A sighting. A very fancy fag. An email. These are the elements which confront us today as one certain Miss Mary wonders, and leads us to wonder, whether it was, or was not. (But she’s pretty sure it probably was.) Observe:

Dear Adrian, I swear I saw Carson from Queer Eye enjoying coffee with a good-looking young man at Presse this morning. I did a triple-take, and it wasn’t just a passing similarity. If it wasn’t Carson, then it’s his gay Seattle doppelganger. Just thought I’d share! —Mary

Dear Mary,
Don’t swear. It’s unattractive in a woman. —Adrian

Then: Britney Spears and Michael Jackson: two twirley white women with a penchant for endangering children? Yes. I bring this up for no particular reason, except perhaps to wonder why, precisely, Britney has had her children ripped screaming from her allegedly unfit arms, while Michael Jackson was allowed to abscond elsewhere with his own with comparatively little fuss, and is dangling them from exotic balconies around the world and presumably not molesting them as we speak. And I’m fairly certain that Michael Jackson has never had a valid driver’s license in any state at all, ever, and as far as I am aware, Britney has never seduced a twelve-year-old. It hardly seems quite fair then, does it? All of this child-taking-away? Of course it doesn’t. Furthermore, as I understand the situation, PETA never tried to strong-arm Michael Jackson into relinquishing a single beast from his huge, infamous and totally insane menagerie of circus creatures—-not even that damn monkey—not ever, not once, no matter what the hell he did to his own or somebody else’s children. Not so much luck for poor Britney. Even her poodles are in peril!

A spokesman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says the group’s president has written an open letter to Kevin Federline encouraging him to pursue custody of Spears’ animals. “PETA fears that the dogs may be in danger.” He says PETA is particularly concerned about the welfare of her Yorkshire terrier puppy London, which she takes to nightclubs and shopping malls.

What else should be taken from Britney immediately: Sharp objects, household cleaners, matches, prescription drugs and anything that can be tied into a noose.

And did I forget to mention that Nicholas Cage woke earlier this week to find a totally naked and rather nude man wandering around his home? Lucky son of a bitch.

That is all.