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Monday, October 29, 2007

Popping the Red Balloon

posted by on October 29 at 11:13 AM

I was speaking with some concerned Capitol Hill parents the other day—Capitol Hill parents are concerned in their sleep—bemoaning the opening of a Red Balloon Company outlet in the old Rainbow Grocery space on 15th. They would no longer be able to walk to QFC or Victrola, they feared, without their kids begging to buy some of the cheap plastic toys & crap in the windows of the Red Balloon Company.

Conscientious modern parenting is a war on the kind of cheap plastic crap for sale at Red Balloon—crap that your kids don’t need, aren’t going to play with, and will ultimately go to a landfill.

One parent had an idea…

RedBallonJobs.jpg

Parents upset about Red Balloon coming to 15th should apply for jobs there. Red Balloon is hiring. And then neighborhood parents/Red Balloon employees should treat customers—young and old alike—to the worst possible customer service imaginable. Infiltrate Red Balloon and put ‘em out of business. That’s the plan, anyway.

RSS icon Comments

1

Lol! I hate Red Balloon too but was afraid of offending parents. Who can be against balloons? But I agree running Red Balloon out of business is a great idea.

I've heard the company as a whole is anti-semitic. Getting that word out should eliminate a lot of their potential business. Red Balloon does a lot of "Christian Weddings". That is sick and anyone supporting the cult of Christianity should be boycott.

As a Jew I feel it's Tikkum Olam never to support businesses like Red Balloon.

Posted by Issur | October 29, 2007 11:14 AM
2

Wow. I wish this were my biggest worry for my kids.

Posted by ahava | October 29, 2007 11:14 AM
3

People work retail to learn how to hate people, not like them. Sure, you may like "people" at first, but after 5 months of working retail, you won't like "people" anymore. It's an experience we all should go through.

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 29, 2007 11:15 AM
4

It's so interesting to see what parents worry about these days. . .

At any rate, best of luck to you all as you fight the scourge of the Red Balloon! Courage!

Posted by Michigan Matt | October 29, 2007 11:17 AM
5

I'm sorry... what? Dan, or anyone, can you tell me why I should give a fuck? Why you give a fuck? Why I should give a fuck enough to want to sabotage these guys? Wanting to keep your kids from seeing toys seems petty and sad.

Posted by Big Sven | October 29, 2007 11:18 AM
6

And, why don't you have the public intern apply?

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 29, 2007 11:21 AM
7

They have some of the better old style "adult" wind up toys. I got an awesome robot puppy from their "shitty" "evil" store downtown. And no, mighty mouse toys did not have it.

But yeah, what?

Posted by seattle98104 | October 29, 2007 11:22 AM
8

Yah, going through the trouble of getting hired, so you can corrupt the system from the inside sounds good and all, but here's an idea:

Just tell your kids "NO".

Is it really that hard? You know all those valid reasons why buying this crap is a waste of money? Try actually telling that to your kids. (My parents did, although they packaged it in such a way as to say that we couldn't eat at McDonalds if we always bought crap like this- that shut me up real quick)

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | October 29, 2007 11:23 AM
9

If you don't know how to tell your kids "no" when they ask for cheap plastic crappy toys then maybe Red Balloon company isn't your biggest problem.

Posted by monkey | October 29, 2007 11:24 AM
10

I rarely see parents tell their kids "no". Instead they march in to the stores and act like their taking care of their burden.

Take my advice, Dan:

The only thing you have to do is drop a left hook to their chin. They'll never ask for a toy again. Solved.

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 29, 2007 11:27 AM
11

The child-free don't get it. I will say "no" to my kids. I say "no" to them a lot. Half of parenting is saying "no." It's not the new toys that we are annoyed about, because we're not going to get them toys at Red Balloon. It's being given one more reason to have to say "no" to your kids. It's not fun saying "no" all the time. It's a drag.

I'm not going to apply for a job there, but I'm annoyed by that store coming to 15th. Is a bunch of disposable crap and balloons made out of patroleum really what the world needs now? No.

Posted by Capitol Hill Parent | October 29, 2007 11:30 AM
12

I'll grant that I don't have kids and thus don't deal with this firsthand, but I think @8,9 are right. Is it really everyone else's problem that you can't deal with seeing your kids unhappy at not getting cheap plastic crap? Hell, you know they'll forget all about it in a little while anyway.

