Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Velazquez DUI | Rep. Hastings Vetoes Health Ca... »

Thursday, October 18, 2007

On Ellen….No Ellen???

posted by on October 18 at 17:29 PM

If you’re like me, a fat Midwestern stay-at-home mom, you depend on the antics of spunky dykes with optimistic attitudes to get you through your drab, suicidal late mornings/early afternoons. And that’s why you love, love, LOVE the Ellen DeGeneres. Love her! And by “you” I mean “me”, and by “me” I mean, MAN! How I love me some Ellen! From the frosted tips of her floppy dishwater bob to the ties on her tennies, every lesbionic inch of her is a Disneyland of delight! If it weren’t for Ellen? Why, I’d have gutted and devoured more than my share of hobos by now, believe you me. And when Ellen gets upset, I get upset. Fortunately for everyone, Ellen never gets upset. That’s her charm. Her appeal. Her cache. That is…it WAS, until earlier this week. But now she’s upset. Very upset. Very, very, very upset. And she’s so upset that she’s canceling tomorrow’s show to “take a long weekend,” in a desperate attempt to be un-upset. And now I’m upset. And you’re upset. And everybody’s upset! And why? WHY?

You know damn good and well why. The mean puppy lady.

I admit that when Ellen emerged piggy-eyed and sopping to open her show on Tuesday and launched into a soggy monologue that went a little something like this…

Well, at first, I thought for sure she was going to say something like I HAVE INCURRABLE CANCER of the EVERYTHING! or MY MOM’S HEAD EXPLODED AT BREAKFAST! or I’M ON FIRE! or BUSH HAS CLOSED THE BORDERS AND DECLARED MARTIAL LAW, RUN! or AN A-BOMB is HEADED THIS WAY, DON’T PANNIC, THERE’S NO POINT! but, no. Flipsy the cat hating puppy or whatever has been snatched from the arms of the hairdresser by the mean dog lady, and poor Ellen is SHATTERED. Shattered! And it’s all totally unnecessary, silly even, and it’s all one (if I may say, and I may) misguided, nasty (and Catholic-looking, if you ask me) biznatch’s fault.

Puppy saver? Doer of doggie good? Humanitarian? Psh. Anybody who makes Ellen THAT upset HAS to be in league with the ultimate evil. And now Ellen has CANCELLED HER SHOW tomorrow. No fricking puppy, no fricking Ellen, no fricking nothing, cholo.

Our course is clear. This puppy woman must be destroyed. Taken out. Extreme prejudice. Yesterday, if not sooner.

And we’ve been all worried about Iran.

RSS icon Comments


Very funny. The puppy lady is in fact already receiving death threats.

Ellen could solve this whole problem by getting the little bitches another puppy. Cost her nothing, a few bucks for shots. The kids aren't going to give a shit. Everyone knows, when you lose a puppy you give 'em a new one and they get so caught up in the fun of the new one they don't feel bad about the old one.

Unless you're Pinhead Ellen. Then it's a national day of mourning.

Posted by Fnarf | October 18, 2007 5:47 PM

How embarrassing for her. Geez.

Posted by Amelia | October 18, 2007 5:52 PM

That is the most manipulative, ridiculous display of emotion I have ever seen!
Ellen needs to grow up!

Posted by mj | October 18, 2007 5:56 PM

I watched the segment and I have to say I was confounded by her reaction, too. Esp. going on T.V. and breaking down--but it occurred to me that she may be a depressed, if not bi-polar. Her reaction is exaggerated but I didn't feel it was in order to serve an agenda. It seemed heart felt. I am also aware that celebrities can become omnipotent in their own minds and aren't used to being told "no". This may be the case but I think she was wounded and it wasn't acting.

Posted by PickleDeeDee | October 18, 2007 6:01 PM

she paid the vet extra to let the dog SLEEP IN HIS BED? whoa.

Posted by bolo | October 18, 2007 6:12 PM

See, I've always adored Ellen, since way back, and I still think she's great. She's having a horrible day, emotional about something that isn't really "important" in the sense of Iran/AIDS/breast cancer, but it still is freaking her out. Yeah, it wasn't at all professional of her, but... who cares? Not her fans. It makes her seem even more human to us, and more lovable.

Now, the thing with the dog... I understand where the adoption agency is coming from, they need to be able to approve of the new home for the dog -- that's part of their policy, fine. But I hope they can check it out, and let the dog go back to the girls.

Posted by Uncle Vinny | October 18, 2007 6:42 PM

on line poll - 95 per cent side with Ellen - over 300,000 replies

Then there are the cold hearts at Slog, geez, I hope you all live somewhere else other than Seattle.

