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Archives for 09/23/2007 - 09/29/2007

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Going Sort Of Fast on Soapbox Derby Racers in Fremont

posted by on September 29 at 10:29 PM

Two Men Ride The Pickle

I’m not exactly sure why today’s Red Bull Soap Box Derby didn’t get a single mention in the print or online versions of the rag this week—perhaps Dan Savage prefers his energy sipping in the form of Bawls?

In spite of annoying announcers who made Jamie Kennedy seem like James Bond, the show wasn’t half-bad. Watching adults crash soap box carts down Fremont Avenue was better than sitting at a parade, at least. And how many parades has Sir Mix-A-Lot served as a judge? (The closest he got to a rhyme was while giving the Alaska Airlines cart the lowest score of the day—“Just like Alaska. Always leaving late and leaving my luggage at the gate.” He didn’t get to use the mic much more after that sponsor slam…shame.)

Trollin' Down

The Seattle-inspired cart designs happened to be the most amusing of the bunch, such as the product-whoring troll (above) and the freakish ferry-meets-Space-Needle (below).

Red Bull-evators

When the latter vehicle crashed, the driver hopped out in his tighty-whities…I snapped a shot, only to notice one crowd member’s look of glee/horror just as I was writing this. Enjoy the zoom below.

Victory
Hey Now!

Darren D. Misklashuvacis Responds (And Then Some)

posted by on September 29 at 5:53 PM

Yesterday, Seattle’s Darren D. Misklashuvacis entered the Psychotic Homophobe Hall of Fame by sending a gay-bashing rant par excellence to Last Days.

Today Darren responds to the hubbub in Slog comments:

Hey to you pricks above- BITE ME ASSHOLES.

My name is not in the records because I don’t want to be bothered by queers and other jagoffs.I assure you MFs I am REAL and you can all get AIDS and die!!!

Misklashuvacis is a traditional Ukrainian-Lithuanian name spelled in a Latvian style. My family is well known in that part of the world before some guy came over here never knowing it was overrun with faggots. You lay the fuck off my name and I DARE YOU to say anything about Latvians! You jackasses are fucking with the wrong dude, so keep your stupid pathetic GAY comments to your GAY selves. It’s Friday- shouldn’t you fucks be all trying to get laid in the alley behind my condo? Fucking perverts.

Fascinating. But, uh, what should one make of this?

(Thanks to CL-cruising Slog tipper Ron.)

Going Fast on Bikes in Snow

posted by on September 29 at 12:12 PM

world_record4a.jpg

A 33-year-old Austrian dude got on his mountain bike in the Andes, in the snow, and then his crazy ass went 130.7 MPH down the mountain, breaking the world speed record.

No one knows how, but apparently he did eventually stop. Here’s some video of this lunatic:

Thank God he was wearing a helmet.

Today The Stranger Suggests

posted by on September 29 at 11:00 AM

Art

‘Tantrums’ at Crawl Space Gallery

Pittsburgh artist Michelle Fried has been locked inside Crawl Space for a week making art, and tonight she opens the doors. Her video, sculpture, and sound work reinvents her own biography from ages 8 to 18, using such cultural landmarks as DJ Tanner, Kurt Cobain, Marshall Applewhite, and Igrid Bayer (Escambia High School’s Homecoming Queen). It’s the first-ever “Studio Intensive Residency Exhibition” at the gallery. (Crawl Space Gallery, 504 E Denny Way #1, 201-2441. 6–9 pm, free.)

JEN GRAVES

Music

Numbers, Intelligence, Partman Parthorse, Flexions at Sunset Tavern

Four bands, zero filler. The highlight is Numbers, from San Francisco, who play slow-churning, sun-soaked synthedelic pop and have a new album, Now You Are This, on Kill Rock Stars. But the local support is just as impressive, from the sneering postpunk spite of Partman Parthorse to the lo-fi fuzz assault of the Intelligence to the no-wave death dub of Flexions, featuring the outré guitar skills of Devin Welch (of Blood Brothers/Chromatics/Shoplifting renown). All killer. (Sunset Tavern, 5433 Ballard Ave NW, 784-4880. 9 pm, $8, 21+.)

ERIC GRANDY
  • More Stranger Suggests for this week »

  • Friday, September 28, 2007

    Rumor: Business PAC Will Spend Tens of Thousands to Promote Velazquez

    posted by on September 28 at 6:15 PM

    Rumor is that Forward Seattle, a PAC that formed earlier this year to advocate for lower taxes and an improved climate for business in Seattle, plans to pour most or all of its substantial war chest (currently more than $100,000) into the campaign of City Council candidate Venus Velazquez. The group formed after the mayor’s transportation tax package passed last year.

    Public-affairs consultant Don Stark, who co-founded Forward Seattle with another consultant, Joe Quintana, wouldn’t say what the group’s plans were for its money. He suggested calling Quintana, adding, “but I doubt he’ll tell you either.” (I left a message for Quintana). However, given that the Velazquez-Harrell race is pretty much the only game in town this year (all the incumbents running for reelection are expected to win), a big expenditure on Velazquez’s behalf seems almost certain. That’s got to be good news to Velazquez, who was $30,000 in the red at the end of August, the last time campaigns were required to report their financial info.

    There’s another reason to suspect Forward Seattle is about to bail out the Velazquez campaign: Both she and her consultant, Moxie Media’s Lisa MacLean, both say they haven’t heard from any of Forward Seattle’s members in weeks. Election rules stipulate that PACs can make unlimited expenditures to promote or pan a candidate or cause, as long as they don’t do so in collusion or collaboration with the candidate.(If they do, they’re limited to the $700 contribution cap that applies to other contributors). In other words, it would be illegal for Forward Seattle to talk to Velazquez about their plans. “I don’t know what they’re doing; they haven’t talked to me, and they’re not telling me anything,” Velazquez says. “All of a sudden Joe Quintana won’t return my calls. Is that a sign they’re going to do something? Maybe.” MacLean laughed when I asked if she knew what Forward Seattle had planned, saying bluntly: “No. That would be illegal.” PACs are relatively uncommon at the city level; a staffer for the Ethics and Elections Commission said that the only two she could remember were Sidran Truth Squad, which opposed Mark Sidran; and BRIBE, the Stranger’s anti-Jean Godden PAC. (Hey, we were young.)

    Harrell says he suspects Velazquez and Forward Seattle have communicated, noting that many of Forward Seattle’s contributors —Stark, Clise Properties, Mark Barbieri—also contributed to Velazquez. Harrell says the group’s support for his opponent shows who the real corporate candidate is. And Forward Seattle’s list of contributors—who also include Martin Selig, Vulcan, and two builders’ PACs—does read like a who’s-who of the local business establishment. “Yes, I have a business background, but they can’t buy me, and that’s why they’re launching this” campaign, Harrell says. (Harrell is a lawyer; Velazquez is a public-affairs consultant.) “The voters need to know if she has completely sold her soul.” Velazquez doesn’t shy away from her pro-business reputation (and Harrell was endorsed by the Alki Foundation, the Seattle Chamber’s political arm); she says if Forward Seattle does want to throw money her way, she’ll gladly take it. “They want to spend money in a Seattle race,” Velazquez says. “If you find out what they’re planning to do with it, let me know.”

