Chow Dumbass Letter of the Day
posted by November 15 at 9:50 AMon
Gotta love reason #4:
Here are the Top Ten reasons to skip the turkey this Thanksgiving:
10. You will pardon a turkey—just like President Bush, but for the right reasons.
9. You’ll celebrate life and good fortune, rather than death and misfortune.
8. You won’t suffer nightmares about how the turkey lived and died.
7. You won’t have to call the Poultry Hotline to keep your family alive.
6. You won’t have to sweat the saturated fat and cholesterol.
5. Your vegetarian friends will adore you.
4. Your kids will tell their friends about their cool “tofurky.”
3. You won’t fall asleep during the football game.
2. You are what you eat. Who wants to be a “butterball”?
1. Commercial turkeys are too fat to have sex. Could happen to you.
This Thanksgiving, let’s give thanks for our good fortune, health, and happiness with a life-affirming, cruelty-free feast of vegetables, fruits, and grains. My family’s Thanksgiving dinner menu will include a “tofurky,” lentil roast, mashed potatoes, corn stuffing, stuffed squash, chestnut soup, candied yams, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and perhaps even carrot cake. An internet search on Vegetarian Thanksgiving got us more recipes and other useful information than we could use.
Yeah, my kid’s going to brag about that cool “tofurkey”—and then get his ass kicked. And, I’m sorry, but I wanna sleep through the football game—and if my vegetarian friends don’t “adore” me already, well, they can choke on their own tofurkeys.