Celeb Tom Cruise is Acting EXACTLY Like Tom Cruise!
posted by on September 28 at 16:09 PM
It has just been reported by a source so sourcey that I barely dare source it that one certain Mr. Tom Cruise, Alien Queen of Scientological Fembot Brides, is at this very moment building a completely sane ALIEN PROOF BUNKER somewhere in Colorado to protect his brood from the apparently very, very likely alien attack. Or thinks he is.
According to American magazine Star, a source said: “Tom is planning to build a US$10 million bunker under his Telluride estate.” “It’s a self-contained underground shelter with a high tech air purifying shelter.” The facility is said to have enough room for ten people - including wife Katie Holmes, 17-month-old daughter Suri and his adopted children Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.When asked about the project, and if he really feared impending alien invasion, Mr. Cruise responded, “Eeeep, oooop, BIRDS! BIRDS! Can’t you seem them? In my soup!”
There actually was no soup to speak of, so the soup was logically unable to comment on the invisable soup birds.
Bring it ON, alien bitches!
BEEP!
(Thank you for pointing this out, POE.)
I thought Tom Cruise was down with Xenu. He's an alien, right? Right?
Oh wait. All of this is completely insane.
No problem whatsoever.
Cruise has yet to comment on whether or not there will be a closet in his bunker. Although, that answer is pretty obvious.
I don't see what the problem is. If I had the means, I would TOTALLY build a compound/fallout shelter. This day and age, you never know when the zombies are gonna attack. You go, Cruiser, you go!
It scares me that someone with that much money is that batshit crazy.
He's like every Bond villian rolled into one just waiting to happen.
But what would his bond villian name be? And what would Katie's villian name be?
pussy galore and katie holmes.
Gah. Tom Cruise. He's totally been brainwashed by Scientology. He totally needs to be de-programmed. It is sad really except that he seems like such an ass.
ROFL @ Adrian! (!!!)
That's hysterical!
*faints!*
Tom Cruise has to be completely insane. We can obviously deduce from the travesty he calls "acting" (which is really just Tom Cruise playing Tom Cruise with different words) that this can't be an act because it's done so well!!!
By the way, actors playing themselves seem to be a horrid trend in Hollywood. Keanu Reeves is always the dumb surfer guy...even if he's playing smart lawyer guy. He has to be the most blatant but there are countless instances. At least John Wayne stuck to a character archetype so it fit instead of trying to play the lighthearted, fun, slightly misunderstood, romantic comedy sidekcik...
This post made me snort my mountain dew up my nose.
I'm still laughing (in particular everytime I read the end "BEEP!") and I'm sure the people in my dept officially think I'm nuts.
Thank you Adrian for making my day less boring.
@11 Yes, Adrian seems to rock! :)
The goy have their pathetic Scientology, Christianity, and Islam to fill their minds with lies and fairy tales. It wouldn't matter if they didn't try to force these cults on others.
Judaism is a true religion, its stories are true and the Jewish people have suffered because of that truth. I'm glad The Stranger has the balls to attack these idiot religious cults, I hope the goyim get the message, "your religion is all lies!"
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