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Monday, August 6, 2007

The Montana Testicle Festival

posted by on August 6 at 18:06 PM

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Or as some people were calling it, “The Bresticle Festival”. The 25th Anniversary. I don’t even know where to begin. I really thought, in all my years of chasing-crazy for Drunk of the Week, that I’d almost seen it all. Nope. A new bar has been set. I really couldn’t believe my own eyes most the time, so I videotaped it (that’s coming soon). For now, check out some of my pictures…

The Eating Contest! These are deep-fried bull testicles…

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I chickened out and never tried one (even though they allegedly ‘taste like chicken.’ But, uh, ‘with veins’).

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This guy, Matt Powers, won the contest by eating 4 1/2 trays of said Rocky Mountain oysters in 4 minutes (approximately 10 ball slices of per plate). There was also an oil wrestling competition, a wet-tee, bullsh*t bingo (involving a giant bingo card and a bull, well, it’s just like it sounds), a pig wrestling contest, a raffle for a 1980 truck, and a night called ‘No Panty Wednesday’ where you could trade your underwear for a free drink.

There were bikers, cowboys, gawkers, a big budget television film crew from Australia, and more public nudity (men AND women) than I’ve ever seen anywhere. Oh yeah, and FIRE. None of the locals even blinked an eye as a huge renegade wildfire kept shooting swirling mini-fire balls and swirling smoke bombs down the side of the mountain - in plain view of the festival and surrounding campgrounds. I think a little danger just adds to the excitement. At least that’s what I tried to tell myself when I woke up in my sleeping bag on an abandoned pool table in the middle of a grassy field, instead of in my tent. But that’s another story…

MORE PHOTOS AFTER THE JUMP. NSFW - though I did add a bunch of little black bars for your convenience.

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Mmm, BALLS...

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Bartenders that...

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...sold "belly shots"

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naked guys

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and almost naked girls

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sweet old cowboys

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and non-hipster beards

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a wet t-shirt contest, um, sans shirts

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bikes, bikes, bikes

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a super-hot Doublemint Twins heavy metal cover band

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uh, "dancing"

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and the ever-informative "boob-o-meter"

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VIDEO COMING SOON...

JUST ADDED! One for you Mr. Poe and one for you Papayas.

RSS icon Comments

1

Matt Powers is fuckin' hot.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 6, 2007 6:28 PM
2

And he likes to eat balls, Poe. You're so in. Just gotta head towards Montana.... oh fuck it.

Posted by Joh | August 6, 2007 6:32 PM
3

Matt Powers is fucking hot and how cool is that name.

MATT POWERS, P.I.

Wow, now I want to go to that next year. That looks really fun.

Posted by monkey | August 6, 2007 6:33 PM
4

Yeah, Matt Powers looks really fun.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 6, 2007 6:36 PM
5

Where are the naked men? What's up with that, Kelly O?

Posted by Papayas | August 6, 2007 6:48 PM
6

#1 and #5. Just added that last sentence. For you. Because I care.

Posted by kellY O | August 6, 2007 7:21 PM
7

Did the prude machine get hold of the pix?

What is with all the little tape thingies? Dan was just lecturing about the word fuck, let's tell him bare tit are OK too. In fact more real than just muttering fuck all the time ... which is a male teenagers wet dream, bare tits and fucking.

Censorship of plain old nipples at Slog - God, how funny ... just nipples ... jeez

Posted by Essex | August 6, 2007 7:29 PM
8

I don't know about anyone else, but those black bars were certianly not for my convienence.

Posted by Dianna | August 6, 2007 7:38 PM
9

Thanks!!!

Posted by Papayas | August 6, 2007 7:43 PM
10

Wow, mosaic censoring even on the link-only special addition for Papayas.  I'm guessing there's a connection to why the video is coming later.

Posted by lostboy | August 6, 2007 7:52 PM
11

Fun post!

I recall (all too vividly) Dan posting a link to a guy with a huge bottle in his ass. Now that was a photo in need of black bars, these ones not so much.