    The Fight Over Casa Latina: Now in Legalese!

    posted by on September 28 at 6:09 PM

    Who wants to read the bitchy letter Judicial Watch sent the city over Casa Latina?

    Well, here it is anyway, abridged with emphasis added:

    We understand the City of Seattle has financially supported the operations of a non-profit organization involved in subsidizing and promoting criminal activity and has expended approximately $250,000 in citizen taxpayer funds in an award to the same non-profit organization for the purchase of the property at 17th Avenue South and South Jackson Street.

    It cannot be reasonably disputed that users of day laborer facilities include undocumented workers. Studies conducted around the nation have confirmed that day laborers are predominantly persons not legally present or authorized to work in the United States. For example, a UCLA/University of Illinois nationwide survey of 2,260 day laborers, conducted in 2004 and published in January 2006, concluded that 75 percent of day laborers are undocumented.

    We are aware of no reason to believe that day laborers in Seattle would be dissimilar from those in these other jurisdictions or different from the statistics cited in these studies. Thus it appears very likely the facility in Belltown is used by undocumented workers and employers of undocumented workers for illegal activities, namely the employment of undocumented workers. Likewise, the proposed Central District facility appears to be established, organized and funded for the express purpose of undocumented workers and employers of undocumented workers to engage in illegal activities, namely the employment of undocumented workers.

    Federal law expressly prohibits the recruiting or hiring of an alien if it is known that the alien is not authorized to work in the United States. In addition, it is unlawful to hire any individual for employment in the United States without complying with federal employment eligibility verification requirements.

    Certainly, facilitating the illegal employment of undocumented aliens, as is currently conducted under the auspices of the City and is further contemplated by the proposed Central District plan, may be deemed as encouraging or inducing an alien to come to, enter, or reside in the United States, or at a minimum, aiding and abetting such conduct.

    It is our understanding that the City does not require screening of day laborers to determine, whether, in fact, they are eligible to work in the United States. We are concerned that [this is] a direct violation of federal law, as they assist…and encourage violation of federal law.

    For the City to use taxpayer resources in this manner is akin to a city operating its own “red light” district or illegal drug market. While the intentions behind the proposed facility may be well meaning, the establishment and operation of the proposed facility is not a proper use of taxpayer resources.

    Kindly confirm that you will cease immediately expending citizen taxpayer dollars and resources for day labor sites and non profit organizations that promote criminal activity in violation of federal immigration law.

    Up your nose with a rubber hose, says the City. (Also abridged with emphasis added)

    The City rejects your demand. Your allegations are based neither in fact nor in law.

    The Facts: Casa Latina is a non-profit, community organization that provides essential services to lower income Seattleites without regard to their race or national origin. Those services include finding permanent housing for homeless individuals, facilitating access to social and health services, offering English as a Second Language classes for all ages offering citizenship and work skills classes, partnering with the King County Bar Association to assist temporary workers to claim unpaid wages, and providing a clearing house for day laborers.

    Judicial Watch charges Seattle, and by implication all other governments and corporations that fund Casa Latina, with violating federal immigration law based on nothing more than your unsubstantiated presumption that Casa Latina’s Latino clients are illegal aliens. If you had bothered to inquire, you would have discovered that Casa Latina requires identification documents from its clients in the day laborer program.

    Your references to unnamed surveys conducted elsewhere purporting to document that a high percentage of day laborers are illegal only serves to prove that Judicial Watch’ thinly-veiled campaign of press releases, scare tactics, and threats of frivolous lawsuits are based neither on accurate facts nor applicable law.

    Your efforts to bully the City into withdrawing financial support…will not work. Your asserted case is merit less.

    We expect you to cease immediately your threats of frivolous litigation and any furter attempts to interfere with Casa Latinas provision of services to needy Seattleites.

    The City will vigorously defend any lawsuit and wil consider all its legal options, including seeking sanctions against you for filing such a demonstrably frivolous lawsuit.

    Them’s fightin’ words.

    I emailed Judicial Watch to get a response to the city’s tough stance.

    “The Seattle City Attorney’s office is misstating our legal position and is not being forthright concerning ‘identification documents’ supposedly ‘required’ by Casa Latina.”

    I’ve got a call out to Casa Latina’s director to find out what their policy is.

    SLOGOP

    posted by on September 28 at 5:25 PM

    In case the post I just did on Dino Rossi—right below Dan’s post on Gay Porn Jesus— makes you think I’m a lap dog for the Democratic Party, please turn your attention to this recent Slog-loving press release from the GOP below the jump ….

    Continue reading "SLOGOP" »

    Gay Porn Jesus Chows Down at Gay Porn Last Supper

    posted by on September 28 at 5:18 PM

    Why should the Folsom Street Fair’s kinksters have all the fun—and all the free publicity? Dark Alley Media released some pics today from its upcoming big & dirty & gay reinterpretation of Christ’s life. Guess what?Passio includes a last supper scene!

    medium_2007_09_28_passio.jpg

    The Concerned Women for America are up in arms about the sex toys spread out on the table of Folsom’s last supper. Wait until they get a load of Passio’s apostles goin’ at it on Dark Alley Media’s rather sparsely attended last supper. Pics up at Fleshbot.

    Click this link and go directly to hell.

    Bad Question

    posted by on September 28 at 5:12 PM

    Maybe Dino Rossi really isn’t running for governor.

    The resigned-in-disgrace President of Forward Washington, gave a speech this morning in front of the Marysville Tualip Chamber of Commerce titled: “What Businesses Should Look for Before Casting Their Vote.”

    I didn’t hear his speech, but I gotta say, the answer to “What Businesses Should Look for Before Casting Their Vote” seems to point to Rossi’s rival: Gov. Gregoire. Under Gregoire, Washington state jumped from the 12th best state to do business in to the 5th best. Probably has something to do with our lowest-in-history unemployment rate and the whopping job growth.

    Wanna Help Make Sure My Son is Straight When He Grows Up?

    posted by on September 28 at 4:44 PM

    My son DJ, who has two gay dads, wants to go to Qwest Field to watch the Seahawks play the Chicago Bears later this fall. Neither of his gay dads are remotely interested in going to Qwest Field. I figure DJ wouldn’t sit through Beauty and the Beast with me at the Paramount so I’m not obligated to freeze my ass off at a football game.

    My son’s Uncle Billy, however, wants to take his nephew to the game. Uncle Billy is willing to fly to Seattle from Chicago to take his nephew to see the Bears play the Seahawks. Because he wants to help make sure DJ is straight when he grows up.

    All they need are tickets.

    Uh… does anyone know how you get tickets to a Seahawks game? From what I understand, every Seahawks game from now until musical theater finally triumphs over organized sports is sold out. From what I’ve been lead to believe, it’s impossible to get tickets to see the Seahawks. Is that true? Does anyone know how to get tickets? Does anyone have tickets they wanna sell?

