Comments on Savage Love Letter of the Day

Don't you ever find your bullshit detector going off when you read a letter like this? Surely you must get no small number of letters from bored pranksters.

First thought was that it's a fake. However, remember that scene in American Movie where Mark talks about having to clean up after somebody's kid who'd "shat on the wall", and the floor, and all the hell else?

Maybe it wasn't a "kid", after all?

That's just fucking nasty.

If I ruled out all merely improbable questions, tsm, my column consist of nothing but questions about giving head and whether this or that woman's boyfriend or husband is gay. I have to entertain the improbable letters. Entirely implausible letters go in the trash.

I have no words, Dan, no words at all. Well, except, maybe just, wow. Wow.

I agree with tsm, I think it's a fake. Not because of the acts--I bet someone, somewhere is doing all this. But not this guy. The language is off. Especially the last paragraph, it's acting, it's what he thinks he's supposed to write. Also, the letter's layed out too perfectly: I'm a perfectly normal guy (even "attends church regularly"!), but wait, I've got a stash of porn, oh yeah, and I'm turned on by my own shit, but hang on, sometimes I smear my shit on bathroom walls! It's too cut and dry. It's what some bored guy sitting in front of his computer would write to try and disgust everyone.

Unicorn chaser anyone? 'Cause my brain is sick after that.

That's well beyond fetish and well into the realm of paraphilia. Repression breeds paraphilias.

There's just too much in this letter. I could believe smaller combinations of some of the items (i.e. church-goer with porn habit, or happily married and jerking off in public bathrooms, or even perhaps covering stall walls with shit and living in L.A.), but all together it just doesn't seem plausible.

hmmm maybe it's bull shit. Since when do church goers read your columnn? Still, it's your job.

I'm with Jaime-Leigh on this one... Wow, just wow...

Wow, this guy could've taken down Craig AND Vitter at the same time.

Unbelievable. I'd say give points for originality.

I manage leased office space. I get calls about problems in bathrooms. A common call is poop smeared in stalls. It is never in the women's room, always the men's room.

Now I know why.

This jerk should remember that someone has to scrape that crap off the walls. Maybe that is the kick? If that is the case he is making unwilling partners of the people who have to clean it up.

yeah, dudes smear their shit all over the bathrooms at an unnamed park i work at.

gross.

in the early 90s i managed an upscale coffee shop in downtown seattle. about every two weeks, the last stall in the women's bathroom would be smeared with shit, and there would be shit artfully piled on the floor, decorated with napkins, toothpicks, coffee straws and in one memorable case, a bunch of tiny american flags. it was all very intentional ... and bizarre. my co-workers and i took to referring to whoever was doing this as "the mad shitter". we even made a chart of our regular customers and tracked who had been in the shop when the shit smeared stall was discovered. we never fully narrowed it down, but our two main suspects were these two rich, bellevue-housewife types, who patronized the super expensive salon upstairs. it was weird to think how crazy one (or maybe both) of those seemingly normal woman were. and it was totally fucking disgusting to have to clean up a shit-smeared bathroom stall.

Anyone who's ever had the unenviable task of cleaning public toilet stalls will tell you that this is not at all uncommon, whether it's in high schools, office buildings, fancy department stores, or the public library. There are some people who seem to still be stuck in the feces-flinging stage of toilet training. What's even more disgusting is to talk to people who work retail in clothing stores, all of whom have tales of customers who SHIT in the DRESSING ROOMS. And some of them decorate it and dress it up as per the Mad Shitter of #16.

People are infinitely fucked-up.

I think Chris @ 16 wins. Or loses. I'm not totally sure.

As a wheelchair user, I always need to use the accessible stall. Often I wait forever because someone who wants more space for whatever reason (kids, clothes changing, vomiting, wide stance, etc.) is using that stall even though others are empty. When people need it and are reasonably speedy, I don't mind. However, the thought of some masturbator who probably takes forever and then smears shit on the walls (which I need to lean on to transfer to the commode) makes me completely freakin' crazy.

And p.s. (not quite on topic) I hate it when THAT is the one clogged toilet and THAT is the one stall with no T.P. And I hate it when people emerge from that stall after taking forever and then see me & feel guilty, so they not-really-apologize by telling me that they never see people in wheelchairs using that bathroom or some such thing. Well, I frequently see assholes using the toilet, that's all I have to say.

This is still fucking nasty. Regardless of whether or not it's fake.

