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Friday, September 28, 2007

Wanna Help Make Sure My Son is Straight When He Grows Up?

posted by on September 28 at 16:44 PM

My son DJ, who has two gay dads, wants to go to Qwest Field to watch the Seahawks play the Chicago Bears later this fall. Neither of his gay dads are remotely interested in going to Qwest Field. I figure DJ wouldn’t sit through Beauty and the Beast with me at the Paramount so I’m not obligated to freeze my ass off at a football game.

My son’s Uncle Billy, however, wants to take his nephew to the game. Uncle Billy is willing to fly to Seattle from Chicago to take his nephew to see the Bears play the Seahawks. Because he wants to help make sure DJ is straight when he grows up.

All they need are tickets.

Uh… does anyone know how you get tickets to a Seahawks game? From what I understand, every Seahawks game from now until musical theater finally triumphs over organized sports is sold out. From what I’ve been lead to believe, it’s impossible to get tickets to see the Seahawks. Is that true? Does anyone know how to get tickets? Does anyone have tickets they wanna sell?

And, yes, I realize that this is an abuse of Slog. Please direct all complaints to the Stranger’s editorial director.

RSS icon Comments


craigslist, stubhub, or ebay

Posted by rob | September 28, 2007 4:48 PM

also dan, aren't you a baseball fan? is it football in general you don't like and if so, why?

Posted by rob | September 28, 2007 4:49 PM

Baseball: The game is played in summer (when it's nice out), people cheer when something happens (they don't just scream their heads off the whole time), and when nothing's happening you can chat. Also, baseball is not so militaristic -- and, I don't know, tedious.

Posted by Dan Savage | September 28, 2007 4:55 PM

I think you have to suck off a scalper or something. Or maybe just give him money. Sucking off might be more though.

Posted by Providence | September 28, 2007 4:58 PM

One more thing about baseball v. football you forgot Dan:
Baseball: normally proportioned guys, often good looking, playing around in their jammies.
Football: freaky mutants doing violent things dressing in body armor, rarely good looking (with the obvious exception of Tom Brady, but who can tell under the pads?!)

Posted by Providence | September 28, 2007 5:02 PM

Dan, does Uncle Billy really think that taking your son to a place where men run around in incredibly tight pants, pat each other on the ass, and shower together will help him turn out straight?

Posted by Gitai | September 28, 2007 5:07 PM

thanks for the explanation. the summertime and chatting aspects make sense. though i think it could be argued that baseball is as tedious as football, if not more so.

futhermore, i'm not questioning your parenting skills as i think you're a very smart and logical person, but shit, i'd probably do about anything my kid would want to do (within reason). at the same time, many things my parents made me do (such as theatre) when i was young, i didn't really learn to appreciate until i was a bit older... but now i'm glad they did make me do them.

Posted by rob | September 28, 2007 5:07 PM

Dan - you guest on Goldy's KIRO 710 show regularly right? They're the home of the Seahawks and I'll bet they've got tix. Hit someone up over there.

Posted by Travis | September 28, 2007 5:15 PM

Tell him to catch the team at Husky Stadium instead ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | September 28, 2007 5:16 PM

Why is everyone on Slog so retardedly anti-football? Jeebus people!

Posted by Jonah S | September 28, 2007 5:18 PM

So DJ, who is your favorite Seahawk?

The tight end, or the wide receiver?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | September 28, 2007 5:20 PM

Tickets on StubHub start around $79 ($90 if they actually want to sit together.)

Disclosure: I work for StubHub's sister company, PayPal.

Posted by Derek | September 28, 2007 5:26 PM

Wait, are you the Stranger's editorial director?.....

Posted by Scottie | September 28, 2007 5:29 PM

One thing to keep in mind ... The Mariners play 81 home games per season, and the Seahawks play 8.

Consequently, football tickets are hella expensive compared to baseball. Especially for the Bears game (it'll be kinda like when the Yankees are in town, except it only happens once every two years, if that).

Posted by Mahtli69 | September 28, 2007 5:34 PM

Did Dan just try to say that baseball is NOT tedious? I can deal with someone not liking football, but don't make-up such obviously laughable posts to try to make your point. On the tedium scale, watching baseball is somewhere between watching golf and sitting in the DMV for an hour.

Posted by Collin | September 28, 2007 5:35 PM

@10 - anti-football? Um, dude, Husky Stadium has football.

Real football.


Posted by Will in Seattle | September 28, 2007 5:43 PM

@10 Four years of high school marching band.