    And, yes, I realize that this is an abuse of Slog. Please direct all complaints to the Stranger’s editorial director.

    The End of the White Pages

    posted by on September 28 at 4:27 PM

    This just in:

    AT&T wants to scrap white pages

    AT&T wants to stop delivering white pages directories to customers’ homes, ending a decades-long practice as it shifts information online…. AT&T said in its filing that the move reflects a decline in the use of white pages directories and shows its commitment to helping the environment.

    Slog tipper Allie gives credit to the Stranger’s Public Intern.

    And… Bill as Jackie O

    posted by on September 28 at 4:22 PM

    Move over Mr. Giuliani: New York magazine’s story on the Clintons — not out until Sunday — includes a cover photo illustration (meaning fictional) of Mr. Clinton dressed in drag as, we’re told, Jackie Kennedy.

    Drinking Rots Your Brain: The Evidence

    posted by on September 28 at 4:12 PM

    Exhibit A: Kiefer Sutherland, just charged with drunk driving (and violating his probation from another DUI in 2004).

    [That photo of a heart-shaped diamond ring I posted earlier? That wasn’t Kiefer Sutherland. This is Kiefer Sutherland. If you miss the diamond ring, it’s right over here.]

    pantsdownks.jpg

    Exhibit B: Sutherland again, this time at a Christmas party (video and photo from Shakespeare’s Sister):

    Transcript:

    Voice Off-Camera: Hey, Kiefer. You’re a pirate, man.

    Kiefer: That would explain everything. [jumps into tree]

    Exhibit C: A friend who was just on a flight from Amsterdam witnessed a “super-drunk Marine” start yelling at a nice Eastern European couple because they weren’t speaking English. Or, as the Marine put it, “Stop speaking Russian and talk goddamn American!”

    Bill on Barack

    posted by on September 28 at 4:11 PM

    Via The Caucus:

    Former President Bill Clinton showed his singular ability to diminish his wife’s presidential rivals when, in a television interview, he said that Senator Barack Obama had about as much experience as Mr. Clinton did in 1988 — the year Mr. Clinton decided not to run for the presidency.

    “I was, in terms of experience, was closer to Senator Obama, I suppose, in 1988 when I came within a day of announcing,” Mr. Clinton said in a interview on “Political Capital with Al Hunt” that was scheduled to be broadcast tonight on Bloomberg television and again this weekend.

    Mr. Clinton did not run that year, he added, because “I really didn’t think I knew enough, and had served enough and done enough to run.”

    The former president quickly noted that he did not mean Mr. Obama should not be pursuing the nomination. But he said that compared to Mr. Obama, who went from the Illinois Legislature to the United States Senate in 2005, Mr. Clinton had far more experience when he finally did run in 1992, as governor of Arkansas for nearly 12 years and as a leader of national policy initiatives.

    This Weekend at the Movies

    posted by on September 28 at 4:11 PM

    I’ve been out of the country for a couple of weeks, most recently in Paris, where I saw two astounding things. One:

    Ratatouille-display.jpg

    That rat display case? In Ratatouille? It’s real. I had no idea.

    Two: Persepolis, which is awesome, at least in (the original) French. From this New York Film Festival review, I gather that the English version won’t mess with the wobbly-accented wonder that is the “Eye of the Tiger” scene.

    But back to Seattle. I’ve been bitching for what seems like years about the Seattle-produced and filmed Brand Upon the Brain! not being presented in Seattle as it was originally conceived: a “live spectacle,” with an orchestra and live foley artists and a “castrato” and a narrator. But I can bitch no longer, as Brand Upon the Brain! is coming to the Cinerama October 10 and 11, as part of Northwest Film Forum’s Local Sightings festival. I’m thrilled. Mark your calendars and by your tickets now.

    Brand Upon the Brain!

    Opening this Friday:

    In an extra-long On Screen this week: the Jon Krakauer adaptation Into the Wild (“A simplistic, dewy-eyed paean to a conflicted young man whom [director Sean] Penn would rather canonize than investigate,” says Brendan Kiley)…

    IntotheWild.jpg

    The Kingdom (“feels much more successful when it downshifts into a rock ‘em, sock ‘em action flick,” says Andrew Wright), Trade (“tries to avoid the stench of sexual exploitation, but lands in a mess of sentimentality—red roses, pink bikes—which is far more revolting,” say I), King of California (it may romanticize manic depression, but it’s charming, concludes Kiley), The Jane Austen Book Club (great actors, a painfully pseudointellectual script—why the hell is Emily Blunt costumed like Miranda July?, I ask), Feast of Love (“The worst thing about Feast of Love,” Charles Mudede observes, “is that the sex scenes are not sexy.”), December Boys (“an episodic coming-of-age drama,” according to David Schmader, featuring an orphan named Harry Potter—err, Daniel Radcliffe), and the mumblecore standard-bearer Hannah Takes the Stairs (“seems like an empty parody of the form,” says mumblecore admirer Josh Feit).

    And on an island of its own: Lindy West’s much-admired but hardly admiring review of The Game Plan.

    And in limited runs this week, available via Get Out: Angels in the Dust, Apart from That, events in the Independent South Asian Film Festival (which is totally free this year), the last of the Paramount’s Charlie Chaplin series, an advance screening of Ang Lee’s Lust, Caution, and Vanaja. Enjoy.

    Tom Cruise is Acting EXACTLY Like Tom Cruise!

    posted by on September 28 at 4:09 PM

    It has just been reported by a source so sourcey that I barely dare source it that one certain Mr. Tom Cruise, Alien Queen of Scientological Fembot Brides, is at this very moment building a completely sane ALIEN PROOF BUNKER somewhere in Colorado to protect his brood from the apparently very, very likely alien attack. Or thinks he is.

    According to American magazine Star, a source said: “Tom is planning to build a US$10 million bunker under his Telluride estate.” “It’s a self-contained underground shelter with a high tech air purifying shelter.” The facility is said to have enough room for ten people - including wife Katie Holmes, 17-month-old daughter Suri and his adopted children Isabella, 14, and Connor, 12.
    When asked about the project, and if he really feared impending alien invasion, Mr. Cruise responded, “Eeeep, oooop, BIRDS! BIRDS! Can’t you seem them? In my soup!”


    There actually was no soup to speak of, so the soup was logically unable to comment on the invisable soup birds.

    Bring it ON, alien bitches!

    cruisescientology_468x708.jpg

    BEEP!

    (Thank you for pointing this out, POE.)

    Today on Line Out

    posted by on September 28 at 3:40 PM

    Are You Cosmic?, pt 4: Terry Miller on Daniele Baldelli

    Instantly Timeless: Jonathan Zwickel on Devendra Banhart’s “Seahorse.”

    Ballin’, pt 1: Trent Moorman on AC/DC.

    Fall Heads Roll: Seven Hours of Mark E Smith

    Ballin’, pt 2: Les Savy Fav’s Let’s Stay Friends

    Hold Me: A Hold Music DJ Saved Jonah Spangenthal-Lee’s Afternoon.

    Ballin’, pt 3: The Jimmy Castor Bunch’s “Troglodyte.”