Posted by tsm | October 29, 2007 11:30 AM
13

Okay. This entry prompted me to go to The Red Balloon's website. I actually thought some of their toys were pretty cool--stuff I would have liked playing with as a kid, and stuff that I'd buy for my nieces and nephews.

A lot of their toys are the sort that encourage imagination and activity over passivity, which I think is the ideal for children's toys.

No, the truly evil purveyor of junky plastic toys that will end up in landfills in short time is WalMart.

Posted by Hoyt Clagwell | October 29, 2007 11:33 AM
14

Patroleum will be the death of us all, definitely.

I hope the first parent who tries this idiotic stunt gets kicked in the shin by Junior and then has half their teeth knocked out by an irate mom. Any parent with the free time and unoccupied brain to take a fake job for this purpose deserves no less.

Posted by Fnarf | October 29, 2007 11:36 AM
15

@11--It's not that childless folks don't get it. It's just obvious to us that we'd be better parents than you.

J/K y'all. J/K

Posted by Michigan Matt | October 29, 2007 11:36 AM
16

Just have the Spare Change (or is Street Stories) person stand in front of Red Balloon instead of QFC (it would make it a lot nicer shopping at QFC that way), let the homeless sleep in the doorway there or better yet use it as their shitter. That would be a great welcome AND make them feel very accepted in to the neighborhood. It's better than the stupid Rainbow Grocery with the borderline retarded hippie employees that could never find shit in their own store! That store was a blight and anything would be an improvement, but a Hadassah thrift shop would just be the best!

Posted by Turner | October 29, 2007 11:36 AM
17

Seattle never met a problem that couldn't be solved with passive aggression.

Posted by elenchos | October 29, 2007 11:38 AM
18

IS THIS SOME SPECIAL ANGST ABOUT ANYTHING HOLIDAY THAT WAS NOT ANNOUNCED TO THE PUBLIC?

SUCH TRIVIA - I ASSUME THEY DON'T ADVERTISE WITH THE STRANGER AND THAT IS THE REAL RUB?

Posted by lee ann wong | October 29, 2007 11:42 AM
19

Red Balloon, better than a stick in your eye

Posted by jseattle | October 29, 2007 11:44 AM
20

Damn, why can't they put these toy stores where the kids can't see them? Oh, wait, because then the store would fail.

If you don't like a store, don't shop there. If enough people feel the same way, the store will not last. Market forces work. Let's see how busy this store is. My guess is that there are people in that neck of Capitol Hill who just plain disagree with the notion that Red Balloon is evil.

Posted by Ryan | October 29, 2007 11:49 AM
21

If your child doesn't have the self control to walk by Red Balloon without crying and begging you to buy him/her stuff in the window, then you fail at parenting.

Posted by Gomez | October 29, 2007 11:51 AM
22

Also, Red Balloon always reminds me of the red balloon skit from Mr. Show, along with the quietly benign theme song. "You've got to follow your balloooooon...."

Posted by Gomez | October 29, 2007 11:52 AM
23

Was the plan to "Bring down the man from the inside" hatched sitting around a bong? Wouldn't it be funny if the people who got a job there to bring it down really liked it and stayed on? "Yeah, I wanted to sabotage this place...until I saw the benefits package..."

Posted by gillsans | October 29, 2007 11:54 AM
24

Having children,

Ha, Ha, Ha,

what a joke.

"I can't keep telling them NO!".

Ha, Ha, Ha.

Wait until they want to do meth.

Posted by old timer | October 29, 2007 11:55 AM
25

"employees should treat customers—young and old alike—to the worst possible customer service imaginable... and put ‘em out of business."

If that kind of attitude actually worked, half the coffee shops in town would have gone belly-up years ago.

Posted by COMTE | October 29, 2007 12:00 PM
26

Only in Seattle could 'conscientious modern parents' be concerned about a new toy store because it's THE STORE'S FAULT that their child will cry and pout and scream when they are told 'NO.'

And now these poor parents will live in FEAR of walking to the store or dragging their kid along to a coffee house, because it's "not fun" to say no. Please give me a giant fucking break.