When I was 16 I worked at Edwards Cinema 21 in Boise, ID. Some chick apparently walked into the Men's restroom, took off her panties, and dumped her ass right in a sink. I didn't have to clean it up, but I saw it. Jesus. And we had like four guys who were standing in the urinals who were just as confused.

+ she left her panties on the floor. So, if it weren't for the smooth storytelling, this isn't a far-fetched letter.

*I saw the aftermath. I didn't see her actually dumping her ass. But it was pretty gross, anyway. I thought you chicks like, uh, shitted flowers or something. You don't. Fuck.

I am not gay, I never have been gay. I love my shit very much.

disgusting, I almost lost my lunch. He lives in L.A.!

I once worked for a chain of department stores named Media Play (they also were partnered with Suncoast Video and Sam Goodys at the time; Mediaplay now no longer exists) and one day, one of my regulars, who I thought (up to this point) was an okay guy, shit all over the walls and and floor in the Men's bathroom.

What makes it worse is when he came out of the restroom he still had shit running down his leg. Though, he did report the incident to the manager (who loved me and wouldn't make me clean the restroom. God love Lesbians!), as if he didn't do it. The next time he came in, one of the employees followed him into the bathroom and stood in the stall next to his to see if he would do it again. He didn't, but then there was the shit crazy hippie that came after him. Go Figure.

"The sound and smell of it excites me even more (I am definitely not gay)" I'm surprised Dan did not comment on this statement. It makes a phantom connection between liking poop and being gay. I hate the smell of poop (I am definetely not str8) There, ALL str8 people like the smell of poop.

I think the biggest tip off is really that he doesn't have a question. There is no real point to his letter other than bragging about his disgusting behavior. His question, "Should I talk to someone?" definitely doesn't sound genuine and seems more of an afterthought.

"Real" letters seem to ask how harmful his behavior could be or better ways to explore his fetish without harming others. He neither regrets leading his double life nor apologizes for his behavior.

when I was in highshool 2 younger girls smeared used tampons all over a bathroom.
Also the house president at my all girl dorm used to come back after a night out, drunk, shit in the middle of the bathroom floor, and then apparantly forget all about it

In a gay steambath here in Sydney one night there was an enraged announcement on the PA system. It seems someone was shitting in the dark corners. Apparently it had happened before, but not regularly. Over the years I have found the occasional toilet stall that was ... "caked" might do as a description, and I have wondered whether the cause was medical or mental. Reading this thread I realise I have the answer. That guy needs a shrink, cause if I had to clean up after him, he would need a hospital.

Great.
Anyone notice he talks about doing all that in a handicapped stall in a public bathroom? Talk about adding insult to injury...
But as my troll-dar goes into the red zone with this letter, I hope it's nothing more than a bored white-collar worker who should be taught that you should not write such things in your cubicle.

Everyone in the "Dan, don't you evaluate the plausibility of the letter" camp: I read other, much more tame advice columns, and they too get letters from people who have difficulty believing the letters that are published. Some even accuse the columnist of making it all up. And this is just plain-vanilla stuff like affairs and mooning over exes and such.

You're totally right. It could be fake. But I'll bet you this: for every fake letter that may wind up in some advice column somewhere, there's someone who actually fits the situation described in the fake letter and could use the advice anyway.

People are weird. Very, very weird, and there's what, more than 6 billion of us now? Don't you think some of them get into odd, hard-to-believe situations?

/end rant

No need to rant ;)

I too, while skeptical think the letter might just be real. At the very least its entertaining, not just for the weird shock factor but also for the chance to dissect a letter for clues as to its authenticity.

yes my life can be that dull -_-

During a feminine hygiene "emergency" many decades ago, I once had to use a toilet in an isolated gas station. The young male attendant kind of looked funny when I asked him for the key to the restroom, but I was too harried to pay attention.

The bathroom - which was unisex and quite large (it was an old station), was totally smeared with feces from top to bottom. Everything was covered. Hard to believe any single person could produce that much crap in one go, but then I'm a small woman.

Luckily, the hygiene I needed to attend to meant I could stand in a bare spot in the middle of the floor and not use the facilities. I think I held my breath as much as possible. Needless to say, I did not wash my hands in the shit-smeared sink.

Understandably I got an even weirder look from the guy when I handed the key back without a word. What was there to say?

From appearances I always assumed the "shit storm" was done out of drunken/drug frenzy or retaliation rather than fetish.