Posted by Gitai | September 28, 2007 6:02 PM

I go to MLB games alot and am a total flamer I guess you could say. I am also, however, a sports fan too. I hope that when he flies all the way out to do this, he ends up having seats right next to someone just like me, What an idiot. Then he will see what real life is about and that sports does not equal straight OR gay but rather, fun.
I can't believe no one is blinking an eye because you are only concerned about finding tickets to a dumb game to perpetuate the ignorant belief that gay "happens" according to your upbringing and surroundings. I think you should be more concerned about yourselves instead of trying to create a clone in your imperfect likeness. What a bunch of ball tossers.

Posted by Portia | September 28, 2007 6:42 PM

I'll second the stubhub rec. I have used them a couple times for tickets and they are quite nice.

Posted by giffy | September 28, 2007 7:01 PM


Baseball players normally proportioned? They're all grotesque arms. Give me a soccer player any day of the week...I heard some rumor there's going to be an MLS team in Seattle come 2009. Now that's a sport to ogle.

Posted by Abby | September 28, 2007 7:03 PM

10. A lot of these Slog readers are anti pro-sports, mainly because of that whole 'county using public money to build stadiums' and 'players paid millions' thing.

I'm a sports fan, though.

Posted by Gomez | September 28, 2007 7:18 PM

Another difference between baseball and football players are body types. Generally, Basebbll players tend to be leaner and more, uh, lithe, for more of a range of smooth, yet explosive agility, while football players tend to be more compact and wound tight with muscle to they can hit and be hit at full speed without getting smacked apart. Look at soccer and you'll see what the type that succeeds tends to be.

I guess you could say the the road to the pros in any sport tends to select for the most ideal body type.

Oh! Yep, Ebay. You'll pay through the schnoz, but get 'em good seats; your brother's coming all the way to town to take your kid to the game! Hook 'em up. The longer you wait, the higher the prices go.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | September 28, 2007 7:21 PM

Dont do scalpers. Dont do EVAy. me and my son always show up day of game and there is always somebody selling 1 or 2 tickets at face value. There is always somebody who can not make the game and has to get rid of the tickets and they dont want to do it on ebay. As a previous scalper ( in Philly) what we use to do is have a sign that said I need tickets, you buy the face value tickets and re sell them ( duh) so your son and chicago fan just go to Qwest and hold out two fingers when somebody goes up just ask em - face value? and bingo. I always get in. ALWAYS. even in the playoffs. Dont listen to these fools, they dont go to the stadium. There. Thats my good deed. Also make sure you sign your son up for football in the Rainier Valley for the Eagles. THatll toughen him up a wee so he is ready for high school football.

Posted by SeMe | September 28, 2007 8:11 PM

Yeah. I'd recommend a Google search for "seahawks tickets". I've never had a problem finding tix.

That and all the "don't do [insert sports] do [other sport]" lame.

Posted by football in seattle | September 28, 2007 8:16 PM

Theater vs. Theatre? Can't you interest him in the two cleaner, more beautiful sports, soccer and baseball?

Still, this is damn cute. Please don't ever let your son try American football, or circumcision.

Posted by Amelia | September 28, 2007 10:00 PM

I just so happen to have a pair of bears/hawks tickets. and rams/hawks tix, confidential to mike in mo.

and i plan on enjoying both games.

good luck with griese, asshole!

Posted by 12 | September 28, 2007 10:27 PM

Posted by Andrew | September 29, 2007 12:59 AM

Just be outside the ballpark and wait for someone to want to sell their tickets (even for face value). They are out there.I've never had a problem getting tickets at face value at U of Michigan football or Detroit Tigers Baseball. Heck, sometimes I've bought them for less than face value. You probably have just as good a chance (probably about 90%) of getting a fairly priced ticket as you are of having a heterosexual son.

Posted by lawrence clark | September 29, 2007 2:07 AM

I agree with #8 - if you've got those kinds of connections, use them.

Think you ought to reconsider going to the game yourself, though. In the great scheme of things, giving up 3 or 4 hours of your life to give your son a day he'll always remember seems like a pretty easy decision to me.

Posted by Fifty-Two Eighty | September 29, 2007 11:09 AM

"I figure DJ wouldn’t sit through Beauty and the Beast with me at the Paramount so I’m not obligated to freeze my ass off at a football game."

Dan, please tell me you don't mean this. Please tell me Billy is a great guy and he and DJ have a great time whenever he's in town, so you think DJ would have a great time with him at the game.

Because otherwise- this is the first thing you've ever written that makes me question your judgement as a parent. And your worth as a human being, honestly.

Posted by Big Sven | September 29, 2007 12:47 PM

@30 - kinda right there with "walking my son's dog". just an odd sort of way to talk about your child.