Posted by Explorer | October 29, 2007 12:01 PM
27

Wow. The scourge of balloons has now become a major child rearing problem? Really?

But... I like balloons. Balloons make me happy.

Posted by SDA in SEA | October 29, 2007 12:02 PM
28

@11

What an idiotic thing to say. If saying no to buying disposable crap is your biggest problem, then you've got it pretty damn good.

Posted by ahava | October 29, 2007 12:03 PM
29

Greetings, retard.

The Red Balloon Company shares its name with a toy store, but the business going in here is a balloon company. Like a florist, but with balloons. No toys.

Incidentally, when I visit their website it calls me "Becky" and asks if I want to log out. Weird.

So, in closing, you're dumb, and they have a bad website.

Posted by chauncey | October 29, 2007 12:18 PM
30

@29 Don't call Dan a retard! Those poor kids on the short bus have enough problems without Dan being tossed on with them! Think of the trauma it would cause those kids. While it's sad that you have now been named Becky by The Red Balloon Co. and will now be known as Backdoor Becky in certain quarters the store still sucks.

Posted by Turner | October 29, 2007 12:37 PM
31

@22 Win! Now that's going to be stuck in my head all day...

@29 They may not sell toys on their website, but the business is the exact same Red Balloon Co. that already exists downtown. Ever been there? They have toys. Period. Yes, the website is bad, but Dan and previous commenters are not mistaken. At least, not about the toys existing, they're not.

Posted by matthew e | October 29, 2007 12:42 PM
32

Let's see.... I hate both retail AND people. Guess I won't be applying there.

Posted by Jimmy Legs | October 29, 2007 12:49 PM
33

I haven't shopped at the one on Olive since I noticed their "50-percent off" Christmas stuff from last year had been marked up AGAIN before they put it on sale.

Posted by Cheats! | October 29, 2007 12:50 PM
34

@32, those are the reasons you SHOULD work there!

I say if anyone gets a job there make it as kid unfriendly as you can. Leave liquid soap and bleach laying around is easy to open and colorful bottles for kids to drink. You know, stuff like that.

Posted by Just Me | October 29, 2007 12:52 PM
35

And Safeway is full of food--food that's gonna end up in a landfill, or worse--the sewer!

Boycott Safeway! Boycott food!

Posted by NapoleonXIV | October 29, 2007 1:01 PM
36

I am neither for or against Red Ballon company, though come to think of it, they did donate lots of ballons to decorate the Park in the early days of Gay Pride Parades here. That aside they are a business. If no one shops there they close. Vote with your cash.

Posted by inkweary | October 29, 2007 1:01 PM
37

I was going to say something like "Why the hell are we promoting the destruction of local businesses?" Better we get a Gap in there, or a Subway? Even if you don't like what they sell, at least try and support the local companies. But judging from people who've been there, it kind of sounds like these guys are assholes, so do whatever you want...

Posted by Just someone else | October 29, 2007 1:01 PM
38

"Conscientious modern parenting is a war on the kind of cheap plastic crap for sale at Red Balloon—crap that your kids don’t need, aren’t going to play with, and will ultimately go to a landfill."

You could apply such logic to Archie MacPhee's - want to undermine them out of business, too?

There could be worse going into that business space, like a Money Tree or Pizza Hut. Be thankful it's only a Red Balloon!

Posted by Madashell | October 29, 2007 1:02 PM
39

Remember, the song 99 Red Balloons by Nena is actually a song about how the nuclear apocolypse is set off by red balloons.

Danger!

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 29, 2007 1:07 PM
40

Much as I hate cheap plastic crap, I totally dissagree with the plan to get a job there to destroy it from the inside. How would you like it if anti-gays got hired on at the Stranger to make it so aweful that people had to quit and the paper failed? If you dont like the store, dont go in. Parents have to say no all the time, quit making out like its some big deal to deny your kids a trip into a store.

I personally dont like having to walk my kids past bars with drunk, potty mouth smokers hanging out front. But find saying no to cheap plastic crap pleasant, and a good way to educate kids about the 'waste' in this world.

Posted by JoAna | October 29, 2007 1:13 PM
41

That's right!

