Celeb Two Dreadful Clips that Make Me Feel Like Crap
posted by on October 4 at 17:59 PM
I couldn’t post these earlier because I was drunk in a ditch, as usual, so if you’ve seen our first dreadful clip already, which you might have, I do apologize. Or I would, if I ever apologized, which I don’t. So.
The first dreadful clip is a violent and jarring little thing, clipped from some horrible FOX-related awards show, and features a terrible physical assault perpetrated upon some total nobody by Danny Bonaduce (“Bonaduce”, coming to us from the Latin for “fantastic douche”). It proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that there IS actually something uglier than Danny Bonaduce’s outsides, and, ladies and gentlemen, it’s his INSIDES.
I urge you not to watch.
Yeowch. Charges are pending, thank God.
The second dreadful clip is dreadful for obscure reasons, and none of these reasons have much to do with the fact that it features a lonely lovebird masturbating with a toy ball. These reasons do, however, have much to do with said dirty bird being lately quite DEAD.
Allow me to explain:
The short clip features my niece’s pet love bird “Kiwi” doing her birdy little business, and if it looks familiar, that’s because I posted it in July. Shortly thereafter, the odd video (way too dark, and featuring, God forgive me, a snatch of actual COUNTRY MUSIC in the background—-I don’t know how it happened, stop looking at me like that) climbed to number 12 as one of the most popular YouTube clips in the “Animals” category for that month. Poor Kiwi was tragically killed earlier this week in events that involved a bath and a startled weinerdog and are best not elaborated upon. So then, en memoriam or whatever, I give you, for the last time, Kiwi’s dirty love dance (please watch it with the volume off)…
Sad, sad, sad.
That "total nobody" happens to be familiar to any remaining fans of Survivor--he's Johnny Fairplay (aka Jon Dalton.)
Of course, your description of him as a "total nobody" is accurate.
But if anyone has ever deserved to be back body dropped onto an awards show stage by a chemically dependent former child star, it would be JFP.
No sympathy required.
(Unless it's for the bird...)
Hey! Danny had a cross on while he did it. That means he's a Christian, so he didn't do anything wrong.
I would like some elaboration on the events that include a bath and a startled weinerdog. Just saying...
My condolences regarding the bird. Some are taken from us far too soon.
And others, as evidenced by the Bonaduce video, cannot possibly be taken soon enough.
I'm not normally a fan of resolving things with violence, but this was FUCKING AWESOME. Thirty seconds of that smarmy dickhead saying "who's booing?" made me want to throw him off a bridge. And then he dry humps the other dude? See ya!
One reality t.v. "celebrity" down, 499 to go.
ps- how was it that it was the Bonadouche guy assaulting the smarmy guy? Seemed like the smarmy guy jumped up on the Bonadouche guy.
ps- bonus points for posting to the Slog and then telling people not to watch.
Good work Danny - some guy jumping on you is assault
This will be thrown out of court.
If it isn't, just cue the words,"No jury in the land" amd get ready to shoot yourself in the face with them.
If you jump on someone and grab onto them without their consent it seems pretty reasonable for them to throw you off, although he certainly could have thrown him off in a more gentle manner.
A bath and a startled wiener dog! That is sad but somehow hysterical too.
I want a better video of the bird to satisfy my sick curiosity!! SO sad that Kiwi's birdie porn career was cut short!
i hate both of those reality "stars" -- so i feel i can give a fairly objective opinion here.
i guess that this fairplay's gimmick: the attack bear hug. it's it certainly not assault.
and even if you were not aware of the gimmick, throwing someone over your head is a disproportionate use of force as a response. it really looks like bonaduce was playing around and unintentionally hurt the guy. bonaduce did not at any time appear to show signs demonstrating he actually believed he was being attacked. that means you are at fault.
you might not have sympathy for fairplay as a person, but that doesn't mean he deserved that.
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