Sex Another “Sex Offender” Violates Inanimate Object
posted by November 15 at 10:45 AMon
We’ve Slogged about this poor bastard before—now apparently known as “Bike Sex Man”—but he’s made the news again:
Bike sex man placed on probation
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation. Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr. Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: “They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. “They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
“The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”
Both cleaners, who were “extremely shocked”, told the hostel manager who called police.
What the fuck? He was alone, behind a locked door, in his own room—his own private room, not a shared room. And he didn’t answer the door because he was having a wank. How was he supposed to know the FUCKING MORONS on the other side of the door had a key and were about let themselves in?
And for this offense—for beating off on a bike—this poor bastard lands on a sex offender registry. Because he’s a danger to the public? No, because his sexual interests—assuming he’s actually attracted to bikes, and wasn’t just seeking new and different friction—make people uncomfortable. Check this quote out:
Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: “In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a ‘cycle-sexualist’.”
Yeah, and you never would have, Sheriff Preening Douchebag, if Stewart’s privacy hadn’t been violated by a couple of prissy cleaning women, an idiotic hostel manager, and a police officers with way too much time on its hands. Christ!