I love Ellen, she is the real deal. Talented, good at her craft, and the USA's most valued and admired Lesbian, by far. Nifty mom too. The power crazed puppy lady called the police, and the dog had a great home.

I don't blame Ellen. Right on dear Ellen, show some caring and compassion, and denounce stupid bureaucrats. Tears are fine, I cried a river when my favorite dog got hit by a car and the driver swerved to kill her, a great boarder collie.

Posted by earl | October 18, 2007 6:45 PM

celebs suck

Posted by Bellevue Ave | October 18, 2007 6:46 PM

Totally agree w/ Ellen, but how exactly did it go at the hairsylists' house?

"We're here for the dog!"
"Oh, o.k. Here you go."

At the Svenson house it would have been more like:

"We're here for the dog!"
"That's nice. My nine year old is hiding out in the woods, with a .338 Accuracy International AWM sniper rifle pointed at your spleen. Back slowly away from the door, and walk with no sudden movements back out to your car, which by the way is paper thin as far as the AWM is concerned."

Posted by Big Sven | October 18, 2007 7:28 PM

I bet had she not publicly freaked out and bring a complete media shit storm to the shelter's door, they could have come to an agreement and actually followed their procedures. You can't adopt a dog from a shelter and then just give it to anyone, even if you're famous. The shelter is ultimately responsible for the dog's well being, and being a celebrity doesn't make you trustworthy.

Posted by V | October 18, 2007 7:53 PM

@10 - oh crap, yes dog shit

I have adopted several dogs from shelters and never did it occur to me that I did not, then, own the dog. That they might continue to have total oversight about my dog, who could have guessed.

Silly twit. Elen is completely right, that puppy napper cares not a whit about dogs, just her fucking bureaucratic power.

Think just how you might feel if personally involved in this fiasco.

By the way, the puppy mafia shelter lady just set pet rescue effort back a lot. Now, due to her stupid action, everybody who adopts will fear the process, which can obviously back fire in your face.

And her agency cash flow will dry to nothing. What a fool she is.

Posted by Adam Kelper | October 18, 2007 8:01 PM

I'm still trying to figure out exactly why this is news.

Posted by Big_K | October 18, 2007 8:50 PM

news? i don't DO "news".

Posted by adrian | October 18, 2007 8:53 PM

adam, you're stupid for one reason. you dont understand how contracts work. dumbass.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | October 18, 2007 8:55 PM

Maybe she should have read the shit she signed, huh? Rescues all have different rules, most of them won't let you adopt without doing an inspection worthy of adopting a child, and more power to them.

Someone who works with rescues as much as she does really should have known this - unless she just thought that it wouldn't apply to her. Odds are good that prior to this, she could have brought the dog back to her house while the agency did the approval on the girls' home.

Of course, the other thing is, this may be a puppy that isn't well-suited to be around kids and it wasn't an issue before, but it is now.

Posted by wench | October 18, 2007 8:58 PM

@ 11, I second what 14 said.

Posted by Matt from Denver | October 18, 2007 9:42 PM

Wow, this is really really lame. Ellen is siding with pre-teen girls throwing a fit? Isn't that what they do? They'll get over it...unfortunately the poor non-profit rescue shelter probably won't make it past this whole ordeal. Ugh.

Posted by emmakat | October 18, 2007 11:21 PM

11 & 14
adrian ain't stupid . he's ignorant.
we've all been there

Posted by reverend dr dj riz | October 18, 2007 11:34 PM

do I dare point out to all the shit house lawyers - the dog's well being has not been an issue. Seems the dog is doing famously - far better than when it was in the so called shelter.


so apparently dog well being isn't the issue, so what is?

take the puppy away lady complete with the cops is a total bitch

and how in the hell do you get the overworked cops in on this?

love Ellen, the best.

Posted by Seattle Hippie | October 19, 2007 4:02 AM

@7: I thought Jodi Foster was the USA's most valued & popular Lesbian...

Posted by BillyBob | October 19, 2007 10:46 AM

Whoops. Didn't realize the cops had been called to the hairstylists' house as part of the confrontation. Forget my earlier bravado.

Never threaten the nice officer with a concealed sniper, kids.

Posted by Big Sven | October 19, 2007 11:59 AM

I like Ellen a lot but c'mon, this is crazy. She messed up. I wish that the agency would have given the dog back, but if I would have had to go through what the people at the agency are going through ( death threats, constant calls...) I would have said the hell with everyone too. Anyway to see what I really think go to

There's some extra footage and my take on the whole deal. My blogs are kind of… different.

Posted by davidspates | October 21, 2007 12:12 AM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).