Comments on HUMP 3 Winners!

Your sports team suck, but at least Seattle has it's homegrown porn to fall back on in tough times. Congrats!

Umm... Slog has a loyal following outside of Seattle, and since you've been advertising HUMP! so much, I figured, "Sweet. Once they've had the show and announced the awards, they'll sell the DVD." Apparently not. Just because people don't live in Seattle (anymore) doesn't mean they should be denied the privilege of seeing the HUMP! films. HUMP! for the masses!

I didn't vote for Queer Safari, but only because one of the dicks they guy put in his mouth was limp, which is, like, the sickest thing anyone can ever do, ever.

Start your own HUMP, Foofoo. People want to get busy, but not have it on the internet the next day.

I could not make it this year, just tell me that the biggest dick in HUMP is attached to a REALLY hot guy!! PLEASE??

@2

The purpose of Hump!, from what I've gathered, is for locals or somewhat locals to be porn stars for a moment. Hence why they destroy the only copies.

sweet! both my votes were the winners!!! glad i wasn't the only one who thought they were great.

and hey foofoo... i do live in seattle and i attend every festival and i STILL want to see more. i understand there are probably many reasons for not putting the entries online or dvd. just thinking about all those legal obstacles makes me dizzy. however, i would like to see some of the best of hump all in one festival sometime.... perhaps a mid-winter screening.

might i suggest a few from last year?: cum on love bo logan is waiting; that salt shaker/napkin thing; the artsy shower/spank scene; getting a leg up in porn!

There's nothing to stop any of the individual entrants from putting their contributions up on any of the many web sites devoted to this sort of thing, should they choose to, however. If they do, I hope someone lets us know!

For #6: Getting a leg up, at least, has been interneted...
http://www.theblogblog.net/?p=921

FooFoo @ 2:

Stranger fans who don't live in Seattle can buy plane tickets. My HUMP weekend was quite lovely, the red eye back to Boston, less so. Next year I'll just stay another day. And have more crumpets. Mmmmm.... crumpets.

I'm reposting this here as it's an actual thread on Hump:

Speaking of hump, it should be noted that the version of A Well-Oiled Machine screened at Hump! 3, was not the version we submitted. Over a minute of the best shots of robot on lady action were removed and otherwise reedited in a poorly thought out manner by staff at The Stranger. The music was misaligned due to the idiotic edit job that we were neither warned was going to happen nor consulted about. Overall, the second half of the night was basically ruined for my fiancée and I as we watched in horror as our child was shown in such a slashed and rehashed manner. You did not see the 8 minute film we submitted.

And now I'll get a little more verbose...

You would think with such an emphasis on safety at the screening, that the safety of artistic integrity would remain intact. I'm still reeling from the "I'm sorry." We got from Dan when we approached him about the rehash of our film that was shown at the screening that we had no idea had been done. I'm still just WTF? Who does that? Who takes a carefully crafted film with no dialog and only music to carry it along and chop up the scenes to no longer match the artists vision?

Seriously, Dan, you said you didn't do it, well, who the fuck did?

Raymond
composer/assistant editor
A Well-Oiled Machine

Hey, wasn't there an artistic category last year? (Not that any of this year's entries were particularly artsy). Alas, my 2nd year of attending Hump and I found the preponderance of humorous entries to be fatiguing. Nary a straight-up sex scene in the whole lot. I enjoy humorous sex as much as the next Hump fan but how about more variety next year?

Good write-up, Dan, but didn't the Vampire film also feature heavy girl-on-girl action?

Dang, wish I hadn't been in DC at the Bite of Bethesda ...

I would love it if some of the films that are just funny and don't actually show human sex were posted online.

Especially "The Room". That was my favorite by far. I was still laughing at that the next day. Also the robot dogs. Here's a plea to the creators of those clips to post them somewhere!

Our movie was butchered too, but it didn't make any difference because Queer Safari was way too good. I was kinda bummed that our sex with a corpse was removed, but Tapioca Love fest had way grosser stuff that was allowed to stay.

Anyone want to see ALIEN FUCKS PREDATOR? There it is.

Please note: We cut "The Room" in HALF. And it got 300+ votes. At full length I don't think it would have won so many hearts and minds.

But we had to make some edits for time, not taste. We're sorry that you're so upset, Raymond. We removed a minute -- and by "we" I don't mean "me," as I wasn't in on the edit process -- and you should have been notified, just as Clint was notified and the makers of "The Room" were notified. Mistakes were made.

Some films had to be shorter or they were going to be dropped.

