 Nov 2007 16:27:31 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Comment by Portuguese Breakfast I get the Megad!k one all the time. Also, MagicD!k. Using the exclamation mark is so crafty too. I never would have thought to add Megad!k to my SPAM word list.

Spammers should have their hands cut off.

]]> Portuguese Breakfast http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853044 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853044 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:18:17 -0800 Comment by Eric Grandy Oh, Lindy. You're the best. Crush my house with your godzilla wang, please.

]]> Eric Grandy http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853047 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853047 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:19:34 -0800 Comment by Eric F quote
me: “There are no losers among the possessors of long dicks. Now you can be one of them!”

Meagan: that’s true
that is why all women are losers. /endquote

That's bad logic, guys.
If A stands for "possessors of long dicks"
And B stands for "losers"
Then we can phrase the first assertion as
If A, then not B
Meagan's response, "If not A, then B," does not logically follow.

]]> Eric F http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853055 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853055 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:25:46 -0800 Comment by Eric Grandy Classic logical phallusy.

]]> Eric Grandy http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853056 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853056 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:26:46 -0800 Comment by Paulus With a big penis you can beat up all the other men

]]> Paulus http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853058 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853058 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:28:42 -0800 Comment by Meagan I do try to keep logic in mind while chatting online with my pals. Dr. Markosian, my symbolic logic teacher in college, will be ever so disappointed that I constructed a false proof.

]]> Meagan http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853059 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853059 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:29:38 -0800 Comment by tabletop_joe Hushed tone: "(tabletop_joe), I've been getting some *really obscene* e-mails. I mean, REALLY obscene."

I had to explain to an older lady co-worker about spam mail. Then she read a couple of them to me over the phone. It took all of my strength not to laugh.

"Are you sick of viewing films for men and jerking off,
because you cannot find a vixen, who would like to get laid by such a tiny phallus as yours?
Try it here now and let her s'e_xy mouth, not your hand, polish your rod!"

]]> tabletop_joe http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853061 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853061 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:30:03 -0800 Comment by Judah Yeah, isn't it just fucking hilarious how society constantly tells a huge cross-section of men that they're sexually and personally inadequate because of a physical attribute that's completely out of their control? I laugh about this all the time.

If there was a post like this talking about breast implants, ECB's head would actually explode.

]]> Judah http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853062 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853062 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:30:23 -0800 Comment by Cow My favorite is "Your new dick is waiting for you". Considering the number of FTMs I know, I don't think that means what the spammers meant it to...

"oh, it was just on backorder!"

]]> Cow http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853064 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853064 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:32:20 -0800 Comment by Uncle Vinny Lindy West has now displaced poor ol' David Schmader as my fave Stranger writer. Alert the media! Oh never mind, I just did.

]]> Uncle Vinny http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853067 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853067 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:33:59 -0800 Comment by Jiberish i think this speaks against allowing the legalization of cannabis

]]> Jiberish http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853072 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853072 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:37:41 -0800 Comment by Jonah S Lindy, thank you. ECB and I are constantly lobbing inappropriate email subject lines back and forth across the newsroom. It's about time some of them ended up on Slog.

]]> Jonah S http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853074 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853074 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:39:06 -0800 Comment by Madge-YoursoakingINIT! Poke her eye out as you plow her with your imaginary big wee wee! As we laugh at y'all and your little wangs all the way to the BANK! Oh Snap! Bee-aches!

]]> Madge-YoursoakingINIT! http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853076 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853076 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:40:40 -0800 Comment by --MC "Hey dude, why you be affronted with substandard tallywacker?"
Sometimes it's like the spam gnomes were playing dirty Mad Libs in my email.

]]> --MC http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853082 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853082 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:45:18 -0800 Comment by Bellevue Ave It is funny how this is the measure of a man. as long as you don't have a thumb sized penis, all that should matter is that

a. you dont finish in 2 minutes
b. you can keep it up
c. it doesnt bend 90 degrees
d...

im sure there are more out there for the requirements of satisfactory sexual experiences that a man must live up to for women.

]]> Bellevue Ave http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853083 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853083 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:46:17 -0800 Comment by Meagan Also, why did the men hee-haw at you in the federal john? Does that mean prison toilet?

]]> Meagan http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853084 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853084 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:47:05 -0800 Comment by Will in Seattle I'm sorry, if someone said you were a good writer, they were making a joke.

Please never write again.

]]> Will in Seattle http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853092 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853092 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:54:28 -0800 Comment by Tiny Times I enjoyed a recent one from my own collection that asks: "Need a bigger pencil?"

YES. Thank god you contacted me. I actually prefer the oversized pencils from the fair. Please tell me how I may obtain one, sirs.

Lindy and Meags, I think Extreme best described my feelings about you. More than words, ladies. More than words.

