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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Voicemail of the Day

posted by on August 28 at 16:20 PM

Hey Eli, this is your favorite Republican protester, Russell Johnson


You interviewed me for a story on your blog site yesterday at the protest, and I was calling you back to thank you for the story and for the kind pictures. I think it came out pretty well.

But some of your readers who left comments on the blog seem to have an infatuation with anal rape. But other than that, the blog story came out pretty good.

So we just want to thank you for that story, and if you ever want to interview a sensible Republican again, you can just give me a call, my number is 206-XXX-XXXX and anytime you want us to do a full page, or front page story, or anything like that, we can do that for you. So, yeah, just give me a call back sometime, and thanks again for the story on the blog. It was pretty tight. All right, talk to you later, bye.

RSS icon Comments


Crazy. It's like someone told him to call you and "get a big story" or something. Ew.

Posted by la | August 28, 2007 4:24 PM

Gotta say, he's pretty cute. For a Republican and all. And way to milk the press on this one!

Posted by Katelyn | August 28, 2007 4:24 PM

I'm with Katelyn. And at least he's got manners, that goes a long way.

Posted by Matt Fuckin' Hickey | August 28, 2007 4:25 PM

Call and ask when he and his friends plan on enlisting in the military since he's all gungho about the war.

Posted by monkey | August 28, 2007 4:26 PM

Sounds like someone has a bit of a *crush* on Eli.

Posted by chris | August 28, 2007 4:36 PM

i think it would do everyone a lot of good if they went out and made a republican friend. the mindless vilification of the opposition is pretty tiresome, especially because it's the same mindless stereotyping that they do against us. i, for one, would like to not be like that. so whatever, the guy's political opinions are not cool, but that doesn't mean he's not a person. who knows, maybe he's fun as hell?

Posted by haters ball | August 28, 2007 4:41 PM

anal rape? what a fucktard. we said he needed a dick in the ass, no one said anything about it not being consensual.

Posted by imjusttheonetodoit | August 28, 2007 4:54 PM

@7 - Hi Russell!

Posted by douche | August 28, 2007 4:54 PM

Humble. Anal. Rape.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 28, 2007 4:54 PM

This guy would look good in uniform....a military uniform, doing several extended tours of duty in a row and coming home to no job, reduced VA benefits, not being able to pay his mortgage and an estranged wife and children. Oh and a lot of lip service about supporting the troops and shit from his party.

Posted by Sally Struthers Lawnchair | August 28, 2007 5:02 PM

@ 7,

I'm not in the habit of hosting gay-bashing, warmongering, insane, bullying, assholes at my table.

As a gay man, my family and I have been attacked relentlessly by Republicans all my life. I don't feel like we're citizens of the same country or even members of the same species.

I hope the "terrorists" blow these evil bastards straight to Hell.

Posted by Original Andrew | August 28, 2007 5:05 PM

shit. the stranger would endorse him if he ran for the state leg.

Posted by wf | August 28, 2007 5:08 PM

I'm sorry, my eyes glazed over and I lost track. Something about "anal rape" and "it was pretty tight"?

Posted by fnarf | August 28, 2007 5:09 PM

I'm just wondering - if he thinks of himself as a sensible Republican, who are the insensible ones? Sorry but I don't think that "Give War a Chance" is the most pragmatic thing I've ever heard from a Republican...

Posted by noti | August 28, 2007 5:13 PM

"So, yeah, just give me a call back sometime, and thanks again for the story on the blog. It was pretty tight. All right, talk to you later, bye."

Ummm...yeah...he's looking for something on the consensual side....

Posted by Darryl | August 28, 2007 5:13 PM

I think he wants to tap his feet next to Eli's in an airport bathroom.

Posted by StrangerDanger | August 28, 2007 5:15 PM

i'd still do him. I said nothing about rape though, it's only fun if everyone is having a good time.

Maybe he could join the military and then make such a miniscule amount of money that he would be forced to do gay military twink porn to support himself. That way he learns a "hard" lesson about military force and we get to see him naked with his legs in the air. Everybody wins!

Posted by Brandon H | August 28, 2007 5:16 PM

I have a new sign idea for you McLovin "Stop Whining About Anal Rape". Hey sensible Republican, you're complaining about what we've all been getting from your administration for 6+ years. The war you'd like to give a chance to is now being fought against the government that your moron president created. We're arming Sunnis and Saudis, make up a clever sign about why that's a good idea.

I know you're all living the dream that Karl Rove will see you out there and appoint you to head Homeland Security, Mine Safety or maybe the US Supreme Court (and you're fully unqualified), but there's only so much cronyism to go around.

Posted by left coast | August 28, 2007 5:24 PM

Humble Anal Rape

You can wait until pain is great, but it's likely too late. Or you can act in anticipation. It will cost less, you'll have more chance for success. But it's a hard sell. McCrory's

Camera critics are judging me
is the poster, with an Antartica service depot, switchboard off to the side back, channeling in Jeff
Wall in acoustics.

"Pretentious Daddy?
I'm a big boy. I support WTO."
"Eat you grits."
Corporate nationalism shrugged. "J, you know that was my thesis at Winston-Salem. Eat your grits," said ghostmom.
Time divulged an intonation bet.
The night judges him not.
A letter never sent never
its online opinion. "Ahhhhhhh, good
grits give me a little kiss,
will ya, huh?"

Posted by klueless | August 28, 2007 5:52 PM



Posted by Mr. Poe | August 28, 2007 6:27 PM

I think he looks like the crazy neighbor on "King of the Hill"

Posted by catalina vel-duray | August 28, 2007 6:42 PM

@11 Seconded. Sounds like a good target for Operation Yellow Elephant.

Posted by Gitai | August 28, 2007 6:43 PM

Draft them now

Posted by Jimmy Legs | August 28, 2007 9:56 PM

"it was pretty tight."

fuck this kid.

Posted by kerri harrop | August 28, 2007 11:50 PM

#3: I know that manners are important, but so are values. Tyranny, prejudice, and other injustices toward our fellow man are generally perpetrated not by 'evil', mean people, but by very, very nice people. If injustice (and dangerous public policy) were just perpetrated by 'bad' people, we would have a mostly equal and just society. But we don't. Nice people promote injustice all the time.

In short, those slaveowners in the South had nice manners, too.

Posted by please | August 29, 2007 7:37 AM

I am sick of these cutie closet boy republicans. Time for the Draft to come back!

Posted by Just Me | August 29, 2007 7:58 AM

He says that like anal rape of Republicants is a bad thing ...

When we all know they secretly want it.

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 29, 2007 9:57 AM

besides, what if you got him drunk enough, walked him into a recruiting center and he enlisted and then he admits he's gay and can't serve?

Think of all the taxpayer money wasted ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 29, 2007 9:58 AM

Russell is one of my friends, so I wanted to clear some things up for those of you who have left comments:

1. Joining the military would be a pay INCREASE for Russell and give him more benefits.

2. He is "fun as hell" to hang out with, especially to debate.

3. He is a sensible Republican... kind of.

4. He is not one to hang out in airport bathrooms.

Posted by Andrew M. | August 30, 2007 8:05 AM

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