I didn't go to the show. But I think it's weird that the Stranger edited some of the films before they were screened. At least that's what the comments above indicate. And I believe EVERTHING that I read on the Slog.

some people would probably prefer to have their films dropped than have them hacked up without consultation

A Well-Oiled Machine was tedious at the length it was shown. Nothing happened. A woman goes home with a guy in a cardboard robot suit and pretends to have sex with him for six minutes that seemed like hours. The outraged artists that put it together make it sound like Dan ripped 30 minutes out of the middle of some masterpiece. That wasn't the case.

Your film sucked, Raymond. Quit your bitching. It's not SIFF. It's a porn festival.

We did consult with folks whose films were trimmed -- I spoke to Clint personally. Someone should have spoken to Raymond, and we're sorry about that. Clint could have pulled his film if he didn't want to make the trims, and opted not to. The guys that made the Room were fine with the cuts.

And I think we only trimmed one other film. "You Oughta Be In Pictures," the porn fest HUMP was modeled on, pretty much only shows clips.

We had an hour and half, and we wanted to pack in as much as possible -- including some films that, in our judgment, needed trims.

Well, mine was edited slightly(the last blooper was cut off the credits) no big deal. I'm just happy to be shown even though, technical difficulties made it so my film didn't get shown on Friday, but they fixed in time for the Saturday screenings. So far we've entered 2 years and haven't won, but we have learned so much about the voting populous of Seattle. I think we have a good shot of actually placing next year.

Sorry to those of you who went on Friday and missed out on the bobble-"head"

hehe.

You said 'trim'.

hehe

@ 11

I completely agree with you. I've been to Hump the past couple years and this was, well, strange. I didn't really find it to be an enjoyable experience, but more on the boring side (except the BDSM hardcore winner, which in all honestly, was extremely tough to watch). Where was the porn? Couches fucking each other was funny, but it seemed like you could have just looped that movie for an hour and a half for the same effect. I'd love to hear from Dan if it was just the nature of films they received as I'm guessing there was just a lack of actual "sex" movies??

Didn't anyone else who went feel this way??

All of that is terrible and/or awesome, but what I want to know is, can we get a desktop sized version of that reaction shot?

I thought it was fun. It was weird, upsetting, wince-inspiring, sexy, hilarious, odd, and interesting. I'm really, really hoping that the creators of the sofa/love-seat porn upload it to YouTube.

@24, my feelings exactly, and surely we weren't alone in being disappointed in that regard. There was plenty of laughs - much appreciated, of course - and some gay sex, but genuinely hot straight sex was in very short supply indeed.

Of course, I know what the response to this will be: "It's an amateur festival - make your own next year." And I think I will, sir. I think I will.

@ Gomez:

Yes there was. =)

@24:

Not at all. This was my first time going, and I loved all the movies. There was variety, and enough laughs so the room didn't get all weirded out. I know that during Lauren Like Candy my jaw was on the floor for most of it, followed by a gasp at the end. OUCH.

If trimming needed to be made for time, you should have called us. We were called twice in the whole process; once to let us know that it had been chosen, and a second time about 3 weeks back double checking that we wanted our film in showing. I'm not upset that you cut our film down for time, I'm upset that you apparently hired a deaf monkey to do the job. And would allow such a mistake to even happen. Do I think our film had a chance in winning with the other contenders? Not a damn chance, but that doesn't excuse slicing the shit out of our film, AND ONLY SEX SCENES, WTF?

We would have gladly edited our movie down a minute if someone had taken 2 seconds to call us and ask. We spent hours matching the music to he visuals on screen and 50% of that was ruined.

I'm still livid that there's not an apparent safety net for artistic integrity for such a patron of the arts as the Stranger.

I'm just bewildered that this happened. You made my fiancee fucking cry.

Bastards.

There was tons of gay sex at HUMP 3. Broken had full (and hot) buttfucking, Queer Safari had hot (and hilarious) oral, and Sex on Roller Skates had buttfucking and oral. And of course there was Lauren Likes Candy for the BDSM-inclined lesbian ladies and the straight men that admire them.

But it does seem like the straight folks held back this year. There was the one long fucking scene that was Thank God the Audio Works, and the girl-girl-boy blowjob in Vampire Strip Club, the foot-and-dick action in Black and White, the gonzo sex in Supertwink Story, and one very hot girl getting it on with a sex machine in Rise of the Machines. But there could have been more straight hardcore porn.

But we straight folks have no one to blame but ourselves for this state of non-affairs. If we want to see more straight porn in HUMP, we need to make more straight porn for HUMP.