    Sex Survey Results

    posted by on September 28 at 3:20 PM

    A sloppy, wet thank you to all 3,565 of you who took our online sex survey this week. We’re tabulating the results right now.

    Which Seattle neighborhood is most into bestiality? Who’s kinkier, couples who meet on MySpace or couples who meet in church? Why do so many Capitol Hill women say they are repulsed by testicles? Look for these and other titillating totals and trends in our October 4 Hump! issue.

    Also: There are literally just a handful of Hump! 3 tickets left (only for the October 6 Noon screening). We cannot add any more screenings. Get yours before they’re gone for good.

    Grand Old Pratfall

    posted by on September 28 at 3:09 PM

    A much-discussed GOP plan to swipe up to 20 electoral votes in California in ‘08—and potentially the White House (again)—collapsed today. Rudy is involved somehow.

    But what caused the initiative’s creator, Tom Hiltachk, and its spokesman, Kevin Eckery, to resign, was their dispute with the effort’s largest donor, an organization called “Take Initiative America.” The group was created by Charles A. Hurth III, a Missouri lawyer and a Giuliani donor, just one day before Mr. Hiltachk received a $175,000 check from the group to help finance the cause.

    But when Mr. Hiltachk could not learn the names of the individual donors to the organization, he declared the effort more or less undermined, and quit.

    Not About That Roads and Transit Proposal

    posted by on September 28 at 3:08 PM

    In other news, the Germans have invented a dildo … made of candy! According to the web site, it’s “18 cm/285 grams of pure enjoyment.” Full ingredient list: “Fruchtgummi in Penisform.” As we learn from this blog post, Fruchtgummi ist fur ein blowjob. Better than a real dick, because when you’re done, it’s still made of delicious candy!

    Trans Awareness Weak

    posted by on September 28 at 3:01 PM

    The federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act—a.k.a. ENDA—is making its way through the Dem-controlled U.S. House and Senate. The original language would have protected gays, straights, lesbians, bisexuals, and trans folks from discrimination. Now the MTFs, FTMS, and genderqueers are out. The SF Chronicle is on it:

    Even as the Senate passed a hate crimes bill sought for a decade by gays and lesbians, House Democratic leaders decided Thursday to strip transgender people from another long-languishing civil rights bill, generating dismay in the gay community and furious but fruitless lobbying for more time.

    House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of San Francisco and Reps. George Miller, D-Martinez, Barney Frank, D-Mass., and Tammy Baldwin, D-Wis., believe that they lack the votes in the Democrat-controlled House to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act if it includes gender identity along with sexual orientation as a prohibited ground for firing an employee.

    Says Barney Frank:

    We are on the verge of an historic victory that supporters of civil rights have been working on for more than thirty years: the passage for the first time in American history by either house of Congress of legislation declaring it illegal to discriminate against people in employment based on their sexual orientation. Detracting from the sense of celebration many of us feel about that is regret that under the current political situation, we do not have sufficient support in the House to include in that bill explicit protection for people who are transgender.

    The question facing us—the LGBT community and the tens of millions of others who are active supporters of our fight against prejudice—is whether we should pass up the chance to adopt a very good bill because it has one major gap. I believe that it would be a grave error to let this opportunity to pass a sexual orientation nondiscrimination bill go forward, not simply because it is one of the most important advances we’ll have made in securing civil rights for Americans in decades, but because moving forward on this bill now will also better serve the ultimate goal of including people who are transgender than simply accepting total defeat today.

    About That Roads and Transit Proposal

    posted by on September 28 at 2:56 PM

    Josh and I met a couple of days ago with two opponents of the roads and transit package (Mike O’Brien and Tim Gould of the Sierra Club) and although I am, as I’ve said a zillion times before, still ambivalent about the package (intuitively, passing up 50 miles of light rail seems like it must be a bad idea) I have to say that they made some really convincing arguments against the package.

    First, a bit of background: Residents of King, Pierce, and Snohomish Counties are being asked to vote up or down in November on a huge package of new roads and transit—about $18 billion in all. Of that total, about $10 billion will pay for 50 miles of new light rail north and to the Eastside; the rest will pay for roads projects, including 152 new miles of general-purpose highways and freeways. (There will also be 74 miles of high-occupancy vehicle—HOV—and high-occupancy toll—HOT—lanes). Because the state legislature, in its infinite wisdom, tied the two unrelated proposals together, rejecting roads means rejecting transit, and vice versa.

    Pro-transit supporters of the package pretty much stop there. How, they argue, could we turn down the first opportunity we’ve had in a generation to more than double the region’s light rail system? Yes, there are roads in the package—including bad roads, like the four-lane widening of I-405—but a lot of those will actually help transit. Expanding 520, for example, will create two new HOV lanes. And look at all that light rail! Shiny, shiny light rail. How could you say no to all that light rail?

    The Sierra Club’s rebuttal is compelling.

    First of all, O’Brien and Gould noted, let’s look at what happens if we DO pass the joint roads and transit package. That will be our last chance to make a truly ambitious investment in transportation for a generation. It is, in other words, our last chance to do it right. As O’Brien puts it, “It’s not like we have pools of $18 billion just sitting around.” If we pass this package, we’ll have light rail, but we’ll also be stuck paying for, and building, all those new roads—roads that will just fill up, as roads do; roads that will contribute more to global warming than light rail takes away; roads that certainly won’t be much help in easing congestion without a much larger investment in transit than the one in this package.

    One thing almost no one is talking about is the climate impact of a massive new investment in road expansion. Sure, boosters of the proposal pay lip service to reducing greenhouse gases (the official goal adopted by the county is an 80 percent reduction by 2050), but when it comes to taking real action on climate change, they’re still in thrall to the pavement lobby. Yes, the plan includes a “study” of the climate impact of the package. Simultaneously, however, strict “accountability” requirements elsewhere in the proposal lock regional leaders into building every single mile of road in the package. So it doesn’t matter what the study says; if we pass this, we’re getting new roads, melting ice cap and dying polar bears be damned.

    What might the actual climate impact of RTID be? Because no official study will be done until after the election, it’s hard to say; however, the Sierra Club cites a study by the Puget Sound Regional Council, which concluded that building both the roads and the transit components of the plan will lead to a net increase in vehicle-miles traveled of 43 percent. Because vehicle-miles traveled translate, roughly, to carbon produced (a mile traveled works out roughly to a pound of carbon in the air), that’s approximately a 43 percent increase in carbon emissions—at a time when we’re supposed to be reducing carbon emissions by 80 percent. Doing nothing at all, of course, would likely lead to even higher net emissions, but opponents of the plan aren’t saying “do nothing.” They’re saying, do something better.

    Proponents of the ballot measure say if we reject it now, it’ll be years before we have another chance to vote again on light rail. They say the governor “won’t allow it” on the ballot in an election year and predict the following year will be too soon. Feh. First of all, the governor would be wise not to alienate transit-loving King County voters, who provided her slim margin of victory last time. Moreover, the last time Sound Transit was rejected, in 1995, it came back the very next year—and won. Light rail is popular now, and will be even more popular once it opens in mid-2009. We should be willing to wait two years to get it right.

