Life You, Lady on Your Cell Phone…
posted by October 13 at 9:18 AMon
I hate you.
Hell is other people—on their cell phones. It’s amazing that someone made that observation—hell is other people—so many decades before cell phones came along. Other people may have been annoying, aggravating, dense, murderous, occasionally genocidal, and altogether inconsiderate before cell phones, but other people weren’t truly hellish until they could muscle their way to an empty seat at the front of the line for a Southwest flight, retrieve cell phones from their handbags, and proceed to blather inanities into their cell phones—inanities that can only, it seems, be blathered at the top of their lungs—for an hour or two straight.
Every once in a while this woman—this hellish woman—would say goodbye, and snap her cell phone shut. Then she would examine her cell phone for a moment, a serious expression playing on her face. Each time I hoped she was thinking, “I’m a terrible person, putting everyone around me through this.” But no. She was only pausing to contemplate all the people she could call next, every last number in her phone book, all the friends, relatives, and coworkers that couldn’t possibly wait to see her in person before hearing everything—every last crushingly boring detail—about her trip to Seattle. Then she’d flip her phone open again.