Posted by Sean | August 6, 2007 8:39 PM
12

I don't need any little black bars. I only need a little warning in case I'm at work.

Posted by monkey | August 6, 2007 9:05 PM
13

Fucking fine piece of journalism Kelly O. Strong work.

Posted by otto | August 6, 2007 10:33 PM
14

WOOT!

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 6, 2007 11:48 PM
15

All those balls. Fried.

Posted by Monty | August 7, 2007 12:57 AM
16

Quite a festicle.

Posted by Gabriel | August 7, 2007 1:00 AM
17

I am surprised that you went to the Testicle Festival to be honest. Their website absolutely sucks. It has no info at all on what they do at their festival.I would lick Matt's testicles anytime, though. Thank you.

Posted by lawrence clark | August 7, 2007 3:52 AM
18

To all -

Good to see and read that gay men can still get to the root - and while LC, above, is working on his balls, I will offer a rim job he will never forget... whatahottie ... whew, my view on Montanta testicles, any sort, has changed forever.

Posted by Jack | August 7, 2007 5:39 AM
19

Any one want to carpool to next year"s testicle?

Posted by Marty | August 7, 2007 5:41 AM
20

I should add that these pics are STILL NSFW in most workplaces so the black bars do nothing but frustrate those interested in uncensored images. It's like monkey @ 12 says, just put up a warning and put the "objectionable" pictures after the jump and everyone except ecce homo will be happy.

Posted by Matt from Denver | August 7, 2007 6:10 AM
21

Dear Ms. O - you know who else put black bars over titties?

Hitler.

Posted by Sam | August 7, 2007 10:17 AM
22

Red State Raunch IS the new black...

Testicles make people do the cwaziest things...

Yum.

Posted by michael strangeways | August 7, 2007 11:07 AM
23

Alcohol and jealousy also make people do craziest things. I left something out of this post besides just the nipples. The reason I was camped out on that pool table was cause I was trying to watch THIS from a distance. HOLY CAT FIGHT. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, but it was surreal when a crime helicopter landed in the middle of the campground. Also surreal (sorry mom) - I was at this same campsite, a little over an hour before this happened. A blonde girl had come up to me, hugged me, and said, "I'm going to hang out with you now, cause you're the only other pussy at this party". This freaked me out so I left. She was probably the girl that got stabbed.

All this said - I NEVER felt unsafe or threatened at either the Festival or any of the surrounding campgrounds. Sometimes people just go batshit crazy.

Posted by KELLY O | August 7, 2007 11:57 AM
24

Yeah, whatever... this kind of thing happens every gotdamn day in Texas and includes but is not limited to water slides, illegal Mexican paraphelnalia and contraband, chicken shit bingo, endangered species taxidermy, BBQ, blackened Cajun, or mesquite-smoked bull balls(not just fried), and of course Lone Star Beer. Not to mention, the balls are bigger in Texas. Montana should no that already though.

Great job O! Looks like lotsa fun. I like the Testy Festy butt man shot the best.

Posted by TheVicFox! | August 7, 2007 7:19 PM
25

Yeah, whatever... this kind of thing happens every gotdamn day in Texas and includes but is not limited to water slides, illegal Mexican paraphelnalia and contraband, chicken shit bingo, endangered species taxidermy, BBQ, blackened Cajun, or mesquite-smoked bull balls(not just fried), and of course Lone Star Beer. Not to mention, the balls are bigger in Texas. Montana should know that already though.

Great job O! Looks like lotsa fun. I like the Testy Festy butt man shot the best.

Posted by TheVicFox! | August 7, 2007 7:19 PM
26

kelly, wanna go to the clam(bone) bake? like rare calamari, i hear. big ups to drunken biker chicks!

Posted by matt | August 7, 2007 7:38 PM
27

What's with the video no longer being available? First you censor the pictures, now we can't even see the video? Booooo!

Posted by Zoey | August 11, 2007 7:12 PM

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