]]> Tiny Times http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853094 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853094 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:55:16 -0800 Comment by Amelia I hope I don't have a womb.

]]> Amelia http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853102 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853102 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:03:47 -0800 Comment by Aislinn @15: This sounds bitter and slightly off-topic...

@17: Lighten up! Lindy is a great writer: she makes people laugh.

In general: I thought this was hilarious and it reminds me of some of my own inter-office instant messages. Keep it up.

]]> Aislinn http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853114 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853114 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:08:58 -0800 Comment by Chris in Tampa These have become progressively more audacious as time has gone on. They used to be very friendly and non-judgmental. "Hey, wouldn't you like to make your dick two inches longer," they would ask. No, thanks, but it's nice of you to ask.
Nowadays, all of the emails just make assumptions and are incredibly aloof about the whole thing: "You're dick is probably the smallest I've ever seen, and I look at dicks for a living. If you don't take this stuff as soon as possible, I'm going to start sleeping with your wife."

So, I guess I sort of agree with Judah, but then again, I'm not being a huge baby about it.

]]> Chris in Tampa http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853119 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853119 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:15:22 -0800 Comment by Amelia I'm pretty sure Aislinn and Bellevue know each other...

]]> Amelia http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853122 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853122 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:17:22 -0800 Comment by Lake lol Megadik memes!

http://flickr.com/photos/tags/megadik/
(work safe)

]]> Lake http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853123 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853123 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:21:11 -0800 Comment by Aislinn @22: You're a smart girl.

]]> Aislinn http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853130 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853130 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:26:35 -0800 Comment by Bellevue Ave @20...
If bitterness was the end of it, i'd be lucky.

]]> Bellevue Ave http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853145 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853145 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:45:06 -0800 Comment by only a mexi fry The progression here, and Megan's final response, made me LOL. Thanks!

]]> only a mexi fry http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853160 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853160 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 18:11:58 -0800 Comment by efnord From work today:

From: "Alta X. Redmond"
Subject: Sail down the love canal more confidently


At last you've got a babe that's hot
You wanna hump her tasteful twat=2E
She's so attractive, she's so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will yearn for more?
You need a dic'k she would adore!
But how to get it long and thick?
Your only hope is MegaDik!
You'll get so wanted super-size
And see wild craving in her eyes!
Your rod will pound her box so deep,
Tonight you'll hardly fall asleep!

So try today this wonder-pi'll
And change your life at your own will!

]]> efnord http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853176 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853176 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 19:09:53 -0800 Comment by zeroryoko Oh my god, I'm literally in tears. Please Stranger, more Lindy West and her XXXL dong!!!

]]> zeroryoko http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853195 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853195 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 20:36:14 -0800 Comment by Irena Coughing...tea up nose...!

]]> Irena http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853204 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853204 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 21:09:38 -0800 Comment by some dude I guess it's all about context, huh Irena?

]]> some dude http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853222 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853222 Sex Mon, 19 Nov 2007 22:01:17 -0800 Comment by Irena some dude, I'm laughing at Meagan & Lindy's send-up of the weirdos who come up with these lines -- NOT at the guys who are their target markets! (FYI, I prefer 'em slightly smaller, anyway.) And the line that made me cough up my tea was the "puncture her lung" one, which, if I were the uptight militant femi-nazi you seem to think I am, would offend me, wouldn't it?

Plus, unlike those gross urinals, this is actually funny -- and I'm guessing most guys would think so, too.

]]> Irena http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853263 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853263 Sex Tue, 20 Nov 2007 01:18:58 -0800 Comment by Greg While these spam promote the stupid and oppressive idea that men should deeply, deeply care about their penis size, the messages are so Goddamned stupid that they lampoon themselves, to the point of providing weapons against the idea that a man needs a big dick to be happy.

]]> Greg http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853289 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853289 Sex Tue, 20 Nov 2007 07:58:19 -0800 Comment by grob Got a small d!ck Greg? :P

]]> grob http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853344 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853344 Sex Tue, 20 Nov 2007 09:47:55 -0800 Comment by keshmeshi Blame spam filters for this stilted prose. My best guess is that a simple: "Want to increase your dick size?" gets e-mail swept into the spam filter tout de suite. So, we get amusing and quite original euphemisms for the penis and for the act of pleasing one's mate.

]]> keshmeshi http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853388 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853388 Sex Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:32:36 -0800 Comment by Mittens Schrodinger Lindy I am so in love with you and your XXXXXXL dong I can't even begin to handle it. Dude. That shit is funny.

]]> Mittens Schrodinger http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853488 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853488 Sex Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:46:42 -0800 Comment by Ryan Lindy, we need to hang out. Seriously. I promise not to batter your womb with the mexican platter in my pants.

]]> Ryan http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853974 http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/11/girls_always_heehawed_at_me_and_even_men#c853974 Sex Tue, 20 Nov 2007 16:27:31 -0800