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Did you floss after?

Posted by Katelyn | October 16, 2007 12:49 PM

Were you able to procure the necessary diapers, wetsuits, rope and king-size black dildos?

Posted by Original Andrew | October 16, 2007 12:49 PM

Furtive, stressful, and humiliating?

Dan, Dan. You're doing it wrong.

It's furtive and exciting.

And HOT!

Never send a gay to do a straight sex task.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 16, 2007 12:50 PM

You had public sex with your Mom???

Posted by Dee in SF | October 16, 2007 12:53 PM

I especially like all of the signs that say "No Llamas" in Florida. It would read, No bicycles, skateboards, rollerblades, dogs, cats, or Llamas. Which basically means I could have sex, walk my crocodile, and take a shit in the middle of the path.

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 16, 2007 12:56 PM

Hah! I usually have to read your books to hear about your personal exploits.

Speaking of your books, the big Barnes & Noble downtown doesn't even have one copy of Skipping Toward Gomorrah; I was shocked—SHOCKED!—so I bought The Kite Runner instead.

Posted by Carollani | October 16, 2007 1:05 PM

So Dan,
Does your mom ever ask what you do for a living?

What does she think about Hump, dear boy?

Posted by Do tell | October 16, 2007 1:09 PM


What makes you think Hump! wasn't her idea?

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 16, 2007 1:14 PM

do tell @7 clearly you're a newb on the Dan scene, else you would recall those delightful times when Mom Savage was on Savage Love Live.

Posted by gnossos | October 16, 2007 1:23 PM

Oh my goodness. Hysterical. Is this a retirement community riverwalk? It seems like they've tried to take all the fun out of it. Soon to be added to the list: No Kids.

Posted by Michigan Matt | October 16, 2007 1:38 PM


And here I am, thinkin' that should be the only thing on the list.

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 16, 2007 1:41 PM


That Barnes & Noble doesn't have shit. But they'll order whatever you want off of their website, which of course you could do yourself from the comfort of your own home. There used to be a time when those big stores existed so you could find whatever you need in one place.

Posted by keshmeshi | October 16, 2007 1:43 PM

@6: you can have my copy of the kite runner. its a snooze, and i didn't make it too far past the rape scene.

Posted by maxsolomon | October 16, 2007 1:43 PM

At least you didn't have public sex with a crocodile, Mr. Poe.

FYI, they don't do oral ... or at least, if they do, it's just once.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 16, 2007 1:51 PM

Looks like Lake Bellevue.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | October 16, 2007 1:54 PM

True, will - but they definitely DO swallow!

Posted by COMTE | October 16, 2007 1:55 PM

Can we come?

Posted by 2girls1cup | October 16, 2007 2:01 PM

The signage is so in need of redaction:

1. "Welcome to the white bread, tight-ass, I've-got-mine serenity of the McHenry Riverwalk"

2. Omit the "adhere to" baloney - bandaids and Scotch tape adhere.

3. "Unlawful" or "illegal" - which is it? is there actually a law that says one cannot fish ON the riverwalk - are there fish on the riverwalk? Who wrote this law? and why? What about crabbing?

4. "Thank you and enjoy your physically unhealthy, comatose stay. No loud music or stertorous breathing after 2200 hours."

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | October 16, 2007 2:02 PM

"Thank you and enjoy your stay despite the act of enjoyment being a misdemeanor."

Posted by Bont | October 16, 2007 2:08 PM

Is Eli Sanders gay? Or is his relationship with Chris Crocker totally platonic?

Posted by Amelia | October 16, 2007 2:10 PM

@11 Yeah. I was actually surprised that one wasn't on there. Where there are kids, there's trouble. And wacky highjinks.

Posted by Michigan Matt | October 16, 2007 2:44 PM

Clarified who I went on the walk with, thanks. Not mom, boyfriend. You have a filthy mind, Dee.

And my mom knows -- and loves -- what I do for a living. She has all my books (all, uh, four of 'em) on a shelf in her living room, along with my brother's books. And who the hell do you think taught me to give good advice in the first place?

Posted by Dan Savage | October 16, 2007 3:06 PM

@22 Wait. Your brother writes books, too?

Posted by Michigan Matt | October 16, 2007 3:22 PM

Is it Micheal Savage?

Posted by Amelia | October 16, 2007 3:24 PM

No, Michael Savage is Chris Crocker's better half. Eli Sanders is his significant other.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 16, 2007 3:27 PM

Amelia, you are seriously outta' the loop.

It's called Wikipedia.

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 16, 2007 3:43 PM

hahaha I've seriously been waiting my entire Slog life for someone to figure that out!

Posted by Amelia | October 16, 2007 3:50 PM

Rhett Oracle @18: you know nothing about serious redaction. This sign is packed with redundancies and stupidities and bogus politesse. It's worse than flight-attendant-speak. Why does a sign need to welcome anybody? It should say:

McHenry Riverwalk
No Bicycles
No Skateboards
No Rollerblades
No Fishing

End of story. Inline skates ARE rollerblades. If they want to ban regular (four-square) skates, they should replace "rollerblades" with "skating".

Posted by Fnarf | October 16, 2007 4:40 PM

@28 Let me be among the first to bow to your edified redaction. Local time is 5:59pm.

If the sign were in Seattle it would have to include the international "no" struck through icons of those denoted activities for the single resident of Riverwalk who's illiterate.

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | October 16, 2007 5:48 PM

A riverwalk in McHenry? Next you'll be telling me there's a Leaning Tower of Arlington Heights.

Posted by Deerfield: REPRESENTIN'! | October 16, 2007 6:19 PM

McHenry used to be the white trash center of McHenry County. When did they develop attitude?

Posted by Elgin Escapee | October 16, 2007 8:42 PM

Rollerblades are inline skates. Not the other way around.

It's a name brand.

Posted by PdxRitchie | October 17, 2007 3:14 AM


If A=B, then B=A.

Posted by Toby | October 17, 2007 7:07 AM

Are you doing a book tour Dan? Or do you just travel a lot? Hope you are having fun! :)

Posted by Kristin Bell | October 17, 2007 7:46 AM


In this case, 'rollerblades' are an element of a set and the set is 'inline skates', so #32 is logically correct.

As a quad skater, I love 'No Rollerblading' signs.

Posted by pain | October 17, 2007 7:58 AM




Posted by PdxRitchie | October 17, 2007 12:46 PM

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