Like Dan said, the queers brought it this year. The straights sat back and watched it.

There were no sex scenes in your film, seattle98104. Only simulated sex scenes. And pretty damn dull ones at that.

And Dan has already stated that it was a mistake not to contact you about the trim, as others whose films were trimmed had been contacted.

@24

"Didn't anyone else who went feel this way??"

I didn't go, but I feel that way.

Hehe.

Yes, more sex is good. I thought Vampire Sex Club and Broken were the best films of the show, and was a little bit disappointed not to see more like them. The inanimate object sex was cute, but a bit overdone. I liked Room, I liked a well-oiled machine, I liked a date with Ivar, etc. They were all good, but once you've seen a few of them...

I feel that this years hump had a much more balanced feel, no one sexual orientation completely dominating the others. Hump 1 was that attack of the Lesbians, Hump 2 was a gay romp, and this year, a little on the gay side but straight and lesbians were still descently represented.

We don't have the 'Lauren Likes Candy' edit up, but there's the full shoot that it was edited down from on the Two Big Meanies pay-per-download site. There's also a short-but-free clip with one of the moments we used at http://www.twobigmeanies.com/blog/2007/02/08/ask-me-to-hit-you/ . You'll have to click through our legal page, but the link drops you right there after that. That blog entry links to the one for the full shoot. 'Pirate vs Ninja' from Hump! 1 is on the site, too. ^-^ (if you run across 'Quickie with Candy', it's NOT the same edit as 'Lauren Likes Candy', although it uses some of the same material)

We're ecstatic that it went over so well, we were terrified it'd be too intense and just frighten people. Thank you all very very very much!

I've never been to HUMP, but have an odd question for those who have gone (either this year or past years): what body types are represented in the films. Gay, straight, or bi porn: is there a variety of body types? Or are most of the folks thin, toned, and muscular?

One of my hesitations in even ATTEMPTING to obtain a ticket has been the assumption that the latter prevails, though I'd find it reassuring to hear that the former is instead the case.

All body types are represented, from skinny and conventionally attractive types to older folks, bigger folks, and hairier folks. And sofas, big and small.

That's awesome! I was the writer/director/editor/co-producer of Broken. This was my first time filming, and getting all of the ducks in a row was quite a challenge. Getting 2nd place definitely makes it worth it. Next time, hopefully I can get everything planned out a bit better, and maybe have a bit more time editing.

Congratulations to all of the other winners!

-Cole

37. WHERE ARE THE EASY CHAIRS, DAN? DO YOU HATE EASY CHAIRS?!

lololol

Just for the record, I have no beef with anyone. My favorite scene was cut, but Dan did trade several emails with me about it and we made the decision to cut it. Like I said, In the end it wouldn't have made any difference whether or not the scenes were included. The best film won for sure. Queer Safari got my vote. The Stranger did right by us 100%.

Vampire Strip Club got my Hardcore vote simply because that girl was so fine, but I can definitely see why Lauren Likes Candy won. She took such a beating that she deserved it :)

I had a blast at Hump and regret missing previous Humps! I really appreciated the variety of people/kinks/sexuality shown, even though I'm a straight girl.

And to the girl in 'Date with Ivar': OMG, you are totally hot.

@41 Thanks!

I think the max time limit for next year's HUMP should be lowered to 5 minutes. Not only would that allow more people to participate, but it would also quickly teach people how to edit their OWN films.

This 2 cents brought to you by the makers of AFP (1 min. 44 sec.)

The first year the time limit was 12 minutes. Then we made it eight. We may yet lower it to five, Pastey Boy.

Hi guys, this is Team Awkward Productions, who created Queer Safari. Thanks so much to everyone for their support! We were pretty nervous, but we figured that if you all got the poppers gag, you got the whole deal. And you did.

As far as editing goes, the original cut of Queer Safari was over 13 minutes long, and to celebrate our win, we will be screening the Director's Cut at a TBD party at Team Awkward's headquarters. If any of the other filmmakers are interested in attending, and maybe screening their film again, you should let us know at teamdotawkward(at)gmail.com.

Some fun facts about Queer Safari:

Both Mr. Gay Washington and Project Runway's Nick Verreos appeared in our film. Did you see them?

One of our actors turned out to be a Colt porn star. Hmm, I wonder which one.

The "nest" scene was filmed in a real place in Woodland Park, just like the bathroom scene. Other then shuffle some stuff around (with rubber gloves) we left it as is. The cum plastered stranger, and poopy condoms, and lube, and beer cans, and shitty toilet paper were all there before we arrived. In a lot of senses, this film was closer to documentary then people might think.