    Incidentally, the voters agree with this point of view: A recent Elway poll found that four out of five respondents believe light rail will come back on its own.

    There are other problems with this specific light-rail plan. It’s paid for with regressive sales tax instead of user fees like car-tab taxes and congestion pricing, either of which would be a fairer way to fund a transit program that will be used mostly by the middle class and the working poor. Because its financing is structured over a very long time (50 years) it takes a very long time to build; light rail won’t reach Microsoft, for example, for 20 years.

    Meanwhile, the roads in the package are mostly what the Sierra Club (and Transportation Choices) would call “bad” roads: four new general-purpose lanes on I-405 (no HOV!); the widening and extension of SR-167 to the Port of Tacoma, which started as a two-lane freight-only road that bypassed I-5, but has since become a sprawl-serving four-lane highway with an I-5 interchange; the extension of SR-509 to I-5, which will put thousands more cars onto I-5 in South King County; and, potentially, the Cross Base Highway, which will connect sprawl and pave over some of the last remaining oak prairie in Western Washington.

    Two days ago, King County Executive Ron Sims came out against the joint roads/transit proposal. In an editorial in yesterday’s Seattle Times, Sims wrote that the plan “doesn’t solve traffic congestion in the short term, nor does it provide enough long-term relief to justify the financial and environmental costs. … We must not make transportation decisions without considering the impact on global warming.

    I agree. The roads package we’re being asked to vote on represents the solutions of the past—regressive sales taxes, toll-free general-purpose lanes, and pavement, pavement, pavement—and, in doing so, sells out future generations.

    Savage Love Letter of the Day

    posted by on September 28 at 2:33 PM

    I was recently released from prison after completing a three year sentence. I am a professional male, and have been married for a decade. My wife and I have children. She stood by me while I completed the sentence I served for a financial crime. Since my release I have been reunited with my family. My issue is as follows. While incarcerated I had a consensual sexual relationship with my cellmate. The details of the relationship are unimportant; I have been tested for STDs since my release and I have tested negative. So, there are no health concerns for my wife. I am trying to decide whether to tell my wife about the relationship. Though the cellmate has attempted to contact me by mail, I have not responded. That part of my life is now. My relationship with my wife and family have normalized in the months since my return. While I want to be honest and make amends, I also don’t want to cause her any more pain than I already have.

    My advice: What happens in prison stays in prison; there are some things a spouse has a right not to know; and it’s bad form to be rude to your ex-cellmate. (At least respond with a “I’ll always cherish the memories” letter.) But what say you, Slog readers?

    A Christian Notion

    posted by on September 28 at 1:58 PM

    John “Agents of Intolerance” McCain has had his tongue firmly lodged up the butts of religious conservatives for a while now. And today he gave it a little wiggle:

    A recent poll found that 55 percent of Americans believe the U.S. Constitution establishes a Christian nation. What do you think?

    I would probably have to say yes, that the Constitution established the United States of America as a Christian nation.

    Yes, John, you “probably” would have to say yes—because you’ll pretty much say anything the religious right wants to hear. And they never tire of hearing that the U.S. Constitution—drawn up by nominally Christian deists—established the U.S. as a Christian nation. It’s bullshit, of course, and McCain knows it. Pathetic.

    Via Atrios.

    Follow-Up: Satterberg’s Sins of Omission

    posted by on September 28 at 1:25 PM

    A lot of people who are in the know about the inside workings of the King County Prosecutor’s office, but are demanding anonymity, are contacting me about an article I wrote in this week’s news section.

    The article was about the fact that the KC Prosecutor’s office, under Norm Maleng and his then-chief of staff Dan Satterberg (who’s now running as the Republican candidate for the job), did not use its unique subpoena authority to shake loose sealed personnel files from the Seattle Archdiocese and seek criminal charges against accused pedophile priests.

    Given that the Church was agreeing to millions of dollars in settlements after civil cases were filed by 153 people about 49 priests, there definitely seemed to be cause.

    One attorney, Timothy Kosnoff, who won some of those settlements and is quoted at length in my article, saw the horror stories in the files (obtained through civil discovery) and urged the KC Prosecutor’s office to do what other district attorneys’ offices around the country were doing and subpoena the files.

    The office chose not to. Adding insult to injury: Satterberg simultaneously sat on a special Archdiocese panel helping the Church with its child abuse reporting protocol. Kosnoff sees a major conflict of interest in this setup: A public law enforcement official helping a potential lawbreaker (that his office could conceivably have to prosecute later on). Kosnoff likened the setup to a shady company having an IRS attorney help them file their taxes.

    As for the reaction I’m getting from people familiar with how the prosecutor’s office works, the most stunning e-mail I got explained that the KC Prosecutor’s office had a “Special Operations” team as part of its Fraud Division. This unit of deputy prosecuting attorneys worked with informants and snitches and police agency investigators to crack tough cases, including sexual abuse cases. This unit was headed by Pat Sainsbury. The division was dissolved shortly after Satterburg took over as prosecutor this year.

    The Special Operations team and the Fraud Division had a tool, which they used regularly in complex and hard-to-get-at investigations, called the Inquiry Judge system. It worked like this: The court issued subpoenas for documents or to compel sworn testimony from witnesses. And contrary to what Satterberg said in my article (that he needed evidence to go after files), the prosecutors don’t need probable cause, as they would when asking for a search warrant. The inquiry judge reviews a written request submitted by the prosecutors and then says yea or nay, and also reviews what is returned to the court under the subpoena to make sure it’s germane and not just a fishing expedition. Those providing the documents or testimony are protected from disclosing to anyone that they have done so; all of this happens in a closed court.

    In short, the KC Prosecutor’s office was well equipped to get files from the Church.

    Says someone who as part of an investigation that used the the Inquiry Judge system:
    “Dan Satterberg’s explanation for not looking into allegations of serial sexual abuse … especially knowing that the Archdiocese paid up, are just a little absurd. There may be reasons not to look into it, but let’s be honest. As a public servant he had the means and the power to get to at least basic info to show either they did or didn’t know—i.e. they were part of a conspiracy or more likely had failed to report abuse. It is his job to do this. Sure he has a lot of discretion. He should exercise it or have a credible reason why he didn’t.”

    Required Viewing

    posted by on September 28 at 1:07 PM

    Ladies and gentleman, The Midwest Teen Sex Show. Watch the episodes about gym class, birth control, the older boyfriend, and abstinence. Then buy the t-shirt:

    bni2f.jpg

    Some terrific advice from “The Older Boyfriend”:

    I know. You met on the Internet and he understands you. And everyone else your age is so immature. The good news is, girls mature a lot faster than boys. So you should start dating girls.

    You may think you’re pretty cool for having an older boyfriend. But what you have to remember is, he’s not cool for dating you. He’s a loser.

    Questions to ask your older boyfriend: Why aren’t you dating someone closer to your own age? Have you ever been arrested? Why do you still live with your mom? How much do you pay in child support? And why do you smell like my grandpa?

