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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Re: Where the Gas Is Always Greener

posted by on October 18 at 15:03 PM

Dom is feeling guilty about hopping a cab from the airport—well, Dom, check out the car that just picked me up at the Boston airport.


Ben, the rep from the student group that brought me to Boston College for a talk this evening, was very apologetic. He called for a town car and they sent a stretch limo—complete with little twinkly lights on the roof the car and a wet bar stocked with champagne flutes, rocks glasses, and cut glass decanters. I felt like an ass crawling into this thing at the airport. I felt like a monster stepping out of it in front of the hotel near campus—in a progressive neighborhood full of students. There wasn’t a good spot to pull over so we literally had to stop traffic to get out—and once we were out we couldn’t make a clean getaway because Ben had to sign for the car. So we stood there, being glared at, feeling like we had just drowned a couple of polar bears with our bare hands.

We’re going to walk to the event tonight—which is at a Jesuit college. Ben told me on the way into the city that he wasn’t allowed to put the word “sex” on the poster (the original mockup described me as a “sex columnist”), and I got this in the mail yesterday: “Boston College requires that the artist be respectful of the Catholic and Jesuit nature of the University.” When I asked for a clarification, I was told, “Basically, they don’t want a speaker up there trashing Catholics.”

Wish me luck!

RSS icon Comments


Remember, good Catholics like destroying the planet.

It's not like God told us to be Stewards of it, he meant Stuarts.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 18, 2007 3:08 PM

Luck :).

Posted by Vasya | October 18, 2007 3:09 PM

I'm shocked, shocked!, that you would take dirty Catholic money to speak before their virgin children.

Posted by dirty money | October 18, 2007 3:14 PM


Posted by Mr. Poe | October 18, 2007 3:21 PM

At least it wasn't a stretch Hummer.

Posted by keshmeshi | October 18, 2007 3:21 PM

Say "god damn it" a lot.

Posted by monkey | October 18, 2007 3:26 PM

I can't imagine what Dan could possibly be saying to a bunch of catholic college students. I'll bet anyone a buck he can't do it.

Posted by idaho | October 18, 2007 4:01 PM

Heh. I once inadvertantly said "Oh my God," really loudly at a Catholic wedding. (We lost the ring-bearer pillow for 30 seconds, and I was having a coronary.)

Posted by arduous | October 18, 2007 4:17 PM

Being "respectful of the Catholic and Jesuit nature of the university" doesn't exactly equate with "being respectful of Catholics in general".

Maybe you can start out your talk with a joke:

Little Michael Xavier came home from his first choir practice.

"Well, how was it dear," his mother asked.

"I think Father Donald is gay", replied the boy.

"Oh my goodness! Why would you think that?" his mother said, shocked.

"Because, his dick tastes like shit."

Posted by Antidisestablishmentarianist | October 18, 2007 4:35 PM

@9 - WOW. That may be the best/worst joke that I've ever heard. Well done!

Posted by Miggs | October 18, 2007 4:40 PM

Good luck Dan! I'll be praying for you!

Posted by Father Guido | October 18, 2007 4:47 PM

This is fucking AWESOME! I love that they picked you up in a white stretch limo. Was the driver wearing a powder blue tuxedo? White limos always make me think of rural kids going to prom.

Good luck speaking to the Papists.

Posted by Michigan Matt | October 18, 2007 4:47 PM

Oh, Dan, we love the notes about your privileged as celebrity. Thank you for including us. It's nice to know you haven't forgotten the little people. Every detail of your life is so interesting.

You go, girl!

Posted by From all of us, the little people | October 18, 2007 5:26 PM

@13, Maybe you should log off and go do something you can be proud of, like trying to change the world for the better. Then you won't be so jealous of other people.


Posted by Irena | October 18, 2007 5:50 PM

I checked. Even the best stretch limo running on E85 has more global warming emissions than a normal taxi. Looked it up on the EPA website (a link in Getting There at the PI to find it).

You are in SO much trouble, Dan!

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 18, 2007 6:03 PM

Just to clarify, Jesuits are a big lefty group within Catholicism -- Pope Ratzinger even excommunicated a Jesuit theologian. Also, most of the Jesuit colleges in the US include sexual orientation in their equal employment statements, while most other Catholic colleges don't.

Posted by Brian | October 18, 2007 9:10 PM

you're in boston?? right now??
let's hang out.

Posted by giannissima | October 18, 2007 9:32 PM

Last weekend I met a professor at a Jesuit College who was planning to teach a course on Victorian pornography! So I'm guessing many of the students will be into hearing what Dan has to say.

Posted by Irena | October 18, 2007 9:40 PM

You could comment on your deep admiration for the acceptance of homosexuality in Catholic seminaries. I mean, there have been numerous straight guys who've dropped out of seminary and then sued the diocese for sexual harrassment, and in the end, it looks like the seminary is filthier than Club Z.

Posted by Gitai | October 19, 2007 9:08 AM

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