Oh, and I read the print edition. Multiple times. Every week.

poe hearts issur, ask him.

Anna Nicole Smith's death, regardless of the fact that she was a gold-digging whore, was terrible news. At least she had some class. Now that she's dead, we're stuck with Paris, Lindsay and Britney. None of them have any class. They're all trash.

Paris had it all before her full name was even famous. Instead of enjoying all the money she had, she simply had to be famous and in front of the cameras. Cuz, ya know, that's what makes your life worthwhile. So she starts a shitty reality show with her alien-head friend Nicole (you could fucking calculate pi with the circumference of that bitches face), shows the world that she can act like a complete moron, followed by showing the world that she's actually a complete moron--BUT! Not only is she mentally retarded, she's smellier than the discharge of a leaking garbage can. She's selfish. She's spoiled. She's beyond vain. She isn't even 'hot'. Everything about Paris is repugnant. The only time I smiled when reading her name on a headline was when it was accompanied with an image of her stupid sobbing face in the back of a police car, takin' her rotten vag back to jail. Cunt.

Lindsay is just...boring. I don't think I've ever been interested, shocked, or even slightly intrigued by any piece of news regarding that freckle infested plunger-fix cornlog.

Britney's trailer trash. But she's not typical trailer trash, which is probably why she's still around. She'll be around even longer thanks to that flaming faggot *Chris Crocker. She had a loving mother, who still loves her, but she doesn't give a shit because she's ooooh! Fuckin' Britney Spears y'all!. Yeah. That's about where her 'not typical trailer trash' appearance ends. She's a terrible parent, she's probably fucked more dudes than me (maybe. Uh. Maybe.). Her obvious need for attention is so extreme that her crazy actions/behavior are either forgotten or placed in the back of the head for whenever a good joke can spring up or whenever somebody comes around to making fun of her no-hit-wonder ex, who has more of a place for jokes than she does, because making jokes about a joke isn't overkill--it's fucking lame. I won't even mention her bloodless (and stubbly) canyonesque crotch, because...oh wait, I just did. Whateves. In conclusion, Britney officially sucks at everything.

*I hate Chris Crocker more than I hate Paris, Lindsay, and Britney combined x1,000,000, for reasons I've already stated, and about ten (or so) more that I would link if the Stranger didn't prohibit more than two links.

Oh how we miss you, ANS. If your next life has yet to be queefed out in a disgusting splash, please, hurry. Sigh.

In the rural Midwest, this would likely have been the result of a thresher or combine accident on the family farm. Here in Seattle, I'm guessing it was the result of a Kucinich supporter grabbing at the poor young man for change on Broadway.

A powerful photo of the what happens when politics and medical science collide.