    The New Criticism

    posted by on September 28 at 12:53 PM

    The problem with criticism in all of its forms (art, film, literature) has been its susceptibility to the charge that, ultimately, it is nothing more than the product of someone’s opinion. Criticism is not truth; it is an opinion—or what the Greeks called doxa. We can all agree that opinions are no good.

    Kant tried to solve this problem by universalizing subjectivity. He failed miserably. Marxist criticism tried solve this problem by politicizing the function art. The art object, according to this school of thought, was like any other consumer object and so could be analyzed as such. As Marx removed the fetish magic from consumer products in Das Capital, the Marxist critic attempted to remove the aura from the art object. Also, the Marxist critic tried to expose the art object’s idealogical function—to show that the art object was made to reinforce certain beliefs, ideas that supported the reproduction of a given society’s means of production.

    But the problem with the Marxist approach is this: it cannot make sense of the fact that some art objects made in societies dominated by the capitalist mode of production are great (Blade Runner) and critical of the system from which they arise; and some art objects made in former socialist societies are very weak (Cement) and support the anti-capitalist system from which they arise.

    Though the best of all modes of criticism, Marxism is still too loose, too vulnerable, too inconsistent. If art criticism is to become invulnerable it must be grounded not in economics but in the body, the head, the physical brain itself. The critic must argue that this or that thing is good because the biological processes that made it happen are good processes. But how does one do this? Neurology offers the critic a solution.

    To become valid, art criticism must turn to the biological processes of memory retention and retrieval. What we know about this process is that not single or individual neurons react to single or individual complex images, faces, experiences, but instead a network of them. Memory is associational. Memory patterns are formed from short and long term storage potential. Those who suffer from Alzheimer’s are unable to make connections between these short and long term memory patterns. They suffer from weak or broken associational powers.

    The French sociologist Gabriel Tarde had the right idea at the end of the 19th century when he called all things, all ideas, inventions, a matter of associations. Everything is a society. The brain is a society of cells. And the way the cells work, and the way memory works, and the way art works, is by associations. As there is bad food and good food, there are strong associations and weak ones. Here are some examples of weak associations.
    8c301a668091.jpg

    The new criticism is not emotional or personal but associational. We can say that a bad work of art is much like Alzheimer’s: it is the artist’s failure or inability to make good or new associations. Here is our ground! A work of art is an association. An idea is an association. All is made from associations. We critics can judge every art object on this biological basis and no longer be vulnerable to our enemy’s sole weapon: “this is just an opinion.” From now until the end of all time, this is bad and that is that.

    Re: Nickels Veto

    posted by on September 28 at 12:05 PM

    moon.jpg

    I did a flip post yesterday making fun of Mayor Nickels’s veto. He vetoed the tortured nightclub license legislation because council amended it to the point that it didn’t include a nightclub license.

    The council legislation, passed 6-3, essentially defeated Nickels’s year-long push for a nightclub license. Nickels is mad about that, but his veto doesn’t do anything to restore the license. And so I was ribbing the mayor for the pffffttt ending to his lame effort. He vetoed a veto of his license idea. Whoopdeee doo. There’s still no license.

    The mayor’s office didn’t seem to get the sarcasm in my flip post, though. Shortly after posting it on Slog, I got this e-mail from the mayor’s spokesperson: “BTW, the mayor vetoed the non-license. The council did not pass the mayor’s, or anyone else’s license proposal.”

    Um, yep. I got that memo. Reported on it at length last week.

    So, I guess: Big props to Team Nickels for “vetoing the non-license” (what does that even mean?). Congrats, Mayor Nickels, on your symbolic gesture—or more accurately, on your mini-temper tantrum about not getting your way. We’re all terribly impressed.

    This Week on Drugs

    posted by on September 28 at 12:00 PM

    marijuana_arrests_chart.jpg

    High Priority: A Department of Justice report shows marijuana arrests in 2006 hit record at 829,627.

    Tripped: Amsterdam supports three-day waiting period for mushroom buyers after too many tourists wig out in the Van Gogh Museum.

    Dogged: Vick on home detention after testing positive for pot.

    Measured Progress: Four marijuana initiatives on the ballot in Idaho town.

    “We made brownies and I think we’re dead”: Pot-brownie eating cop charged with misdemeanor.

    Does this Cigarette Make Me Look Fat? Youtube criticized for tobacco clips.

    Score Bar: Feds charge maker of laced candy.

    Termination: After 15 years, Portland cuts drug-free zones.

    Tribulation: FDA drug trials.

    Rotation: Afghanistan opium farmers switch to ganja.

    Incarceration: Prison population leveling as crack offenders serving mandatory-minimum sentences finish terms.

    Meth-Awareness Month is Coming: Are you sufficiently aware? This gem from the ONDCP will have you singing its praises.

    The Next Next President of the U.S.?

    posted by on September 28 at 11:50 AM

    390px-Jeb_Bush.jpg

    Former Florida governor Jeb Bush was in town last night, speaking at a dinner for the Washington Policy Center (“Improving lives through market solutions”). There was a press availability with Bush beforehand, so I went down to the Seattle Westin to check it out. A very flustered woman ushered me into a small room filled with men in suits, one of them the president’s brother. We waited. The woman left. A moment later she returned, and addressed Jeb Bush by the wrong name, mistaking him for a reporter or event organizer or some such.

    Ouch. The woman began apologizing profusely, and kept repeating the apology over and over again. “Why don’t you say it again?” Bush asked with a smirk. She clammed up quickly and Bush, perhaps realizing he’d shown a little too much of the mocking good-old-boy, said something like: “Bless her heart.”

    Time for questions. I asked him about the presidential race, and what he thinks of the current Republican field. “It’s wide open,” he said. He wouldn’t name a favored contender, but he did say that he really admires Mike Huckabee for his accomplishments as governor of Arkansas.

    I asked whether he’d want the vice presidential slot once Republicans have settled on a nominee.

    “I’m in self-imposed exile for a year,” he said. “I had a pretty intense job… I’m really taking a year off from being involved in politics… In all honesty, my dream came true when I got to be elected governor.”

    I noted that his brother would soon have some time off from politics, and wondered if he had any advice for him. He laughed.

    “No,” he said. “He’s going to be in a different realm than I am.” (Then he joked about how he can go through airports and not get recognized, an experience his brother will never have.) “I’m not worried about him,” Bush continued. “He’s got a compass that points north. He’ll spend some time in Crawford…”

    Ok. What about all this dynasty talk? Bush-Clinton-Bush, and now maybe Clinton again. Good for the country?

    “I think that’s a legitimate question, to be honest with you,” he said. “I’m not casting aspersions on Hillary at all. But this a big country. There’s 300 million people. I could see why people would think it a little off that there’s been a Bush or Clinton in office since 1988.”

    So does he believe Clinton is a shoo-in to be the Democratic nominee?

    “I think that she’s going to be tough to beat in the primary,” he said.

    I asked: What about all the criticism that your brother gets these days? Your father has been vocal about how it hurts him. What about you? Does it hurt you?

    “I hate it,” he told me. “I hate it because I know it hurts my dad, and I hate it because he’s my brother.”