Posted by momster | September 29, 2007 5:17 PM

Whatever means you use to get tickets, spend the dough to sit them downstairs. A low, 50 yard line seat will be memorable for your kid and your brother. Check the weather and make sure they're wearing their layers and their slickers.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | September 29, 2007 8:02 PM

Um...may I introduce several of you to Dan Savage? He's funny. Generally speaks flippantly, but lovingly, about his relationship with his son and husband (and everyone else he's close to for that matter). For details, see his published works.

Dan, I'd like to introduce you to Sven, Eighty, momster and a couple others upthread. They have no sense of humor. Happy to allow you to make acquaintance.

For the on topic record--I agree with the stubhub and "outside the stadium" recommendations. And if its ever Michigan Football DJ's after, I have even better suggestions. However, given that both guys I've taken on dates to Michigan football games later came out, I can't guarantee that such viewing would ensure DJ's life as a hetero...

Posted by WolverineSax | September 29, 2007 8:10 PM

WolverineSax, no offense but I *asked* Dan (not you) if he was being serious or not. Let him speak for himself.

Dan knows that I've defended his views as a parent (on issues such as DJ's private schooling) *dozens* of times on the Slog. But this one doesn't sound right.

Posted by Big Sven | September 29, 2007 9:59 PM

Your son must be proud.

Posted by Editor's note | September 29, 2007 11:35 PM

lead != led

Posted by A Non Imus | September 30, 2007 1:30 AM


Posted by Kristin Bell | September 30, 2007 6:01 AM

You should be going with him to the game yourself. It will be even more meaningful because he'll know you did it even though you don't like it. And who knows? It might make him more willing to go to a show with you later on, thus broadening his horizons and helping him get the chicks later on, should he prove, ultimately, to end up straight when he's older.

Posted by Maquooq | September 30, 2007 6:29 AM

Dan, that post made for some great entertainment in the comments. Thank you!

Posted by Maggie | September 30, 2007 8:03 AM
From what I understand, every Seahawks game from now until musical theater finally triumphs over organized sports is sold out.

My God that will be a wonderful day when it finally comes.

Posted by wile_e_quixote | September 30, 2007 10:10 PM

Dj should go with his uncle. He will have much more fun if he is with someone who will be enjoying himself and and can explain the game. Children can have plenty of fun w/o parents and its way more fun to watch football live when you either know the game really well (doubtful that DJ does) or are with someone that does.

Posted by russianspy | September 30, 2007 10:43 PM

kinda right there with "walking my son's dog".

Perhaps you are unfamiliar with dogs, but many (if not most) dogs are "one-person" dogs, who are psychologically dependent on a single person. If a child is the primary care provider for the dog, such a dog will usually create a safety/security/care bond with that child that excludes - to a greater or lesser degree - other members of the family.

It's wrong in fact (and unfair to dogs) to impose human kinship and relationship patterns on dogs.

Posted by Tybalt | October 1, 2007 6:38 AM

Will in Seattle:

By "real football" you mean a second-tier Pac-10 team that repeatedly disappoints despite bringing in cash hand over fist? That has a roster full of non-student athletes driving Escalades while seldom attending class? A program that has to claim two mythical "national championships" in more than 50 years because it's seldom in contention for the real thing?

Yeah, that's "real football." Give me pro football any day. At least there nobody pretends to be amateurs.

Posted by bigyaz | October 1, 2007 10:15 AM

Anyone who tries to profile body types in football are bunch of jackasses. One of the things that's kind of fascinating about football are the MANY types of body types that it takes to run a football squad. The great running backs currently are squirly hard to grab guys under six feet, the great recievers are often long and lanky and potential basketball players. While you're all around fat asses are still on the offensive front line, your defensive front have to be a bit leaner these days. Defensive backs are surprisingly smaller, you would rather have quickness over size.

It's kind of like rugby, it takes all kind of builds. Maybe it is a little militaristic, but there is all sorts of strategy ... in order to be good, there are all sorts of subtle stratagy things that you have to look for.

Still, Dan has every right to not like football. I think baseball is boring as all hell (accept when the yankees lose). I think baseball movies are even worse. (I think football movies might even be worse than baseball movies!!! holy crap) But I don't keep up with stats, running averages, and there are too many worthless games to keep track of or keep my attention. I would like hockey more except for that same exact problem. Being from Southern CT, I root for the red sox over the yankess over the mets ... and I can't STAND yankess fans ....

Good luck getting your kid tickets though. He'll have the time of his life!

Posted by OR Matt | October 1, 2007 12:28 PM

huskies are much more exciting, cheaper, and still available.

Posted by Jiberish | October 1, 2007 3:04 PM

Honestly ... can someone tell me why U W for all the money they POUR into that football program, they just aren't that good?

Posted by OR Matt | October 1, 2007 5:05 PM

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