Yes, that cock is real. We don't want to tell the owner about the reaction, because he /really/ doesn't need the ego boost.

And as for the floppy dick comment, I would challenge YOU to keep your dick hard while that scene was being filmed. Especially as 10 of your closest friends are rolling around on the ground laughing right next to you.

Well, thats it for now! Thanks so much everyone!

PS> Zombie Tapioca Lovefest, we heart you.
PPS> Lauren Loves Candy made me cry. Literally.

THANKS TO EVERYONE THAT WAS FUN

BLACK & WHITE

@45: I hope that was a compliment and not an indication that I traumatized you.

To everyone who voted for us: thank you! Candy and I had a wonderful time filming that, and this is validation that a)it shows and b) that it matters.

Were the audiences really overwhelmingly straight? It would be interesting to ask that of the audience, from where we were sitting there seemed to be as many gay men as straight couples.

I have to say that I'm really surprised that Lauren likes Candy won, not that it wasn't a good film, but it really seemed to squick the audience quite a bit. It wasn't my favorite film (punching doesn't do it for me, now if she had been caned that would be another matter) but I'm glad to find out that the audience was really open-minded.

we enjoyed this year's hump but not nearly as much as last year. the BDSM/pain scene was disgusting, we're not even sure how that ugly scene was selected, much less that it even won. There wasn't enough straight sex in it either, it seemed like this year focused on grossing out the audience with simulated poo, gore and other gross stuff. Like someone said above...where was the porn?

Thanks Dan & Company for putting on a hell of a show!! I loved it even more than last year. Thanks for showing our film, Black & White, we had a fun time filming it!

Thanks to everyone who submitted entries. Kudos to Lauren & Candy... HOT!

Next year cut the max time to 5 minutes and everyone submit a film, its such a rush to be a porn star for a weekend!

hey Cole, my friends love your movie ! Is there anyway you can put it somewhere online ? I really want to see it...

Allen here from The Rise of the Machine and thethrillhammer. Wow, what an experience. So many amazing films. I was generally entertained from start to finish.

We were hesitant to turn in our little film as we only had about 12 hours to complete it. Getting 148 votes means more to me than my 2 previous AVN nominations for Best Solo Release. It has always creeped me out..Best Solo Release. Double Entendres always do.

Thank you Hump! Truly a class act. The descriptions of the films in your pull out section are truly exceptional prose. Apropos. A heartfelt thank you.

Thanks to all the film makers for doing what you do.

A wise man once told me there are certain people within many different populations that are "Born to Porn." This last weekend truly validated that for me. Seattle is "Born to Porn."

Rodney Moore here from Vampire Strip Club. This is the 3rd year I've entered HUMP with a short film. As some of you may know, I've been in the Porn Business for many years.

I was hesitant the first year to enter a film, even though my submission was shot in Seattle with local talent. Being a "pro," I felt it might be unfair to compete with "amateurs."

Hardly. All of the films the first year were extremely well done, and showed an impressive amount of creativity. In fact, I thought my entry was the most amateurish looking of the bunch.

Anyway, after the 3rd hump, I'm still impressed with the talent and creativity on display. Some of these filmmakers could give Porn Valley a real run for their money if they ever decided to pursue it. I too voted for Queer Safari, which was the well deserved winner.

It's unfortunate that the theater owners had to be "surprised" at how well mannered the porn crowd was. My make-up artists in LA who also do "mainstream work" for TV and movies say the porn girls are the nicest people they get to work with.

Anyway, Dan, this is a wonderful thing you're doing, I love your column, and I love getting to be a part of HUMP every year. I already can't wait till next year.

I can't include a link to the clip on here, because I have a policy of not showing hard core sex on my website without screening out minors. But you're welcome to visit the site, RodneyMoore.com

The only beef I have with the Stranger and Hump!, is the apparent inner circle of friends who were contacted and consulted about the editing done to their films - that Dan personally contacted the people he knew and was friends with or had social obligations to, but let fall to the wayside those first timers into Hump! He even told us that night that he knew the other three or four films that had significant cuts were contacted because he spoke to them and was friends with the filmmakers. It is an egregious mistake to take the time to contact some filmmakers you know, and delegate to half-wit interns to edit and "contact" the ones you don't have time for.

Mistakes were made. Yeah, trusting The Stranger with our film.

This whole experience pisses me off on so many levels. I'm a regular reader, commenter, troll and what have you here, and I love what you guys do. So I trust that you guys can do better than this. But you didn't. And so we won't be trusting you with our films in the future.