    But, he added, he doesn’t worry too much about his brother in the end. “He’s got a tranquility that’s pretty amazing and he’s accepted the fact that some of his decisions are pretty controversial. I don’t think he’s angry. He doesn’t personalize any of this—and that gives me some comfort, because I take it personally.”

    Someone in the room asks: Any presidential plans of your own?

    His response: “I don’t have that blind ambition that you need to have to be running for president.”

    In One Fell Swoop, All the Dreams of Steinbacher, Spangenthal-Lee, and Myself Come True

    posted by on September 28 at 11:32 AM

    l_78723385afe9186ad0a76b33c88a0c01-thumb-410x306.jpg

    Yes, he’s smoking out of a Nintendo 64 controller.

    From Aeropause via Boing Boing.

    The Potty’s Over

    posted by on September 28 at 11:31 AM

    Big news out of Minneapolis…

    New dividers aimed at stopping Minneapolis airport liaisons

    The crowded airport bathroom where Sen. Larry Craig was arrested is about to become an even less-inviting place for a rendezvous. Airport officials plan to put in new stall dividers just 2 to 3 inches above the floor, instead of as much as a foot now. The new dividers will go in two bathrooms where the airport has had complaints about sex, including the one where Craig was arrested.

    So the potty’s over—or is it?

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems to me that lower dividers are going to make stalls in this particular bathroom more attractive, not less, to toilet cruisers. Larry Craig will still be able to peer through cracks in doors, still be able to tap his foot, and still be able to run his dirty, dirty hands under the stall to signal his interest in a “rendezvous.” And after the object of Larry Craig’s affections signals his mutual interest, the senator can wait for a lull and slip into one of these new, more private stalls, and enjoy the company of his new friend with less fear of discovery than before.

    Don’t bother with new stall dividers, Minneapolis. The steady stream of tourists that have been visiting the toilet that Larry Craig made famous are much a better—and much cheaper—deterrent.

    John Edwards Accepts Public Financing

    posted by on September 28 at 11:15 AM

    His campaign is portraying the move as a principled stand, and a way of challenging Hillary Clinton to walk her talk on public financing of presidential campaigns.

    Today, Sen. Edwards announced that he will accept public financing and matching funds for his presidential campaign. Edwards is taking a principled stand on this issue – leading the way because he believes elections should be about ideas, not about money. And no one has better ideas for how to change America than John Edwards. Just this weekend, Sen. Hillary Clinton voiced her support for public financing… John Edwards is challenging her to prove that she means what she says.

    But most political observers are taking away a different message, that Edwards is in trouble:

    John Edwards’ decision to accept public matching funds to finance his campaign is a political blow but it’s probably also the only lifeline he has to stay in the race.

    The simple fact is that Edwards was never going to keep pace with the Democratic front-runner, New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, or the upstart campaign of Illinois Sen. Barack Obama.

    Today The Stranger Suggests

    posted by on September 28 at 11:00 AM

    Music Benefit

    The Whore Moans at Blue Moon

    What do you mean you haven’t seen the Whore Moans yet? Motherfucker, don’t you listen to anything I say? They’re fantastic—tight, soulful, danceable punk rock played with fervor and swagger. Plus tonight’s show is free! But it’s also a benefit to raise some cash for a new PA at the Blue Moon, so bring a few bucks to donate. With A Gun That Shoots Knives, the Hopscotch Boys, and Red Rapture. (Blue Moon Tavern, 712 NE 45th St, 675-9116. 9 pm, free, 21+.)

    MEGAN SELING

    More Last Suppers

    posted by on September 28 at 10:56 AM

    The Catholic League is boycotting Miller Beer over the now-infamous poster for the Folsom Street Fair. I wonder if they’re planning to go after The Tonight Show, John Travolta, Paris Hilton, Carrie Fisher, Pam Dawber, the estate of the “late great John Ritter,” and other celebs over their support and for “juxtaposition artist” Nelson De La Nuez. He’s the artist responsible for this little bit of sacrilege…

    Yo Moma’s Last Supper:

    LSyomama.jpg

    More examples of Nelson De La Nuez sacrilegious art can be found here and here.

    More last suppers…

    A fury fetish last supper:

    LSfuryfetish.jpg

    Bunuel’s “Tramps’ Supper” from Viridiana:

    LSviridiana.jpg

    George Carlin’s last supper:

    LSCarlin.jpg

    The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s last supper:

    LSflyingsmall.jpg

    A pizza parlor’s last supper:

    LSpizzaparl.jpg

    Donkey Kong’s last supper:

    LSDonkeyKong.jpg

    Uh, some guy’s last supper:

    last_supper_small.jpg

    A last supper sandcastle:

    Last%20SupperSandSmall.jpg

    I await the announcement of the Catholic League’s boycotts of pasta, pizza, Donkey Kong, George Carlin, fury fetishism, etc.

    UPDATE:

    Dianna in comments directs us to Renee Cox’s “Yo Mama’s Last Supper”:

    LSyomamasmall.jpg Click for the larger version.

    Full collection of last suppers here.

    Never Let Anyone Outside the Family Know What You’re Thinking.

    posted by on September 28 at 10:29 AM

    DSCN2429.jpg

    All Hail Darren D. Misklashuvacis

    posted by on September 28 at 9:55 AM

    Dear Slog readers: I’m on vacation for the next couple weeks and won’t be doing much slogging. Nevertheless, last night I received an email that’s impossible not to share immediately.

    Some context: The item that inspired Darren D. Misklashuvacis to write the following rant is the Monday item of this week’s Last Days. As long-time Slog readers will notice, this guy is clearly gunning for the “Homophobic Psycho of the Year” title previously held by Daniel “Go live in France pussy you faggots!” Freykis. Enjoy.

    Smahder you motherfucker I cannot BELIEVE some of the shit you write in your goddamn worthless paper. I mean seriously ASSHOLE seriously FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

    I don’t read this shit that often don’t let it go to your head or anything. But sometimes you know you need to go take a dump and I will say the Stanger comes in handy because at least it is SHIT while you shit! Now let me get this stright, you got a faggot in charge of the paper and then hey here’s a co-in-key-dink another faggot edits the news. Gee I wonder if there will be a pro fag agenda in the slant of the news or anything huh? So when I read your post in “Last Days” about the fed. prosecutor that wnated to rape the little girl I thought “who is this cocksucker kidding? you motherfuckers INVENTED child rape practicly and then you disingenuously get all huffy about a guy who at least was straight!

    Look this is how things are getting so why are you so wet behind the ears, other than the fact you probably got pissed on by your “boy toy” at the toilet in public or something. Don’t deny it “pissy missy”- like that congreesman in Idaho you all go to where you can dump out your lover as soon as he drops a man bomb in your asshole. You fucking sick faggot motherfuckers I hope you all get AIDS!

    Now back to my point. Why is it that when you guys try to legalize gay marriage and make every church deny God you wonder why there are a ton of people trying to rape children? It’s all over with morality and “open season” once you open the door even a crack. So now faggot run wild in the streets shitting and pissing on each other in your little parade here in Seattle and then all the other perverts say “hey I’m letting my freak flag fly too!” Where’s the underage boys, huh Scmhahder??????????

