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Monday, August 13, 2007

Savage Love Letter of the Day

posted by on August 13 at 15:38 PM

I’m an 18 year bisexual writing in response to your column on the “war” on teen sex. As the son of a social worker and a psychologist, let me give you the best advice I can: Stop fighting a losing battle. I can understand every parent’s concern about the matter. No one wants to be the mother/father of the pregnant homecoming queen and I know that STDs are a serious issue for everyone. No kid wants to be HIV positive, trust me on that one.

Do you really want teens to stop doing it? Sex is a beautiful experience and to deny us that is criminal. And telling us not to do it isn’t helping. One of the major components of teen psychology is the desire to define themselves, to discover who they are. This tends to result in us rejecting the advice of our elders and most authority figures and leaving judgment to ourselves. We want to experiment and make choices in a world where we believe we have a safety net (IE family and other providers) and will not yet face the consequences of an adult reality.

You mention putting castration chemicals in our foods: I personally find that sick and twisted on your part. What if the government, by the same token mentioned in your response, decided to stop gay sex in general by the same means? Not so fun now, is it?

Listen, teens having been doing it for centuries, it’s in our nature. If you’re worry is the consequences of a bad night, stop preaching “no” and teach the choir a new tune. Sing us a song of condom use and birth control. Tell us not to use any dangerous hormonal drugs or other stimulants during sex (for Health class, I had to lecture about the side effects of amyl nitrate. That changed a lot of minds.) But if you want us to stop altogether still, then you’re going to have to mouth the sweet melody of masturbation. Still gets the vibes across without any cost.

Yes, our reckless actions can sometimes lead to disaster. But we learn by what you teach, or contrariwise, what you don’t teach us. We aren’t all idiots, Mr. Savage. We’ve just gotten our lessons out of the wrong textbook. Maybe your generation can make a difference and teach us the right way.

Boy Rebelling Against Tyrannical Sex-stoppers

Damn. Pushing condoms and birth control and letting teens make their own choices—man, why didn’t I think of that! Thank goodness the 18 year-old bisexual child of a social worker and psychologist was there to set me straight. Because now that you mention it, stopping teen sex by dosing Doritos, Mountain Dew, lip gloss, and Axe body spray with chemical castration drugs does seem like an extreme measure.

What was I thinking! Thanks for writing, BRATS!

RSS icon Comments


Oh, holy shee-ot. Someone thought that was serious?

Posted by christopher | August 13, 2007 3:50 PM

Go back to old man school and learn to send your VIBES, Mr. Savage!

Posted by Gloria | August 13, 2007 3:53 PM

Too bad he didn't figure out irony before he ate all of those Irish children.

Posted by bma | August 13, 2007 4:12 PM

Yes, maybe he'll learn about sarcasm when he grows up.

Posted by Tlazolteotl | August 13, 2007 4:15 PM

god, humorless self-righteous teen sex must be the worst.

Posted by erin | August 13, 2007 4:21 PM

Dan, seriously, you should write a sex-ed text book. It would require heavy editing but it would be brilliant!

Posted by iheartbeer | August 13, 2007 4:22 PM

Seriously, bma, nothing gets me hotter than a Jonathan Swift reference on Slog. Rawr.

Posted by Sam | August 13, 2007 4:30 PM

In my teenage years, sex was not a beautiful experience.

Posted by Medina | August 13, 2007 4:33 PM

Why did you do that? Now we're both going to die. It's in my nature.

That was cruel but funny. Eighteen, the son of a social worker and psychologist, and he lectures his class on the horrors of amyl nitrate (gasp!). He'll make a progressive crunchy "like wow" chick very happy one day with his zeal for championing the plight of the downtrodden...set to alanis. After a few more windmills, maybe he'll take himself less seriously.

Posted by Tank | August 13, 2007 4:42 PM

Hehehe... I wonder if he's local... it'd be fun to flirt with him and watch it sail over his head. Or at least play with his apparently serious nature. :D

Posted by Phelix | August 13, 2007 5:01 PM

Does this mean that you are going to take them off the "enemies of Slog" list?

Posted by Tiffany | August 13, 2007 5:38 PM

Ooops never mind, I thought I was commenting on another post :p

Posted by Tiffany | August 13, 2007 5:42 PM

bma, I just sprayed fresca all over my keyboard. fucking hilarious.

Posted by michelle | August 13, 2007 5:48 PM

This is one eighteen year old I would love to sit and talk to for a few hours and exchange generational horny stories ... I have thought sex was heaven since jr. high ... what is new?

Don't be jealous Dan, just another sexy hormonal driven boy kitten ... the young replacing the old. Get used to it.

Posted by Jack | August 13, 2007 6:10 PM

Hey, gotta give him points for at least refraining from the use of smilies, 'lol's, and the abuse of the phrases "like" and "you know."

Sure, he might have gone a little over-the-top, but at least the guy can use a comma, which puts him ahead of most of our teenage population.

Posted by Kay | August 13, 2007 9:16 PM

You gotta love the kidz, they are our future!

Posted by lawrence clark | August 14, 2007 2:41 AM

No, he actually doesn't know how to use a comma. See: comma splice error.

I didn't want to bring it up, but come on.

Posted by Gloria | August 14, 2007 3:49 AM

Hmmm my sex as a teenager was kinda painful, but then he was pretty big though and the first time neither of us were that great at understanding the idea of LIBERALLY using lube.....

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | August 14, 2007 7:38 AM

you guys are being a bunch of kids yourselves. Even if he was being niave, or if his youth was showing - a truly progressive and mature, or self secure posture to take would be one wherein you reinforce that young persons attempt to engage these issues with discourse; rather than mocking, condescending, and dismissing him... i think it betrays some insecurity.

sometimes when you're preoccupied with scorning through the looking glass, you miss your own reflection coming into focus, and fail to see it for a mirror.

Posted by theashesstir | August 14, 2007 7:44 AM

I don't buy it. The kid ain't real. There is no such thing as an 18-year-old bisexual boy who can't recognize simple sarcasm. Granted, he would have only half the usual dose of natural gay cynicism, but being bisexual at 18 requires better than average common sense. He ain't real. Somebody had too much time on their hands.

Posted by Cat in Chicago | August 14, 2007 8:52 AM


Couldn't you leave me just a little faith in humanity?

At least he didn't try to make little faces out of the punctuation. Right? Right?

Posted by Kay | August 14, 2007 10:09 AM

He is 18?
Ok then in less than 2 years he can join the rest of us in not being a teen right.
The problem is dividing adults from teens. Everywhere you look the word teen is used to promote an sell something and it creates an enemy (adults).
The very second that "teen" turns 20 do the same rules apply to him.
Where are the rites of passage that get the point across that you do not get to be a "teen" there is no such thing. Adults get to use "teen" as a convenient way of dismissing younger people and "teens" get to be part of a group that dismiss anyone older than them by being blatantly ageist.
I remember teen years and the amount of crap that was out there to dummy me up was overwhelming. Today it is worse because it is perfectly designed manipulation

Posted by -B- | August 14, 2007 10:38 AM

I think Cat is right. Somebody is having fun with Dan having fun with the crazy religious abstinence crowd.

Posted by nataliewouldnt | August 14, 2007 11:41 AM

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