Maybe if they called themselves the Rainbow Balloon Company, and filled their window with cheap gay pride tchotchkes their non-biodegradability would be more bearable?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | October 29, 2007 1:16 PM
42

Just have your kids watch Lamorisse's The Red Balloon (Le Ballon rouge, 1956) like we all had to in elementary school. Then, when your kids ask about the store as you walk by, just remind him or her, "remember that movie we watched? Remember those bullies?"

If that doesn't work, mak'em wathc Watership Down, and tell'em it's that instead.

Posted by Dougsf | October 29, 2007 1:18 PM
43

Hey insipid Capitol Hill parents try this one... Tell your children NO! I do it all the time and guess what! They are still happy and well-adjusted. Oh and when they were young and prone to loud, sometimes inappropriate behavior, I never took them to coffee houses where people are trying to read or socialize or restaurants where people are trying to enjoy a meal in peace. Don't be dumbasses, sometimes children need to be left at home with a baby sitter. Kids don't like coffee. Kids need boundaries.
Nuff said.

Posted by maxine | October 29, 2007 1:27 PM
44

hey, #41, they DO have gay tchotckes...they have wizard of oz action figures and A FREAKIN' CHER DOLL in the window...give them points for having sense to market to the homohood..

is this place really going to do well? it doesn't seem like a good fit; too suburban for 15th Street...I guess they figure homo's give lots of parties and need the suppplies...lame...i'll buy my gift bags and balloons at that cheap corner store across the street where i buy my $6 American Spirits...

Posted by michael strangeways | October 29, 2007 1:32 PM
45

oh, and a lot of people on here need to take a chill pill...i think dan was being facetious...

and isn't The Kid a little old to be interested in the shit they have to sell?

or is dan just worried HE'S going to be tempted to buy a "Glinda the good witch" action figure? after all, didn't dan dress up like Glinda for gay pride a 100 years ago? or is that urban myth?

Posted by michael strangeways | October 29, 2007 1:39 PM
46

@43 Maxine do you prefer a hairbrush or wooden spoon when spanking? Also, when back handing a child would you suggest removing the diamond cocktail ring or just putting tape over it?

Posted by Turner | October 29, 2007 1:54 PM
47

I'm a hick from the Midwest who lives out in the middle of the woods. Explain this story to me. Why is this "Red Balloon" worse than any other toy store? They sell "Plastic crap kids don't need"...isn't a toy by definition something you don't need?

Posted by Richard | October 29, 2007 1:59 PM
48

Remove the ring--you wouldn't want to accidentally damage it.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | October 29, 2007 1:59 PM
49

Why is it that when people insist that children need boundaries and need not to be involved in every facet of adult life (i.e. restaurants and coffee houses) that that person is automatically assumed to be a child beater? I have never in my life struck an animal or human being, much less a child. I prefer "time out" for younger children and loss of privileges for older. It works. I would have a "parent-off" with anyone. I hope if you don't already have children Turner, you do society a favor and get sterilized.

Posted by maxine | October 29, 2007 2:00 PM
50

@49 It was tongue in cheek Maxine. If you'd like to spread yours I'll insert the tongue.

Posted by Turner | October 29, 2007 2:15 PM
51

Turner - you met your match and then some

Maxine - tell 'em dear, there are rubes galore who post here

Posted by Lordsman | October 29, 2007 2:38 PM
52

The other day, I was at the QFC when a horrid little brat knocked over a whole case of wine. The mother made a big deal out of making sure the little monster was okay, before moving on and not even offering to pay for the damage her spawn had done. If that had been me, I would have been taken to the car for a good talking-to (My parents were the lenient 60's types never spanked, but loved to lecture.)

Also, when I was a kid, (which was back in the dawn of the cheap plastic toy age), my parents had no problem with telling me to stop whining about wanting things. On occasion, if I was well-behaved while doing something boring that they wanted done, I could go to the toy aisle at Kresges or Woolworth's, and pick something out, but that was the exception to the rule.

Posted by catalina vel-duray | October 29, 2007 2:56 PM
53

@51 Please! Sounds like poor Maxine got her back up because she's been called out one too many times on her parenting techniques. Also, she might want to brush up on her reading comprehension skills so she can recognize sarcasm next time. I dunno though Lordsman, nice cheeks on ya?