    God knows how many kids end up in white slavery to serve you perverted needs. Oh I’m a homophobe huh? Fuck you you cocksucker! I’m not AFRAID of ANYTHING bitch, so don’t go running your mouths. Facts are facts: NAMBLA are a pack of FAGGOTS and they popularized the idea of fucking little kids. Nobody had ever even heard of that shit till your buddies came running with their coke bottle glasses and vats of lube! And then YOU have the BALLS to complain and get all morality, like you give a shit about someone who is just “another color on the rainbow of Diversity” right Davey Boy Faggot Ass?????

    Goddamn you all to hell when I moved here and paid GOOD MONEY for my condo I had no idea this city was so overun with pervert faggots. Now every night I come home from the “scene” (trying to meet WOMEN thank you very much the most of whom are fucking DYKES!) and there’s guys licking each others tonsils on my street. Somebody needs to throw cold water on the whole of Capitol hill and get you mohterfuckers to stop fucking in the streets like it was a big fucking carnival or something! And this is all YOUR fault in the “gay estabishment”. Fucking faggots!

    In conclusion: there is no doubt that child rape is the “in thing” thanks to the gays who have ruined all morality with their fucking and mariage proposals. So keep that in mind Mr Numb Nuts the next time you write some shit about pedophiles who are YOUR best buddies and the reason is because of faggot outrages!

    Now go get fucked in the ass by a horse why don’t you you fucking piece of slime! You guys make me SICK and from now on if anybody tries any shit with me in the bathroom I’m going to club them like a baby seal with my blackjack! Warn all your friends this DUDE is STRAIGHT!

    Fuck you asshole! - DD

    Wow. I don’t know where to begin. But it’s nice that he spelled “disingenuously” correctly.

    Asssignment: Yell at the Ducks

    posted by on September 28 at 9:35 AM

    Jessica, a young Seattle woman, can’t stand the Ducks.

    Jessica spent this summer cursing the Ducks under her breath as she waited for her bus near Westlake Center. It’s not just the passengers’ quacking that pisses her off, but also the way the Ducks’ tour guides casually comment on the Seattleites they pass, noting how they dress, what they’re eating, which bus they’re waiting for. Jessica wanted someone with a louder and more obnoxious voice to shout back at the Ducks.

    I met Jessica on the corner of 4th and Pike on a sunny Sunday afternoon. She’d bought me a foot-long yellow bull horn at Daiso, the Japanese superstore in the basement of Westlake Center. She handed it to me, and we scanned the street for the next Duck. We waited about five minutes before the first one appeared. As the Duck began to approach us, something snapped. Well, someone. Jessica went batshit.

    PIDucks1.JPG

    “Your families don’t look like they’re having very much fun!” she yelled at the tourists. Then she looked at me and said, “Aren’t you going to yell!? That’s why you’re here! To help me yell!”

    I did not share Jessica’s anger. To me, the Ducks are a minor annoyance; a kitschy Seattle tourist attraction I’ve never recommended to guests. They don’t make my blood boil. Jessica tried to make me angry. She sang the “Low Rider” song that blasts from every passing Duck. I had to agree with her; the song was irritating. Then she started to feed me some lines. She recommended, “Stop looking at us! You’re not in Disneyland!”, which I shouted. I followed up with, “Show us your boobs!”

    PIDucks2.JPG

    Yelling into the Daiso bull horn made me look a bit like a raving downtown schizophrenic.

    PIDucks3.JPG

    As I began to practice my yell, people across the street stared at me with anxiety. Fifteen minutes later two Ducks appeared simultaneously. They were driving fast! I yelled “stop looking at us!” and the crowd on the bus cheered. I don’t think they understood I was trying to be a jerk. Jessica bristled. We waited for more Ducks. Finally another one came and I yelled the same command. The tour guide on the bus called back to me and said “You don’t need to salute me sir, I’m just a boat captain…at ease.”

    I thought it was a pretty good quip for such short notice and I wondered if he’d been tipped off by other Ducks’ drivers. Of course, Jessica didn’t appreciate it.

    We took a couple pictures of the passengers. One lady looked shocked.

    Here’s an embarrassingly unfunny video we made:

    Seattle’s eleven Ducks, which travel the Space Needle, Pioneer Square, and Fremont, have been in operation since 1998. The ducks operate all year long, although the company cuts back on days in the Winter. Right now ducks depart from the Space Needle six to eight times a day, seven days a week.

    After the assignment I did some research on the company. According to the P-I, a Seattle duck sank in Lake Union in 2001 after passengers were evacuated. This was just two years after a duck owned by another company sank in Hot Springs Arkansas, killing 13 of the 20 on board. The U.S. Coast Guard wrote in a report that the boat took just 30 SECONDS to sink after the captain realized it was in distress. Just like that. Plop.

    I called the company to see whether they had anything to say about either sinking. Ten minutes later, I was talking to Brian Tracey, the owner of the Seattle Ride the Ducks.

    Tracey told me the Seattle boats share little mechanically with the duck that sank in Arkansas. He was also quick to insist that the Seattle boats have been modified since the Lake Union sinking. “They’re even bullet proof!” he told me.

    I told him about my assignment. Tracey laughed. He offered to meet with Jessica and told me he was surprised that she—and by extension, all the citizens of Seattle—didn’t enjoy interacting with the ducks.

    “Most people in Seattle love the ducks,” he told me. “Some people even dance on the street when they go by.” His cluelessness was adorable.

    Tracey told me he thought a ride on the ducks would make Jessica a convert (uhhh no). When I told him I wasn’t sure if she’d be interested, Tracey told me, “some women are just pissed off at everything and can’t stand people having fun.”

    Steven Blum
    Public Intern

    I Secretly Love the Fascist Future …

    posted by on September 28 at 8:39 AM

    because it’s so damn poetic.

    All the new wave lyrics of my youth are coming true.

    Check out this beautiful blurb over at ars technica to describe an article about urban surveillance systems:

    IBM has sold Chicago on a mass surveillance system that will place a set of tireless software eyes behind the city’s camera network.

    Software Eyes is the name of my new band. City Camera Network is our first album.

    9406.jpg

    Environmentalism + Capitalism = Obviously

    posted by on September 28 at 8:24 AM

    The conventional thinking that pits big business against environmentalism is officially dead.

    This short, simple, no-brainer article from this week’s NYT business section, “Banks Urging U.S. to Adopt the Trading of Emissions,” shows why a cap and trade system for carbon emissions (a local version was scuttled by the Democratic majority in Olympia earlier this year) would fuel the national economy.

    A cap and trade system works like this: The government sets a hard limit on carbon emissions then it divvies up the allowable emissions and makes companies buy up credits to collectively hit that limit. The credits that companies buy from the state for the right to pollute take on financial value because the companies then buy and sell the credits from one another. Companies that concentrate on reducing emissions can sell their increasingly valuable extra credits to companies that are maxing out on emissions limits.

    Meanwhile, and this is why the big banks think it’s a grand idea, a specul