And y'all can say our film sucked, but you didn't see it. 15% of the "sex" scenes were cut. And it doesn't matter anyway. That's not my beef. If you can't understand why I'm angry, you never will.

I don't think Dan knew me from a block of wood or had any social obligations to me. The reason he emailed me was because I kept hounding him to see if our film was going to screen because several of our cast members didn't want to shell out for a ticket if we weren't going to be included. Finally, after a lot of prodding, he let me know that we were on the bubble and that they would include us if we cut some stuff. Dan doesn't invite me to his cocktail parties. We don't hang out :)

As a filmmaker I understand why you are a bit upset, but I think you should let it go. Water under the bridge at this point.

Yeah, I'm just venting. There's nothing that can be done about what was done, but one can hope that in the future such a sloppy mistake will not be allowed to happen. Being sucker punched hurts and I got to cry somewhere.

Correction- the biggest Dic* in the festival was in the Vampire bar movie not in Queer Safari! Although the QS dic* was lovely and big and shaved (and white no less) the anonymous dic* in the vampire bar film was DEFINATELY bigger... This coming from a queer 20 something size queen who knows EXACTLY what he's talking about...

I flew from Pittsburgh to attend HUMP (and to visit friends in Portland), and thought that I might have traveled the furthest, until I saw that someone flew in from Boston. I wonder how many people came from out of state?

I wanted to say, Lauren likes Candy was *amazing*, and incredibly touching. I have been talking about it ever since I got home. I particularly liked the way that the film contained a continuous consent dialog.

I also really liked A Date with Ivar, and agree with @41 that Missa is very hot. That film did a great job of building up a romantic relationship, and managed to incorporate humor and a *bobble head doll* into a piece that was still really sexy.

Also appreciated: Broken.

I agree with many commenters that many of the films were porn spoofs and not actual porn. It seems like HUMP is a great opportunity to make porn the way you want to see it, and the films that took that approach were really amazing, and made the whole trip worthwhile. A lot of the spoofs were great, but... there were a lot of spoofs. I suppose the people at The Stranger have to work with what they are given, however - so it is up to us to make more hot porn for next year!

On the subject of making porn the way we want to see it, I highly recommend the near-local film "Made in Secret: The Story of the East Van Porn Collective":
http://www.eastvanporncollective.org/

First off, every one of you preverts who submitted a movie absolutely rocks.

Secondly, I attend HUMP from San Francisco, so you other out-of-town whiners just aren't working hard enough. (Come to think of it, why isn't there one of these in my town?)

Thirdly, after the gays didn't bother submitting to HUMP 1 and the lesbians blew off HUMP 2, how could I have not seen it coming that straight sex would be in curiously short supply this year? I think the only demographic remaining to boycott next year is inanimate objects. We will have only our memories of furniture, salt shakers and potatoes to console us.

I chuckled a little at the irony of the Hardcore award going to a scene that did not, after all, feature any penetration, but I figure that most voters had to check it because it was just so impossibly fucking hot. I know that's why I voted for it.

Team Awkward: the idea of inviting other entrants to your "HUMP Lives!" directors' cut screening is beyond awesome.

Jason & Missa: did you submit "Cybersex" last year?

@59 yes, we did Cybersex last year and A Date with Ivar this year. And we plan on doing next years as well. We wanted to submit something for Hump 1 but had other plans that year.

I'm surprised someone other than Stranger staff recognized us from our first film. It was a good idea but our execution made it a forgettable film....couldn't read the web page, scenes were way too long, and I don't know how we thought that music was any good.

I admit I don't remember the music, but I thought the only fault worth mentioning in Cybersex was that the first half needed better lighting. You two together onscreen: adorable.

Right, and our lighting was crappy :) The music we wanted classic cheezy porn music. We found some with built in sound effects and we thought *bonus!* ...thinking back and watching it over again ....not a great idea, more mainstream music seems like a better choice if you don't want to include dialog which we didn't.

Next time, what about a "HOT" category to complement Humor and Hardcore?

Dan Savage is the "Brand" of The Stranger. If you can't get that through your thick goyish noggin then shut up. I'm glad Dan Savage and his crew edits these crappy porn videos. I didn't go to this even to see your movies, I went to see Dan Savage, and celebrate the wonderful community The Stranger has created in Seattle.

You should be honored that Dan Savage edited your movie, or showed it at all. He's a famous writer, director and talent.

Rodney, is the film on your site? I know a lot of people who would love to see it again.