Posted by Turner | October 29, 2007 3:08 PM
54

maxine- when it comes to parenting issues, ignore the philosophical ramblings of the childless and those who passive-aggressively dismiss their barbs as "sarcasm" ("diamond cocktail ring?") Few people here at the Slog enjoy kids, and fewer still have kids. (Occasional visits to your sister's family in Spokane don't count.)

Your posts are right on. The ability to lovingly set boundaries is one of the greatest skills a parent can have.

Posted by Big Sven | October 29, 2007 4:34 PM
55

I can't believe that some people actually believed that someone's out there planning to "infiltrate" Red Balloon. You all need to grow a sense of humor.

I'm a Capitol Hill parent and I certainly am not against RBC because I think I wouldn't be able to walk by it without my son wanting to go in (although that is true and it is tough to say "no" all the time but that's what we signed up for).

However - I was disappointed when RBC came in because I think that our community could have used something better than a bunch of crappy toys and "balloon decorations" --- WTF?

Like a great hardware store or a good organic foods market or something. But that's just my opinion.

Would I be sad to see RBC go? Yes - if it was replaced with something better.

Shoot - i'll probably end up buying something there on occasion. But it certainly won't be a balloon bouquet. How tacky.

Posted by pffft | October 29, 2007 4:38 PM
56

Correction:

Would I be sad to see RBC go? No - if it was replaced with something better.

Posted by pffft | October 29, 2007 4:39 PM
57

I bought balloons from the RBC on 15th this weekend and can report that the sales people (at least one homo among them) were super helpful, friendly, and prompt. They even tolerated my dog on leash. You'll see what I mean the next time you need a big bunch of black balloons (which QFC doesn't stock) or a clever cake topper. I think they'll do well. Capitol Hillsters throw a lot of parties.

Posted by Amy Kate Horn | October 29, 2007 5:23 PM
58

IIRC, Broadway in the late 80s/early 90s was comprised almost entirely of balloon and card stores, or poster and framing shops.

Red Balloon on 15th isn't too much of a stretch.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | October 29, 2007 5:27 PM
59

sales people (at least one homo among them) were super helpful, friendly, and prompt.

I should shop there, because no one else in Seattle retail is either helpful or prompt. And the gays who work retail are usually pissy queens who apparently have better things to do than wait on the likes of me.

Posted by red balloon convert | October 29, 2007 6:31 PM
60

#53 From: my best work is laying on my belly.

Turner, since you asked - Like two balloons pushed together just so by the master ballooner - not to brag, but several folks at the grocery store this weekend were heard commenting, "nice ass" - "oh, yeah...oh yeah" - as I passed by.

As they say, lucky at birth.

Suffer, Turner, suffer.

Posted by Lordsman | October 29, 2007 7:08 PM
61

All you whiny people who wish for "something better than RBC".... where were you with your business license applications? Boo hoo hoo. Another balloon store. Seattle has really gone to hell.

Posted by so bored | October 29, 2007 9:54 PM
62

I think the beauty of it is the idea of objecting adults conspiring to break down one small brick of the corporate monolith.

Several of us got jobs at a McDonald's once, with the idea of organizing it. The store mysteriously shut down. Six months later another McDonald's went in on the exact same site under "new ownership". That is corporate America for the most part.

You all feel bad for a corporate entity like Red Ballon? Not sure why you all are trolling the Stranger Slog if that is how ya feel. Kind of the wrong venue it seems.

Posted by StrangeLove | October 30, 2007 5:16 PM
63

This is retarded. Let's all gang up on the Seattle based, gay owned small business! Go Seattle Go! Once again we have risen to the occasion with ill-informed misdirected, passive aggression. This company has been around longer than most of you have lived in Seattle. As an old school queen, I remember the days when they had a store in the Broadway Market. As far as I know the "corporate monolith" consists of two stores in Seattle. If you really want to make a difference, give up your car, stop smoking and vote in the upcoming election.

Posted by justaguy | October 31, 2007 8:57 AM
64

justaguy, you are right on. But there seems to be a minor meme running through this thread as to whether Dan was joking or not. Doesn't seem like a laugh riot if he was...

Posted by Big Sven | October 31, 2007 11:35 AM

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