Politics Santorum in the News
posted by on October 26 at 12:38 PM
Slog tipper Lauren points out that Wonkette used the term santorum in an item about fucking Larry Craig that I linked to yesterday. Not only did Wonkette use the santorum correctly, but using santorum allowed Wonkette to communicate the full awfulness of fucking Larry Craig without forcing readers to conjure up graphic mental images. And isn’t that the point of sexual slang and euphemism?
Traumatized Slog readers may recall that shit featured prominently in David Phillips’ cherished memories of being topped by Larry Craig. By describing Phillips’ story as a “Santorum-laced tale,” Wonkette told us everything we needed to know. Just as it’s better—more refined, less graphic—to say, “I sucked him off,” than it is to say, “I took his erect penis into my mouth until he ejaculated,” it is better to calmly cite santorum when fecal matter makes an unwelcome appearance during anal sex than it is to loudly scream shit.
Compare what Phillips said…
“[He] disappeared and returned with lube and a condom to fuck me me with. It was a clumsy and unremarkable fuck, except that I wasn’t clean and he was frantic about not getting my shit on anything. Still, he blew his load, ripped the dirty condom off and ordered me to get dressed without wiping myself…. On the way back through [his house] with shit all in my briefs and feeling totally humiliated I let my eyes wander and saw on a table a small envelope…”
…to what Phillips could have said:
“[He] disappeared and returned with lube and a condom to fuck me me with. It was a clumsy and unremarkable fuck, except that I wasn’t clean and he was frantic about not getting the santorum on anything. Still, he blew his load, ripped the santorum-streaked condom off and ordered me to get dressed without wiping myself…. On the way back through with santorum in my briefs and feeling totally humiliated I let my eyes wander and saw on a table a small envelope…”
Ah, much better! Nothing is lost, the pathos and squalor are preserved, but thanks to the artful use of a simple euphemism, readers are spared the stomach churning mental images and unwelcome olfactory sense memory.
In other santorum-related news, former Sen. Rick Santorum may finally be able to get his revenge on all the newspaper columnists everywhere that were mean to him. Santorum is going to be writing a bi-weekly column for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Santorum’s column will tackle politics, Islamofascism, and the gays’ tackle. It will be called “The Elephant in the Room” because the original name for the column, “Spreading Santorum,” was already taken.
Between this and seeing that squid with human-like teeth on BoingBoing, I really gotta stop eating while reading the Internet.
Dan,
Your son must be proud.
Be sure to send this to the NYT Op-Ed editor.
Dan Savage, I love you. Can you teach me to write so well?
Uh ... "Santorum-streaked condom" is a helluva lot more stomach-churning than "dirty condom".
I thought the agreed-upon definition of Santorum was: "A frothy mix of semen and fecal-matter". So, since Phillips clearly describes Craig as having used a condom, there shouldn't have been any mixture of the two substances, and thus his description would be accurate.
Or, was that "a frothy mix of LUBE and fecal-matter"?
In which case, um - nevermind.
Pfft. A bi-weekly column? What a pussy.
Real men write a weekly column, drink scotch, and fuck other men.
I think that when the term "santorum" was first introduced, it meant a combination of lube, semen, and fecal matter. But even if it's only two out of three, it's still disgusting enough to merit a euphemism.
Whatever the hell it is, I can think of more than a few Senators I'd love to drown in it.
Way more important than these semantic trivialities - why haven't I seen this story picked up by a major news source yet? And wouldn't you think that this little tale would get the guys who wanted him gone to now RAILROAD his ass outta Dodge?
I prefer the original version. It is blunter, more offensive, and consequently more effective for its purpose, which is to leave nothing to the imagination. And anyway, what is so awful about the word "shit" anyway? You fight for the freedom of speech to say "shit" and then you don't because its in bad taste? Weird.
He's just pimping his word. It's Dan Savage- he LOVES putting disgusting images into people's heads.
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